Feel so overwhelmed

[Blackflamingo31]

Hi there,

I'm 21 years old, a female. I was brutally raped by a friend of a friend last year. There was blood, it was awful. He was bigger than me, stronger then me and I was left hopeless. Ever since I have been battling anxiety, depression and health OCD. I had to go through testing for STDs which was the scariest part of it all for me. I have since been seeing a counsellor and go to a women's assault centre for therapy.

On top of battling all the feelings of worthlessness and dirtiness, never feeling whole again, etc. I worry about my health and my safety. The person who assaulted me has a history of assault and was also in jail for assault causing bodily harm.

I have been dealing with terrible thoughts since everything happened. For example, I fear that he was positive for something and raped me to spread the disease or that he's planning to find me and do it again.

I woke up with arm pain in my upper bicep almost 5 days ago and it felt similar to the soreness you get after an injection. My mind automatically started thinking that he broke into my house while I was asleep and injected me with a used syringe. I don't know why I'm having this soreness and it's still there. I don't recall lifting something heavy recently and that's what worries me more. I'm so scared.

[Icanbeathis2016]

First off, I'm sorry to hear that you experience such a traumatic event like this. I can only imagine how it makes someone feel day to day as with you I feel like you gave a reason to be feeling the way you do which of course it's still an awful thing of anxiety and health anxiety. And i too know how our minds can take us all over the world mentally with intrusive thoughts. I wish peace of mind and better days to come for you.

[Icanbeathis2016]

My apologies, I didn't mean to say "gave a reason" this stupid auto text. I meant have a reason to be feeling the way you do after such a traumatic experience.

[Blackflamingo31 in reply to Icanbeathis2016]

Thank you so much for your reply. I definitely am dealing with intrusive thoughts that make me feel so much worse.

[Icanbeathis2016 in reply to Blackflamingo31]

I know what you mean. I can't never have a clear positive mind which I know is probably making things worse.

[Blackflamingo31 in reply to Icanbeathis2016]

Me too. I find a counsellor has helped a lot in sorting out my thoughts at least a little. If you haven't looked into it, you should!

[Icanbeathis2016 in reply to Blackflamingo31]

I did try therapy it was ok. I did mostly all the talking. I was more so assuming therapy would be like me as the student listening more and getting more advice. But it was like I talked the whole time and was given some advice. But it still wad good to just get things off my chest

[Blackflamingo31 in reply to Icanbeathis2016]

Yeah, I know what you mean. Maybe have a chat with the therapist and bring up that you want more discussion around what he/she recommends? I know how hard it is, i wish there was a simple solution.

[Stewart87]

Hi there, Unfortunaley I can't relate to you as I've never had an experience like yours. But after reading your post I just wanted to say I'm sorry this happened to you. Whatever sentence this horrible man got it wasn't long enough for what he did.

I hope you meet the right people you need to help you get on the road to making you get over this though. Take care x

[Blackflamingo31 in reply to Stewart87]

Thank you so much for your empathy and kindness. I truly appreciate it.

[Stewart87 in reply to Blackflamingo31]

In response to your original post perhaps your mind is setting up a defence system? I suffered from PTSD many years back and I had similar thoughts. Your guard will be at its highest just now so the fact that your worried about things is perfectly fine. You were put in an abnormal situation which is making you feel abnormal, which in turn is a normal human reaction.

Again, I can't really give you any advice here as I've never had your experience. But there are people out there who can help us overcome any obstacles we face, the challenge is finding them. And I hope you do x

[Blackflamingo31 in reply to Stewart87]

Yeah I think you're right. I'm going to bring up the issue of ptsd with my counsellor tomorrow and see what she has to say. I just hope I can overcome this and live a normal life again. Thank you so much for your response though, you're truly so kind!

[chong066]

I am truly sorry to hear that and I hope you can overcome and move on with your life. Best regards.