Feeling lost

[Artizan76]

Hi all.. I feel really low at the moment and have been going through hardships now for the last few years, which is starting to take its toll.. It would take me essay upon essay to put down everything, but in a nutshell I've experienced setbacks with work which in turn has affected me in my relationship, which is at breaking point. I have 3 children also and I've sometimes been snappy around them and my partner, and I've become so lazy that my partner is resenting me. I love her but I just can't show it because of the way I feel. My wellbeing and self esteem has hit rock bottom and I feel worthless and lost. I find it hard to gather the energy to do anything and have become more and more of a recluse over the last year. I've tried several times to get myself out of the rut I'm in but I've lost all confidence and hope and don't see light at the end of the tunnel.. Friends and family try to encourage me and say I'll look back one day and laugh at the experience but to me there seems no end in sight. I feel selfish and loathsome and when I see people who seem to have a happy life it becomes to much and in the end I break down crying because i feel like I've lost the happiness in my life. I don't want to hurt people around me so I hide away and keep my feelings to myself, also with the fear that they might think I'm a nutcase or reject me. I never used to be like this, and I never dreamed this could happen to me but I don't feel like I have control anymore and feel so lost and alone. I've spoke to doctors and had counselling but everytime I hit a setback I end up back feeling despair and loss all over again. I'm quite a well built lad also so if people see how weak I am inside, the fear keeps me locked away.. I don't want people and friends I know to see me so helpless and my pride keeps me away from them but inside I'm hurting so badly that I cry to myself. I feel so alone and lost everyday that i don't know where to even start to make myself better. People tell me to look for another job but the very act of job hunting is scaring the hell out of me and I don't know how to cope with other setbacks. I know things arnt just going to fall in my lap but I don't know how to gather myself to make things right again. I've been so anxious for so long that I can't function properly.

If anyone can help or can give me pointers on how they have overcome their anxieties I would greatly appreciate it.

I just want to have happiness back in my life but have lost the ability somehow.

I feel really pathetic typing this but I need someone who understands what I'm going through

Artizan x

[LindaKato01]

Hi artizan76. Your story sounds very similar to mine a few weeks ago. I was so low that I ended up losing my job because of it. I am on sertraline 100mg from the GP - antidepressants. I was always the one saying pull yourself together and get on with it, but personal and work circumstances made me realise that the more I tried to pull myself together the worse I got. I am feeling alright at the minute and there tablets have definitely helped. I am fighting my employers as they were so unfair in what they did to me, I just couldn't see it at the time. Anyway, medication isn't for everyone I know, but it has certainly helped me think more clearly and see through the fog. Good luck x

[Artizan76]

Hi LindaKate01

Thanks for the reply. I have been on Sertraline last year but I ended up pulling myself off them when I thought I was getting myself together. I don't really think they helped me that much but like you say everybody responds differently. I know life can be so unfair and I tell myself that all the time. We are reminded daily through TV and social media that their is people worse off than we are. I look at where I am in life compared to other unfortunate souls and what they wouldn't give to be in my shoes. And I won't lie it makes me feel really selfish and loathsome for feeling the way I do. It's just really hard to explain to people what I feel inside. I feel broken and lost and while my life's problems will seem petty in comparison to others, I can't help but feel an emptiness inside. I want to change but don't know how to or where to begin. I realise that I'm not the only person who feels this way also and I only wish everyone here will find the happiness that they are looking for in life. I've tried to speak to friends and family but I always feel like they truly don't know how I feel or understand what I mean. I hope you get the results you are looking for and you have my blessing that everything works out. xx

[Trying2behappy]

Hi artizan , I understand how you feel I am in a similar position I used to think many things were a weakness but the things that you fear you must stare in to the eye of it I did this and realised it made me stronger I would recommend going back to your gp and discussing a different medication because you don't have to feel like this your not alone always here to chat if you ever need to vent is there anything in life that you feel passionate about I am an artist I sometimes use this as a vent or I go and kick my punchbag to bits and have a cry never feel shame your very brave and very intelligent from what I can see may you feel better soon and good bless

Lx

[Artizan76 in reply to Trying2behappy]

Thanks for the reply. The support means a lot.. I'm trying to surround myself with positives and not dwell on the negatives at the minute. x

[Angep Star]

Hi Artizan, first of all there is no shame in feeling the way you do, life is so hard for everyone. It will beat you if you let it!! And sometimes that's just easier to let it get the better of you!! Life is full. Of twists and turns. Each one is a test!! Sometimes it brings you to your knees, and you don't want to get up😒 But you have too! And if you really want to you will do it. I know it's not easy, if it was there wouldn't be forums like this!! Everyone on here could write a book I'm sure of all the suffering they've had to endure. But find the strength t get through each day as best they can.everytime you have a knock it takes you back to square one, bringing all those negative feelings back again. Try some form of excercise, it has been shown to be more powerful than some of the leading anxiety medications. Try this!! Smile!! When you do that it's difficult to feel sad!! But if you frown it changes your whole mind set. The power of the mind is incredible. You just have to let it know your in charge of it and not the other way round!! Please don't think I'm being awful when I say this because it isn't meant that way but you need to try help yourself because that person looking back at you in the mirror is the one person that can really help you. 🙏🏻take care and I'm routing for you 👍

[Artizan76 in reply to Angep]

Thank you Angep.. The support means a lot and I can't thank you enough. I'm trying my best to stay positive at the moment. x

[Angep Star in reply to Artizan76]

I'm always around at some point, il look out for you. Keep your chin up 💪😀