Hi everyone sorry this is so long I kind of need to vent!
So a while a go I posted on here about my mum and my wedding and how the whole thing made me and my now hubby really anxious and stressed and how very hugely controlling my mum was being. Shes always been controlling more so with me and my little sister rather then my brother, I'm not sure if that's because he's the middle child but anyway! She started off by telling my partner and I that we could not organise a wedding and shouted at us when we refused to listen to her. Put huge amounts of pressure on me. With regards to venue/setting a date getting invited out. She took money she promised us away and my dress and at one point we nearly had to change venues (or give up on getting married completely) because we didn't know if she was going to give the money back!
My partner and I haven't done anything wrong, we haven't provoked her, we were so great full when she offered to pay for half the wedding but became clear she was using the money to try and control us, we just wanted to plan our wedding and of course have her help but she went too far. You could call it excitement but she went out and brought my bridesmaid dresses when I clearly said I wanted to go shopping she ignored me.
I would love to say that things dramatically improved. That our situation was what all mothers and daughters go through when the daughter gets married and emotions were running high, but it wasn't like that at all, it actually felt/feels very serious. Now all communication has broken down between me and her. All because of her actions which she refuses to take any responsibility for which is hugely frustrating.
On the wedding day it's self she blanked my partner when he said hello to her (nice).
I had asked her to come and see me on the morning of the wedding she said she would ' love to' she then kept me waiting all morning and show up and 12.20 the ceromoney started at one! My bro and sister were furious/stressed because she's been at the venue ages.
She managed to behave herself during the day apart from looking stoney faced but then left early without saying goodbye.
The next day we went on honeymoon and hubby and I are excited and opening all our cards...I then slowly come to the realisation that there isn't one from her, I wasnt fussed about a gift as she had paid for half the wedding... but a card?! So I texted her and asked her if she got us one and she said 'no, no card, I didn't leave the house for ' 3-4 days before the wedding' she had more then 3-4 days she had a year to get a card! I went a bit mad and told her I was really offended by this and she didn't get why. To keep this short we exchanged emails to where I got it all of my chest, I didn't want to be horrible, I just kept my email all assertive and listed out what she had put us through over the last year and hit the accusations she threw at me (in her email) 'you clearly like your new family more, I don't know why you invited us to the wedding!' I rubbished it and she didn't like it, as that's what she clearly made her self believe. The worst thing she put in her reply back was 'there isn't place for you in my life right now' as if I'm a bit of electrical equipment she can turn on and off when she feels like it!
The situation is seriously painful and I have ups and downs it's nearly always on my mind,
And the first thing I think of when I wake up. I even dream about it! I don't want his to rule my life! I'm a counsellor myself and I try to keep it all in perspective and say to myself what I would say to people who come and see me which is I know it's painful but start to enjoy your life and hubby, and give her space. Sadly this is Easier said then done!
I keep asking myself do I really need this controlling person in my life? Who says harsh things like that? Hmm at the moment no; but the truth is, its the worst feeling in the world when it's you own mum because I don't know if this can be fixed :(. Thanks so much for reading lily