feel a bit violated and failing to see funny side

I was out in the car yesterday looking for somewhere to go sledging with my daughter who is 9. She was in the passenger seat. We turned down a narrow side street to find ourselves amongst about 20 teenagers , boys and girls. About 5 boys then set upon throwing snow balls at the car quite forcefully and I started getting really mad because I felt like I couldn't do anything about it. I guess I should have just waited patiently for them to get bored but in a panic a started shouting at them . I even wound the window down at one point to find them blast snow inside the car hitting my daughter. I think I reacted so badly because I felt trapped and it went n so long. I have a teenager and him and his friends would never victimise someone like that but this is how teens get a bad name. I told my friend who saw the funnyside a bit but honestly I just felt anxious and upset that I had lost it with them infront of my daughter. What annoyed me more than anything is the smug faces of a few of them who knew my words were useless and I could do nothing about it. I felt if I had a man with me this may not have happened , so I not only felt vulnerable but a twinge of lonliness. I know the kids would have thought it was fun to do this but the damage and the anxiety they cause they have no idea. I think teens need educating a bit more on the effects of their behaviour. I went to bed really early with a sore throat and still have one : ( I have woke up and needed to write it down thankyou for reading x


Featured Content

Join our community

The community helps everyone affected by anxiety by providing support, information and guidance.


Featured by HealthUnlocked

38 Replies

  • H love I bet you felt scared because you were alone with your daughter. I have youths causing problems in my area and know the distress it causes. I feel schools and parents should highlight the dangers of people having had Heart Attacks following challenging these Twats. Wish I was with you I carry a BASEBALL BAT. lol next time ring 999 bet thier parents think thier little soldiers are saints x

  • Thankyou for your comment : ) I am upset because I should have handled it better really . I had the chance to drive on but I stopped the car to show my disapproval I think. But this was a bad move as then they surrounded the car . I threatened to get out and smack one of them but I think he knew and I knew this was not going to happen because he was alot bigger than me and I would be done for hitting a youth. This is what upsets me most the fact the little Shits can do what they want with no consequences . I am also sad that I dont have a man to protect me as pathetic as this mat sound . My daughters Dad has recently taken her sledging with none of this hassle and we cant even do this as a family : ( (not that I want him but you know it still stings)

  • Rose plse dnt b 2 hard on urself. my partner is no pushover + hes only gone 2 local shop + was set upon by ruthless teens who threw tons of glass bottles at him + also tried 2 jump him, they didnt c the funny side wen the nxt time he bumped in2 them individualy + shit their pants. my daughter who was 7 at the time was bein bullied + hit by a 14 yr old + i kept warning her until 1 day my little girl came home hysterical, i then saw red, i ran up 2 this girls house ran in + started 2 throw punches at her. police were really understanding plus every1 said she had it coming was an evil girl, i couldnt blieve how every1 suporyed me.

  • Ideally you need to report this to the police as this was clearly harrassment and threatening aggressive behaviour.... ANti social ASBO needed I think.....

    That is what the police are there for to protect you and stand up against bullies and offensive threatening behaviour ./ It is against the law to harrass threaten anyone . These idiots have no respect or regard for the well being and safety of others . What they have done is against the law to surround and intimidate u and ur daughter. It was clearly aggressive, and threatening behaviour . Call the police and then leave it to them, dont feel a victim or violated, as its their job to protect you.

  • even if I could remember their faces which I cant I would not have a case due to the way I handled it out of panic I took the come on if you think you are hard enough approach . They saw it as an invite to do more !! Silly me eh !! I also stopped the car , again not really helping my case !! Putting it down to experience and will handle it better if anything like that happens again !

  • Hi there just think though you got through it well and are able to re live it and tell the tale. I had to deal with a difficult situation at work with an issue i had my stress levels were pushed to the limit but i dealt with it well and did not do anything to me i felt proud of myself and realised i can still deal with any form of stress without my anxiety taking over.xx

  • Hello thankyou for replying. Yes I can survive stress but my neck so was imflamed and blotchy my daughter thought I had hair dye on my neck!! I also had pains in my chest afterwards and a headache. I also started to have a sore throat which I still have. Emotional wobbles can make you susceptable to bugs etc and have physical effects on the body like this, and this is whats happened here. To make it worse I worried they would pass my house which is a 5 min walk from where it happened and recognise my car and scratch it or something . This is the power of irrational thought and the link with anxiety. My son said . .mum dont be daft they wouldnt have noticed the car properley or remember it. All the same I found myself parking more out of sight. What message am I giving to my daughter here . one of fear I think !!!

  • Does your son and daughter know how you are as i speak to my daughters and tell them how i am i do not worry them i word it in a way so they wont worry about me so they accept and help when im having a bad day xx

  • They know I am a bit of a stresshead yes. I try to explain in simple terms and just hope they ok. My son seems not to show anxiety but my daughter seems to have some anxious traits . I just try to build up their self esteem and advise them . I said afterwards to my daughter that I was sorry I could have handled it better . It is important that children know you can make mistakes as an adult and admit it too .

  • Rose12

    Dont give your self a bad time hun , we cannot always be serenity on legs lol when faced with these little monkeys (to be polite)

    I live in an area with these kind of teenagers , even thoough most have grown up , but no doubt causing trouble some where else now (may be around the pubs ) I have an 18 year old son , that I would never let mix with them , & he has grown in to a lovely considerate young man , however they did try to bully him & us as they found it entertaing , this is why they do it , to them its entertainment !

    Luckily I always managed to keep my cool but one day one of these little beep beep's struck my son for no reason , right infront of his dad (now hid dad is not a violent man at all ) but when faced with this , my hubby clipped this kid around the ear lol

    He didnt hurt him just the old fashioned clip we used to get , but reacted to his son been in danger , well the parents wanted my hubby arrested the lot , but luckily the police could see who were the good guys , even though hubby was warned he had to be careful in future as there are so many rights for the trouble causes , but none for the good ones (found that out !)

    My hubby didnt give his self a bad time over his reaction , its a parents instinct to protect their children & thats what he was doing

    Having said that , I always talk to these kind of kids as if i am asking them a favour ...if they are outside been a pain , I just go & say "do me a favour love would you move along , I would really appreciate it " maybe I shouldnt have to ask , but when I talk with them & not at them they seem to do what I ask ?

    We all loose it from time to time though , & its ok , those flipping kids will have moved on to their next entertainment now

    Take care

    whywhy xxx

  • I sympathise with you Rose, kids tend to get away with a lot these days, and bombarding someone with snowballs, in their eyes, was just some harmless fun. They dont understand or think of the consequences how the person on the end of the bombardment feels or their emotional state, or what their lives consist of, teens just dont think at all. A few months ago, kids were passing my house because they had been let out of school, firstly they went into the Nisa shop, which is just next door, then they passed my house but threw a stone at my house which hit my window and broke it, i ran out and chased them, which they denied doing when i caught up with them. Unknown to them, the shop next door has cctv and caught their every move, even when they were in the shop, which was able to identify the culprits so the police could do something about it, and the housing association i rent the house off. Anyway, the police phoned me a couple of weeks ago and told me the culprits got a warning and are now known on the system, so if they do anything again, they will get sorted, which i doubt cos kids get away literally with murder these days, and dont seem to really care about their actions.

    I hope your'e ok things like this can really knock your confidence and make you feel victimised,but dont take it personally, kids dont think and they obviously thought it was a bit of fun, even tho it was a scary situation for you and your daughter. Just drive past next time and ignore the snowballs thrown at your car, even tho its dangerous getting snowballs thrown at you whilst your'e driving, kids dont think. One day, they will get caught out, they will do it to an undercover cop car one day, or grow up and it will happen to them or their loved ones, i truly believe in Karma.

  • Don't beat yourself up hunni it's just a natural reaction when under a lot of stress and you felt vulnerable. I have these outbursts myself and it does shock me how angry I can get so I do understand. My kids can't believe it's me as I'm usually so mild mannered. I had a lorry driver a few weeks ago shouting at me for not moving my car quick enough so I gave him what for and he nearly got out of his lorry to come and punch me I think but something takes over me andi see red,I just think oh aren't you the big man having a go at a woman. This was in front of my kids too. I wasn't sorry though why should other people try and walk over you? Afterwards I thought it would have been better to blow him a kiss to diffuse the situation but you can't always think of these things. I also can see the funny side of it now as I've calmed down but it might not have been so funny if he come and landed me one.

    You did what you did to protect you and your daughter. There's not wrong with that.

  • Hello Rose

    I'd have felt the same & I'd have done the same. Many young people these days need educating better there's some evil minds around. it was never like that 'in my day' - I'm 63.

    Have a better day tomorrow, have fun in the snow with your daughter.

  • Dear Why Why, linny 13, Teddysmum43 and Guapa, Thanks to you all for you comments. Due to feeling a bit ill I am replying to you all as I want to lie down and rest . I feel really happy to have had such a good response and support of you all and the others above. This issue clearly resonates with alot of people . .

    Thankyou for the reply and sharing your experiences . I feel sorry for people who stand up for themselves only to end up in trouble. I dont know what the answer it really but so many people feel frustrated with our society . I am not saying bring back smacking in schools or the home but something needs to change. I think drink and drugs and diet is also to blame if talking on a wider scale and the lack of deterrents for behaviour . I try to focus on the positives and avoid negative media as it really does drag me down but in a way maybe if I had been more on my guard about anti social behaviour I may have avoided the situation . I feel quite ill today and know it is because of what happened but I will be ok. One of my friends thinks it is funny and even though I dont agree it is good to have a balance of people in your life to shine a different light on things so not to over dwell and get caught up in the stress . Life is a balancing game is it not . I really hope this all makes sense as I am quite tired and unwell (chesty cough) Thankyou x

  • Hi Rose.

    I have just had a go at some lads for throwing a snowball at my car, while my young un was opening the gates. I went over and they ran off. They can throw at me but it boils my blood that they could hurt a innocent bystander. Apparently when i walked back one threw a snowball at me. I didnt see but my eldest who is 18 went running over. The lad who did it was mouthing off as i told my son to back off i was dealing with it. He mouthed off at me. I work with young kids so its not a deal with me.

    You shouldnt have to deal with a situation like that. I believe it would be a intimidating situation for you to be in. They should not be allowed to make anyone feel like that. So much for free country. I am sure one day they will do it to the wrong people. xx

  • Hi Lou41 I hope you are ok , sounds like I am not the only one getting grief. I am glad you were able to handle it ok. I have never known so much aggression in the snow! Someone told me today that they knew someone who had their window smashed yesterday ! Also before the incident with myself , My daughter and I were leaving the house and 4 moody kids had snowballs in their hands as if they were weapons !! I looked at one in the eye as if to say I hope that doesn't come my way. When he saw me looking he scowled even more and I felt I had to explain why I was looking and laugh it off. I can undersatnd why people stay in , its not just slipping that is the worry !! Luckily I have made up for it and found a nice quiet spot today to take the kids sledging , so they are happy at least ! xxx

  • Hi hun, know how u feel + is totaly justifyable. i live on a big housin estate, hav bin terrarised by youths, iron bars thrown at me + my house, fireworks through the letterbox. i had 2 go out + fight on many occasions + these youths do no wot they r doin they jst dnt care. ive seen more things happen on my street than an episode of shamless + u feel so vunerable. i would kill my daughter if acted at all in this way. but it is bst 2 ignore them speakin frm my experience. kindest regards leeanne.x

  • Hello thanks for replying , that sounds so stressful . I would have had a nervous breakdown by now !! You are obviously made of stronger stuff than me !! I am just way too sensitive and feel a massive sense of things being unjust sometimes which makes me want to cry! I am just a happy at heart and think we should all love each other : ) Totally unrealistic I know x x x

  • Yeah i totaly agree wiv u. it was stressful at the time but ive always had somthin or other goin on in my life so thats not that unusual + plus ude b suprised how we carry on through things. i hav 2 sides 2 me, 1 were ive bin brought up extremly tough + am really strong person but i can also b extremly sensitive at the same time. ive bin brought up through trouble but i still cnt stand bullyin + any trouble of any sort. i hav seen hell of a lot were i live + seen things turn really nasty so if u do ever com across a situation again it really is better 2 b safe than sorry + jst get urslf out of the situation. am not sayin all teenagers r bad but i av had + seen terible things involving them were i live. they hav no morals + will pick on any1, ive seen them run old people out of their homes, about 50yths lft a young man 4 dead in a river were i live, the most upsettin thing was that every joined in or watched + not 1 person did anythin 2 hlp. so scary i hav 2 liv wiv these people but hav learnt jst 2 keep myslf 2 myslf. not tryin 2 scare u jst dnt want u 2 ever b in a situation like me. so please take care of u + ur family.x

  • Hello again. Have you tried to move ? Honestly I would focus on nothing else if it was me. Stand my ground no , run away . . yes !! There are places alot better and you deserve to live in peace x x x

  • Yeah lots of times but its very difficult bcause i live in burnley(northwest) + its pretty much like this all over, u can still find som decent places but r way 2 expensive. curently live on a housin estate + these do generaly hav there problems but quite used 2 it now allthough i do hate it. says it all wen about 5O poeple leave a man 4 dead + no 1 does anythin about it, theu were all bragin + jokin about it, they were youths, young children involved + even their mums joined in. not 1 person thought they wad anythin wrong 2 leave a yng man fightin 4 his life slumped in a river. but its like this all over ere in burnley. there is the very random little stteets or areas wot rnt 2 bad but then the rents + bonds r sky high. my mum went 2 look at an house, it was covered in dog faeces, put it 1 way wad fit 4 a tramp or animal 2 live in but yet they wanted a sky high rent, £1000 bond, £200 admin charges + also if u missed ur rent they added a fee as well as £10 a day charges, my mum wad in complete shock wen they said they wad lettin it out in this state + was not goin 2 do any repairs, wen she questioned about doors + cubourd doors hangin off his reply was ive got 19 people 2 view this property, guess wot? no 1 would rent it out. its seems 2 b like this all over ere unless u hav money so i jst keep myslf 2 myslf + really strugle 2 meet any1 half decent. am no pushover(far frm it) but a nice genuin person + really strugle wiv the fact that if i want freinds i hav 2 settle 4 the type who scream + swear at their kids + hav less morals than a sewer rat, u know the type. its like if u watch an episode of shamless as rough as it is they still seem 2 stick 2gether but out ere in the real world every1s out 4 wot they can get. Hav really tried 2 make freinds but seems impossible so i jst try 2 b strong, i know im a gud person + its definatly not dwn 2 anythin 2 do wiv my personality apart frm bein brought up wiv morals + not willin 2 b freinds wiv these rats. i know theres nice people out there its jst finding them. wen i c people like on telly who hav life long freinds + do anythin 4 each other thats wot i want out of a greind + think thats wot it should b like. is it 2 much 2 ask. so sorry 2 rant on, jst neefed 2 get of chest. hope ur feelin well. kindest regards leeanne.x

  • Kids do not know anything about problems like anxiety, why do you think bullying is so rife in schools and always has been? They can't see the long-term damage it causes. It doesn't just have to be in schools there is always going to be a gang mentality and it's just another form of bullying. The kids round my way in my block are noisy shits but funnily enough were very polite when I arrived at my door, one even called me 'sir'! On the other hand there was this one individual who thought he could 'ice-grill' me the other day (after HE stepped out in front of my car) and soon found out I wasn't the intimidated type. Point is the majority of them are pretty thick. Don't take any of it personal.

  • Hello , thanks for your comment. What is ice grilling ? I have not heard this before ! and yes the points you make I agree with

  • Just give you an 'evil' basically

  • The trouble with kids like these is their parents don`t know how to raise them properly, either because they aren`t very intelligent, or their parents were useless as well. I know a lot of people might be offended by what I`m about to write, but I seriously think that every person on the planet should be carefully vetted before they have children to make sure that they`ll make good parents. If they don`t come up to scratch, then they should be sterilised for the good of society.

  • I do agree wiv u. let people come + live on my estate + will totaly cjange their opinions. if u were 2 go 2 one of their parents house 2 complain u would at least get a gobful or at worst a beating. i know most of the youths were i live + they r ruthless. ive seen them terrorise many a people out of their homes. theyve crashed cars in2 peoples houses on purpose. 1 of my neighbours who is of ethnic origan was gettin out of a taxi wiv his baby asleep in his arms wen a group of kids started callin him nigger + then went on 2 brick him wiv the baby still in his arms. not 1 person were i live is fit 2 hav offspring but yet they carry on. bin havin trouble wiv my neighbour + noise, she has a different fella every couple of weeks. shes jst had her kids dad bck wiv her wen hes not allowed there bcause of voilence, they told her she will lose her 2 children if she has him there but guess wot she has + is also pregnant again. this women has put me through hell havin 2 live nxt door 2 her whilst sufferin a nervous brkdwn is not good. they keep on warning her so im hopin she should b moved on soon. i now hav bcome 2 hate teenagers bcause of were i live, ive yet 2 c 1 wiv maners, but im so proud that whilst livin like this hav managed 2 bring up a beautiful well mannered 14yr old daughter, does not matter were u live manners + respect cost nothin. my daughter doesnt hav anythin 2 do wiv these kids were i live as would b like sayin go + hang around on chatsworth estate of shamless. but plse come + liv were i liv + will drasticly change ur opinion on these idiots + i can assure u they do know wot they r doin. sorry 2 rant on but very touchy subjct wiv me wen ive had fireworks trown at me in the street + through my letterbox were my 7yr old daughter at the time could of seriosly bin hurt or worse. Will now leave this wiv u, kindest regards leeanne.x

  • Few years back there was a political party that had the same eugenic point of view, they were known as Nazis, their leader was a guy called Hitler.

  • Thanks for replying. I agree there are alot of people who should not have children but imagine the uproar in society if these measures were put in place !! I am not sure how you would test parental skills effectively either. Until you have children you have no idea what it is like . In theory you could pass with flying colours but in practice you could be the worst parent ever . Interesting to debate though thanks

  • I really feel I have touched on an issue that effects many , Thanks all so much for your comments I feel so much better being able to communicate how I feel and have such a great support in return

  • I had one child at the age of 18, but decided to have him legally adopted at birth because I knew that I would be a rotten parent. I can`t stand these stupid women that have loads of different lovers, & keep having children by all these different men. I really think that they do it just to caim benefits to spend on fags & booze.

  • I think the issue is a bit more complicated than that personally. I agree that some people seem to have no morals whatsoever and I hate seeing people smoking over their babies and swearing at them etc but I try to look from all perspectives and think that behind this often lies a hurt person who is maybe emotionally damaged maybe from their own upbringing. I think sometimes a vulnerable single mum may desperately flee into the arms of another man in a desperate attempt to form some kind of family stability for their children. If this doesn't work out and they get pregnant again maybe because they are convinced that their relationship is for keeps they may find themselves a single parent once again and the pattern repeats. The situation is also made worse if drugs or alcohol are a factor and this is a road people can sometimes fall upon. These women don't need to be judged they need to be supported to bulid their self esteem up so they dont feel this is their only option in life .

  • Your`e so right,Rose, we really need to to do some intensive work on self-esteem in this country, because it makes all the difference to the path that kids follow in life. All too many children grow up not feeling valued, & that is disastrous for them, & will make a huge impact on their life chances. I grew up not being respected or valued by anyone, & I could so easily have repeated the pattern, but I chose not to.

  • yes you should be proud that you made a choice to escape this pattern and I hope it was the right decision for all concerned. Best Wishes and thanks for your comments . . . Rose

  • It is inequality that causes lots of us to despair. When you are forced into taking a loan ( mortgage) just to live in a good place then that is a crime which causes resentment. Inequality is terrible and with it comes crime. I have lived in some terrible places and really sympathise with anybody who has to endure nutters living close by. Not sure what the answer is .....but sometimes its better to ignore them if possible. But there are loads of cottages and houses for rent in Southern Ireland today. In Southern Ireland you can rent a cottage for about €350 per month. Was looking at one in Mayo last week ..There is an abundance of rural homes for rent there ....If ever I settle with a lady again I will be moving ....England is finished ......Vince :)

  • Is Ireland where you are from originally? I have never been but hear it is nice. It is depressing to hear that England is finished but you do hear people say that alot these days. I haven't given up on it just yet but I am trying to cling onto my heritage I think ! I want my children to see the good here and there is . I also want to protect them as much as I can and make them aware. It is not so easy to uproot when you have children and they have a life , school , friends etc . I hope they have the opportunities in life to choose where they want to be in the future : )

  • Hiya Rose No I am not from Ireland. But it is a beautiful place . : )

    I understand about it not being easy to uproot ....And I will have to think carefully about doing so. But England is now too multi-cultural and politically correct for my liking.

    I have a daughter and I worry about what her future holds. But I have taught her well and she does hace a good brain.

    Have a nice evening Rose : ) Vince : )

  • I am not sure where I would live given the choice . North is friendly I find but I am not totally in love with where I live. I lived in the Lake District once and that was nice but expensive so didnt last too long ! I suppose I always thought one day I would meet someone else and that may dictate where I ended up but after a number of failed relationships its looking like it is going to be me and the kids and then me and the cats when they move !!! yikes !!!

  • I so agree with Vince`s comment on England being finished. I was aware of this back in the 70`s, & would have emigrated years ago, to Australia or some other country with decent wages & standard of living, where the courts dish out the appropriate punishment for the crimes that people commit. Iv`e been told that the countries that are worth going to will only accept people with good qualifications. I could have gained some, but when I was a youngster I was told over & over again that I was too stupid to do more than cleaning or factory work. I know now that wasn`t true, but it`s too late to do anything about it now. If I had the chance I would leave this country today!

You may also like...