Someone please help! Anxiety or not??!

[JadeeW]

Hi everyone, Happy new year to you all.

Dont really know where to start but i just dont know what to do anymore!

Have i got anxiety or something else?! Im going to start from scratch and tell you all how it all begun and what ive been experiencing.

Sometime last year around june/july time i was moving houses and helping my mam decorate in the new house, it was all going fine i enjoyed helping her out doing some painting, wallpapering.. ect. I started getting really frustrated, shouting at everyone but mostly taking everything out on my boyfriend that drove him not to eat, was scared to do anything infront of me just incase i snapped. I didnt know why i was being like this, i hated myself for it and i couldnt help the anger that was coming out of me!! My mother give me some of her medication, but before that i was taking her sleeping tablets that were called matazipine, i was taking 15mg of them .. i'd been taking them for around a year on and off. Then my mother give me some of her sertaline, 50mg to calm my nerves down they worked for the next 2 days, i was in my own little world getting on with the decorating and happy i wernt shouting. The second night of taking sertaline i was laying in bed.. all of a sudden i started feeling really light headed and dizzy, id never felt this bad before? My heart started racing, i couldnt open my eyes cause the room was spinning around, i told my partner to call a ambulance because i actually thought that was my time, i was dieying.. I felt that bad! My mother assured me to take a sleeping tablet to calm my nerves (matazipine,15mg.) I eventually fell asleep. Next day i woke up i was petrofied that it would happen again so i took another sertaline tablet, i started feeling my body going warm, sweating, light headed i had the biggest fear of fainting, i felt all one sided. I ended up in hospital 3 weeks later where they had said it was a panic attack. They give me diazipam, 2mg. I didnt really understand what was happening i just wanted these feelings to go away, i took diazipam the same night and sent me off to sleep like a light, i was so calm and happy again! I then got addicted, taking more through the day, took them everywhere i went. In Augest i had to have my second brain operation to move a benign brain tumor following up from the last brain op from when i was 13. I come around from surgery and thats all i wanted was my diazipam i was still feeling light headed, dizzy, body feeling like it was moving if i didnt take them. The doctors would come in and had to be harsh for me to get up from bed, my blood pressure had dropped from where id been laying down for days on end. But the way i was feeling from these tablets i couldnt do anything and i was so stupid and blind to notice that it was the tablets that was causing me to feel this way, never in my whole life have i experienced these feelings or 'Anxiety' The doctors claim i have!

Now 5 months later from my surgery im fully recovered, i come off diazipam gradually and got put on propanalol, i take them once in a blue moon i dont want to rely on medication but to be honest im at my witts ends, i really dont know what to do. Im a 16 year old female, 7.8 stone, 5'8 in height. I know i shouldnt of been taking my mothers medication but i couldnt see it at the time, im off medication fully now and i just want to get back to my normal self! Im constantly feeling like my bodys moving when its not? My body trembling when its not on the inside, like my heads shaking? Im weak, sometimes i have good days sometimes i have really bad, like tonight its 6.am in the morning and ive had no sleep cause the way im feeling, i just cant cope anymore the doctors say i have a anxiety disorder but they dont know about me taking my mothers medication, what i really want is an opinion? Im alone in this i dont talk to anyone because nobody understands, i feel that nobody can help me and im all alone. I cant look onto my future, what if there is no future? I dont know what to do, could this be STILL side effects? Did they bring on Anxiety? Please help me!!

[Hidden]

Hi. Jadee. You now know the absolute folly of taking someone else's medication. Not just folly but absolute stupidity. Sorry, but I hope you have well and truly learned that lesson. Medicine should only be prescribed from a GP and is tailored for your problem. Anothers may be entirely different. By what you say you appear to have been 'sensitised' by your experiences. That is your nerves have been stressed. We reach 'breaking point' and are pushed over the edge from normal irritability to real anger and frustration. That is when we can truly say we are in an 'Anxiety State'. Now do not be frightened by this. You have come to the right place because we have all been where you are and many have recovered or are recovering. You do not want to be on medication. Who does? But until you recover it can help you along the road in that direction. There is no doubt that the non prescribed tablets you took have had a bad effect and it may take a while to recover but you WILL if you go about it in the right way. First of all you are NOT alone. You are here among friends who understand. ALL the symptoms you describe are those of anxiety. You can recover as I have said but please do not fight and struggle. This only makes things worse; creates more adrenaline and more fear. Are you at home? Sit in a chair. Let your body slump, go loose and let ALL the symptoms come. Don't try and fight them off. You will find, after a while, that they have not got worse, in fact, you may feel a little calmer. Instead of fighting and struggling and looking at 'poor me in this state', you are going to accept how you feel at the MOMENT. It will go. You will recover but it takes time. Being impatient with time wont help either so let it all go. Come on here and have a good rant. We all do from time to time. You will get well you know. Kind regards. jonathan.

[JadeeW]

Hi Jonathan, thank you so much for answering my question! I suppose you are right, i do get in a Anxiety State and i have no idea to get out of one. Ive tried relaxing techniches but nothing works. You say to find a seat, let my body go loose and let all the symtoms come. Okay so, i feel like my head/brain is all tensed.. ive got to be doing something to ignore the tenceness on my head like gritting my teeth together, i am very tensed up! This tightness on my head i feel like if i try to relax and not be so tensed up my head starts twitchin or shaking? Argh i dont know! But, i know i have come a long way and i know im getting better but im very inpatient lol. I used to feel like i was going to faint, inrapid heartbeat every minute of every day going back june july because of those stupid medication, i wouldnt get up from bed because i didnt want to faint! Now, i get up i sit downstairs, i go out in the car with my mother, i go to places such as close friends, wont go to big supermarkets though i find that if i walk far il collapse? I dont know wetha im over exagarating or anything but this is how i feel and it is taking over my life. Ive been thinking of paying £250 for a hypnotist so i can get this horrid thing out of me, i never used to be like this! I used to be so outgoing, could not stay in for one day! But i feel if i get hypnotised im cheating? and everyone else is suffering and im finding the easy way out? I believe that everything happens for a reason and yes anxietys changed me, maybe for the better? Hmm..

[Hidden]

Hi Jadee

Things will improve , you are young & this will get better

Read your post & think you are very brave young lady , two big ops , must have been stressful , you coped really well & pleased that part is all sorted for you

Everything has been said already , so I will try not to repeat lol

Have you thought of sitting your bf friend down & telling him how you feel , so at least he knows it is not him , this would may be make you feel better as well

Hope you go to GP & let us no how you go on , & stick to only tablets perscribed to you :-*

Keep posting , every one is here for you

whywhy xxx

[JadeeW]

Thankyou whywhy!

Was very scary but i pulled through it! How can you explain something that nobody else have felt? I dont see no point, i can only talk to people that are going through it themselves or have been through it. I will, i certainly learnt my lesson

Thank you again xxxx

[Hidden]

I can only imagine , it really must have been especially at your age , I dont think I would have coped so well , not even now (middle aged ) lol

It made me wonder if the stress of knowing you had to go through that 2nd op , added to your anxiety ? just a thought

I no you say you dont see any point as people dont understand unless they are going through this , which in lots of cases is true but ... I have a long suffering hubby of 20 years & he has suffered & does suffer , living with someone with anxiety , & I dont think he fully understands what I am going through , but ... the fact I tell him does reassure him its nothing personal he has or is doing & I no it helps him , otherwise he might have gone by now thinking he was just with some kind of nutter lol

When I am snappy now , which I can be as anxiety can get you that way , he knows its me stressed & that I am not just picking on him , & it goes along way when you tell them you love them , its nothing they are doing wrong

Just a thought , it helps me , might not help everyone though

Keep going , little by little , small steps , this isnt a race lol but you will get there

whywhy xxx

[JadeeW]

I had my first op when i was 13 and with in a week i was back to my normal self, it didnt effect me in any ways, the tumor grew again i knew id have to live with it and i accepted that there was something in my head that id have to live with, Then last augest all the nueroligists and doctors agreed for me to have a second op to get it all out.. Im due for my MRI in a couple of weeks to check and i am really nervous.. the thought of going to the hospital and everything i know id have a panic attack. So maybe it is. Ive had to deal with so many life changing situations through such a young age but ive dealt with them my own way and got through them. This one just aint going away lol but like i said things are getting better but when it comes back i get so depressed, i just cant look towards the future? I think once i have my MRI results that would put my mind at ease to see if all the tumor has gone. I bet, it must be real had work for him lol because i know my boyfriend dont.. He has ADHD and is very short tempered so with my anxiety were forever arguing. I guess i do need to sit down and have a heart to heart on explaining evrything and then he might understand. xxxx

[Hidden in reply to JadeeW]

You will feel nervous going back for your scan , thats a natural feeling , its easy for me to say , as I am not going through it , but you have been through such alot , see this as the last hurdle you have to jump , & look toward the future , dont look back , you will have a long & happy future ahead of you I am sure of that

I also think once you have your results that will put your mind at rest , you have alot to give , maybe you have gone through this to help other young adults who have to go through it , but there will be a reason , you may see it one day , mean time get all the support you can

ADHD is very hard also to live with , can see now why the arguments will be exploding ! may be he might understand , may be not , cant loose though having a go !

Maybe as your anxiety gets better & you learn how to deal with it , you might be able to cope better with his ADHD & the arguments might get less , you have took alot on !

Please let us no how your scan goes

whywhy xxx

[JadeeW]

I suppose its natural to feel scared for my results and going back to the hospital of memories lol. I will deffo feel a little better once i know my results!!

I know its hard to live with, my brother has it also but theres a difference my boyfriends 18 and my brothers 7.. everything is blamed on adhd with my boyfriend and thats not how things work. Hes dealt with it all his life he knows how to deal with it. Sticking to the subject tho lol I hope it gets better, as you and others have reassured me it DOES get better and ive got to keep hope! Everything takes time and im willing to give it time even though im very inpatient lol. But thankyou whywhy i will do, !! xxxxx