I need to get this out, im sooo pi**ed off atm its unbelievable, i was ok this morning when i got up but thinking about what my daughter said this morning has changed that. Its kind of a long story, but il try keep it simple;
i used to live in a 4 bed house 3 years ago, had to downgrade cos kids moved out and it was a private house so council would not pay rent for extra bedroom, moved to 3 bed house and kids decided to move back in, which the 2 girls aged 20 and 21 had to share a bedroom, which they absolutely hate. They ave fought and argued for a few years now, and i mean fist fights, ive threw one of my daughters out (the 21 year old) a few times for being disrespectful to me and punching a hole in my bathroom door, which i know she does out of frustration, i cant see her on the street so we had a heart to heart about her behaviour when i was having my breakdown and made her see what it does to me. Anyway, my youngest daughter (20 year old) works and the 21 year old is so inconsiderate that she made my 20 year old sleep downstairs because apparently she was trying to clean the bedroom very late last night when my working daughter was trying to sleep, banging wardobes and furniture. My daughter told me about it this morning for me to have a word with her, saying she's nothing but a bully.
Im at my wits end. I just feel like running away and not coming back!!!! Im so pi**ed off with them being so inconsiderate. My 21 year old caused a lot of trouble a few months ago, saying horrible things on facebook and twitter about my eldest daughter, who doesnt live with me but comes here every day, calling her all kinds, and they still have not spoken or made up. Ive been so miserable lately, no wonder im like the way i am. I have literally been living in a war zone. Ive told them before, either they share and put up with it, or they will have to leave and find somewhere else to stay as i cannot take any more crap off them. I just dont know what to do anymore. I really feel like leaving them all to it and packing a bag and going to stay in a refuge or something.
Hi Linny. This sounds like a horrible situation to be in and I can completely understand why you feel so frustrated. In all honesty I wouldn't know what I would do in that situation. Part of me would think that my children would be old enough to fend for themselves, and should be respecting you as their mother, especially with what you are going through, however when it comes down to it, being in the situation I'm sure you want to do everything you can to help your children.
From the outside looking in, what you describe seems like they have very little respect for you at times, you seem to be working very hard to provide a home for them, yet they punch holes in doors etc and fight with each other (which is obviously not uncommon for sisters to do!) I obviously don't know anything about your lives but I hope things get better for you. Can you perhaps do something together and all have a heart to heart? As there seems to be a lot of anger surrounding you all. Perhaps giving an ultimatum of 'behave or leave'? or would that make matters worse. Sometimes you have to help yourself before you can help others.
sorry to hear about the warzone in your own house, kids uh! wonderful invention, maybe its time to take back 'your' home, they live, visit or stay over, but its not their home its yours! you spent a life time bringing them up, giving them every thing you could afford, and some, and get this as a thank you, great! children can be pretty selfish and dont think about the people around them, (like their mum) and what their actions are putting her through. I wouldnt run away as problems just follow you, (basta*ds) but its time for a little ME time, tell them how they are making you feel and that it cant go on like this. easier said than done, i know, but you gotta take a stand before they drive you out or mad, we all mad here though so your in the right place, good luck linny, merry christmas yeah right, VV x
Hi Linny - I'm not a mother, although I do understand how difficult it is for a mother to "turn her back" on her children - but, sometimes, putting up with bad behaviour is actually NOT doing them any favours. If they live in your house, they live by your rules - they are both old enough to vote, fight for their country, get married, emigrate, just about everything else - they are NOT children, even though they're YOUR children. The words "tough love" spring to mind, I'm afraid!
I had some experience of this with one of my sisters - she's dead now, so I feel I can talk about her. She "went off the rails" in her teens, drove my mother nearly insane, staying out all night - my father would throw her out one door and my mother would sneak her in the other lol! At one point, my mother said to her - If you think I'm so unreasonable, go and get a room and see if a landlady/landlord would put up with your behaviour!!!
On one jaw-dropping occasion - my mother, you have to understand, was the real Mother Earth thing, her children were everything to her - but my sister - she'd gone to live in London, didn't like it, came home, went back to London, came home - not sure how many times, she was quite a bit older than I. Anyway, I think it was one evening, when my mother was dishing up supper for 7 of us (!) having worked most of the day in a laundry - when my sister said - as if this was the ONLY important question in the universe - "I think I'll go back to London, Mum. Don't you think that's the best idea?" And my mother, who had reached the end of her rope, stunned her, herself, and everyone else by saying "Sue, you can do what you bloody-well like!!!!" And my mother didn't swear!!! Sue (not her real name) cried MUM!!!! - she just could not believe that at that moment, with supper on the go, after a day's work, my mother was neither able nor prepared to have a heart to heart as to Sue's future plans!!!!!
Basically, and I don't want to hurt your feelings, your daughters are being totally selfish. They are old enough to support you, not make things worse - and certainly not punching holes in YOUR furniture!!!! I think you need to draw up some "House Rules" - stick them on the fridge - break them twice and you're out!
It's not selfish, Linny, it's YOUR home - and why the hell should YOU go to a shelter?????
Alternatively, Relate do offer Family Counselling, where you all get together with a trained professional, and everyone gets to air their problems/grievances and try to sort them out in a "safe environment. you could try that - go to:- relate.org.uk/family-counse...
Good luck, Linny, and don't you DARE move out of your home - though it would serve the girls right if they found themselves having to pay the rent
Unfortunately for you--you are the safety net....and until that net is removed they will not change (I know someone in a similar situation, and they are unable to do that because as a mother she can,t....and so the senario has went on for years).....I also know someone who,s health was effected so badly she had to put her out, but after a few months she is back (after getting a flat she could,t afford even thou the dhs was probably paying rent) with her tail cut a little shorter.......It is a very difficult time for you...but as i,ve mentioned in previous posts you have got to look after your mental health first...you are the most important person...without it we are no use to anyone.......best wishes no1....xx
Thank you all for listening to my rant, i have gave them ultimatums more times than i can remember, i spoke to my 21 year old about having a bit of consideration, and all i got was 'well she needs to be considerate when shes turning the light on at 6am and waking me up' so im gonna get them both together and vent my frustrations and let them know how this constant fighting and bickering is affecting me and if they dont like the living conditions here then after xmas they will have to look elsewhere and i cannot be their safety net anymore. You are right, they are selfish brats, and ive bent over backwards to help them, only to be shit on (excuse my language) and walked over like a doormat and disrespected. Ive saved up all year on the pittance the dss give me on ems (im not on the sick because apparantly i didnt score points when i went for an assessment, even tho i broke down crying and was a nervous mess) and bought them nice xmas presents and made sure ive got shopping in, i skint meself every year, and dya know what, i dont think they deserve it for what they have put me through. Ive got 'mug' written on my forehead i think.
your not a mug we all do it, and get the same response, i havent got a clue why we bother, sorry i called them kids, they are your children but as said they are adults now and should know better. i hope you get sorted VV
Aww, Linny, hun, you're not a "mug" you're a "mum" and - I'm not one, but it must be so hard to be tough with them. But YOU matter too Linny - you're no use to anyone if you let them get you to the end of your rope. Hope you can have a reasonable Christmas, hun, but yes, do tell them the "facts of life" afterwards - they should NOT be treating you like this, and there is no reason on earth why you should put up with it!
We're all here for you, hun, come and rant any time! It helps!
Love
Rose
xxxxxx
Hi Linny
Our little rays of sunshine are great. I do find that the young ones are very selfish in this day and age. They sit around while we run ragged and expect everything done for them.
My eldest boys (18 + 16 ) drive me mad. They both go to college. Luckily they dont fight, but they dont do a lot around the house. I only had a argument with my middle one last night. It escalated into a big fight where i ended up telling him to get out. He disrespected me and i wont have that.
Your girls fighting is a sign of disrespect towards you, even though they dont realise. Its a good idea to sit them both down and have a heart to heart. Tell them they are not helping you with the anxiety and its causing you even more anxiety.
Good luck chicks. The more we do for them the more they expect from us. Even where i work i see the young uns are so bone idle. Even where my partner works the 16 yr old apprentice is selfish.
Love Lou
xx
Thank you all for listening to my raving rant and giving me a shoulder to vent my frustrations, its been hard being a single mum all their lives really, ive had to be mum/dad/counsellor/judge and jury and now their safety net, which i do not begrudge, il help them as much as i can, but there is only so much someone can take, and lately if im honest, they have contributed to my anxiety with their selfishness and i feel selfish because atm im not a strong enough person, im trying to get ME right first.
Ive done my best for them and i think ive done a pretty good job considering what we have been through, none of them are on drugs or alcoholics or ave ever tried drugs, i really drilled that into them at a very young age lol. I really could write a book about our life, it would be a best seller haha
Why on earth are u putting up with this ..ap??? You've tried explaining to them what this is doing to you and they still do it to you. I suggest 2 things. 1. You could try family therapy - try getting a family counsellor to explain to them what they are doing to you. 2. If that doesn't work THROW THEM OUT. Tell them that you love them but they are making you ill. Tell them you have tried t explain it to them so that they would stop doing it, but they haven't. So you have had to take control of the situation. Tell them that you cannot get better while they are around you and you cannot be the mother that you want to be while they are making you like this. They are old enough to look after themselves anyway. Stick to your guns. x
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- when my sister said - as if this was the ONLY important question in the universe - "I think I'll go back to London, Mum. Don't you think that's the best idea?" And my mother, who had reached the end of her rope, stunned her, herself, and everyone else by saying "Sue, you can do what you bloody-well like!!!!" And my mother didn't swear!!! Sue (not her real name) cried MUM!!!! - she just could not believe that at that moment, with supper on the go, after a day's work, my mother was neither able nor prepared to have a heart to heart as to Sue's future plans!!!!! 
Blessed to be alive but now more suffering
I feel like im disappearing
I havn't felt this poorly in a while..............
Trying not to dwell on this type of fear
