I sat by myself and now I am angry.....

[Tinksishere]

I don't like New Years Eve, I lost my nan on the 31st December 2010 she was someone I spent all my child hood with. Since loosing her it just high lighted the fact I hate New years eve enen more. Last night my partner went to bed at 9.30 I shouted at him as he was going but there was no point as he had been drinking and wasn't listening, I was so angry and upset I tried to take my mind of, that I was by myself (watched film, tele, played on the comp) but I was very restless. I ended up going to bed at 11.45 manage to sleep until 2am then just layed there feeling anxious and thought about everything that I deffiently shouldn't have been thinking about, my Imagination run away with me. I eneded getting up at 5am, my partner woke as i walked out the room and says what you doing, ' UH like he cares '. My body aches, my ears are hissing and my jaw hurts I am so down on my self. Do I let myself stay annoyed or just brush it off, I don't know what to do

[stde]

Do not feel bad.......we cannot choose when our loved ones will leave us.....I suppose someone has to go on Christmas day..or New Years Eve........as I said WE cannot choose.

Think how upset your Nan would be if she thought that her departing would ruin every New Years Eve for the rest of your life (and your partener,s)......

Allow your nan happiness....and look forward to new year with loving thoughts......what would she have wanted for you?

Have a good 2013...................x

[Hidden]

Hi. Tink. You are 'between a rock and a hard place' Don't know which way to turn and thoroughly confused. You are like a guinea pig running round in circles in your cage looking for a way out and finding none. You flog yourself constantly with self doubt and anxiety. Now would your dear old nan want you to suffer because of her? The memory of her is precious, keep it that way. New Year, to you, brings back painful memories, and that is something that we all have to learn to live with. You cant just 'brush it off'. A big mistake. But you can ACCEPT it for what it is; memory and FEAR working in a tired mind. "Thoughts you definitely should not have been thinking about". But you cant just switch off, can you? So go with the thoughts there; accept them for what they are, just thoughts. NOT easy but it can be done and, to me anyway, the only way. Distraction is fine, but you cannot go on for ever in distraction. You have to FACE the fact that you feel as you do and ACCEPT that fact. Running away from the situation will not help as you take yourself with you wherever yo go. You WILL NOT always be this way. Time, rest and acceptance will heal eventually but try not to be impatient with time. Your present social conditions do not seem conducive to a peaceful life, and perhaps you need to look at that, but that is your decision. Look after yourself Kind regards. jonathan.

[swanlinnet in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for this Jon'

[swanlinnet]

Hope you soon pick up Tinks.

[Tinksishere]

Hi to all that took the time to reply to my angst.

I have taken the time and read and read over and over the helpful thoughts and suggestions. With some much deserved sleep I feel a bit more together.

Thankyou once again it has really mad me feel wanted.

Happy Positive 2013 x

Tinks