so many people feel the same as me

[Utdfan]

i have only been on this site for few weeks and cannot believe how many people have or feel the same. it does help to know i am not alone but makes me sad to think what we have to go through...

i have been good for last couple of weeks no anxiety or panic, its like a button that flicks on and off and i dont know when it will happen . for firsr time in 6 years i had a nice christmas due to been anxiety free, nothing has really changed, my husband died 8 years ago. My mum still refuses to talk to me 6 years on, and my new husband still drinks to much! but financially we are a lot better.

please hang in there everyone laugh lots and remember it will pass

[stde]

Just a thought you said in an earlier post that you have felt like this for six years.........then you mentioned here that your mum has refused to talk to you for six years......could this be part of your ongoing anxiety.....If so and it is in your hands, sometimes it is better to mend the past...

... I don,t want to comment to much as I don,t know the circumstances but I do wish you a better 2013..............xxx

[Utdfan in reply to stde]

thanks i have tried for last 6 years to make amends with my mom but everytime get knocked back she has distanced herself from pretty much all extended family shes a typical stubborn catholic irish woman who never agreed to me marying a divorced man... to be honest it tracks back to when i lost my first husband to cancer 8 years ago i was 37 and my 2 kids were 13 AND 8, the anxiety started a year after he died

[Hidden]

Hi. Utdfan. Not surprising is it that you feel anxious. My goodness, who wouldn't, going through your experiences. Sorry, I have to say this, but it is very difficult to deal with prejudice. Your mother is prejudiced, and given her age and beliefs, it will be very difficult for you to reconcile your relationship with her.You can only do your best. A lot of people have what is known as 'blind prejudice'. They can see no further than the end of their noses and NEVER take the trouble to look at it from the other persons viewpoint. Go on loving her with understanding as she should love you. If she does not respond then you have done your best and can only hope for improvement. Do NOT put yourself in the GUILT situation. So many on this site are made to feel guilty because of how they feel. This is not good enough. No one should feel guilty about something for which they are not to blame. Anyway, you seem to have had a good Christmas and that is a good start. Bless you. jonathan.

[Utdfan in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Jonathan

[henige in reply to Hidden]

Good advice everyone. Fear and guilt are the downers. If you can, talk things through with the people who are involved in this, and, if they don't want to know, hey, you've done your best. A person can only do so much. This is a lovely comfortable new site that I've found. Keep the chat going. It's like your own little club.

Love to all xxx

[stde]

Ha Ha.....memories....37 years ago I married someone of the opposite religion....what a carry on.....now most off those who thought it would never work are divorced!!!!!!

Johnathan is right if you feel compassion for her fixed attitude, because you will find that in her own way she suffers from not living with an open mind.....write her a letter, send her b,day/christmas cards telling her no matter what you love her because she is your mother. I know that may be hard under the circumstance, but your concious will be clear and it will be up to your mothers if she finally sees the light.......in all fairness you will probably outlive your mum and so look after yourself........xxxx

Sadly some people come into to this world and leave without learning or changing to become better people.....their loss................

[Utdfan]

Yeah Stde she is very prejudiced and no matter what she will never admitt she is in the wrong. The worst of it all is she has a grand daughter and grandson that she never bothers with either, she is a very hard woman, but i do love her, but i am always hoping she will turn into the mom i crave, but i have to come to terms with the fact that at 82 she is not gonna change now... thank you all for your support has helped a lot writing these blogs x

[Hidden]

Another small point is that your mother's beliefs and feelings are her safety net. She feels comfortable in her faith and who are we to say she is wrong. It is just a pity that she cannot embrace her daughter in those beliefs. She is obviously a Christian but is it not surprising that following a man who said "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you" she cannot do it? Love. jonathan.