Hi all.. I feel really low at the moment and have been going through hardships now for the last few years, which is starting to take its toll.. It would take me essay upon essay to put down everything, but in a nutshell I've experienced setbacks with work which in turn has affected me in my relationship, which is at breaking point. I have 3 children also and I've sometimes been snappy around them and my partner, and I've become so lazy that my partner is resenting me. I love her but I just can't show it because of the way I feel. My wellbeing and self esteem has hit rock bottom and I feel worthless and lost. I find it hard to gather the energy to do anything and have become more and more of a recluse over the last year. I've tried several times to get myself out of the rut I'm in but I've lost all confidence and hope and don't see light at the end of the tunnel.. Friends and family try to encourage me and say I'll look back one day and laugh at the experience but to me there seems no end in sight. I feel selfish and loathsome and when I see people who seem to have a happy life it becomes to much and in the end I break down crying because i feel like I've lost the happiness in my life. I don't want to hurt people around me so I hide away and keep my feelings to myself, also with the fear that they might think I'm a nutcase or reject me. I never used to be like this, and I never dreamed this could happen to me but I don't feel like I have control anymore and feel so lost and alone. I've spoke to doctors and had counselling but everytime I hit a setback I end up back feeling despair and loss all over again. I'm quite a well built lad also so if people see how weak I am inside, the fear keeps me locked away.. I don't want people and friends I know to see me so helpless and my pride keeps me away from them but inside I'm hurting so badly that I cry to myself. I feel so alone and lost everyday that i don't know where to even start to make myself better. People tell me to look for another job but the very act of job hunting is scaring the hell out of me and I don't know how to cope with other setbacks. I know things arnt just going to fall in my lap but I don't know how to gather myself to make things right again. I've been so anxious for so long that I can't function properly.
If anyone can help or can give me pointers on how they have overcome their anxieties I would greatly appreciate it.
I just want to have happiness back in my life but have lost the ability somehow.
I feel really pathetic typing this but I need someone who understands what I'm going through