Im not going crazy... ive been this way since i can remember.

[Whatsitallabout2015]

Hi everyone im new to the community, im a 32 year old male work full time, in a long term relationship and have a great little boy, im saying this because even tho it all sounds great i have had this...... well lets say this shadow cast over me since i can remember, actually i kinda remember when i started feeling like this i was in my late teens and its somthing ive had to live with since. Depression anxiety most of all paranoia this is my weakness. When i was young it was like water off a ducks back shrugged it off laughed about it and marched forward like you do, but as im getting older my mind is taking its toll on me its causing a rift between me and my partner its effecting my work even tho i part own the company so theres no real threat to my job, anyway never done this before not even sure if im putting this in the right place but it kinda feels good to vent off. lets start at the beginning my mother bless her suffers from clinical depression and has done all her life her sister my aunt suffers the same, her brothers suffer from ocd and when i say ocd i mean ocd theres been many a night picking my uncle up to go for a pint and ive had to wait 20 minutes for him to lock his door unlock, lock, unlock.... you get the picture so im guessing it runs in the family. Anyway the reason why im here is i feel on a daily basis im on my own i feel stressed constantly paranoid anxious and genarally fed up with everything. Im not one to go seek the doctor every two mins so when i actually made a appointment and they told me hes fullly booked for the next three weeks call again for a cancellation i kinda got disheartened and thought sod it whats the point. My problem i find it hard to trust because of my paranoia when im level headed like i am now im a nice courtious person but when im (i call it my other self) comes out i can be a nightmare i hear voices and litrally argue with my self without even realizing it wether it being on my own or in pubic so you can see my problem i can come across as well weird im in costant conflict with myself i feel i have this other entity inside my head that takes control more and more its hard to explain but its got me in some crazy and well dangearous situations, ive been arrested spent a few nights here and there in her majestys hotel (cell for the night) anyway theres alot more to my story and alot more to how my crazy head works this is just whats on my mind at the moment, i dunno maybe theres someone out there who can relate to some of this crazyness i dunno probly gone totally off the plot with my waffling but i dunno worth a try thanks for listening.

[Agu8383]

It does sound like you should speak to specialist , I don't mean like gp they don't know how to help people with depression and anxiety . You should speak to psychologist and get some help. They can help you to find a group that you can go and talk about the way you feel and that can help a lot. It could be genetic and it could be quite serious if you don't get the help you need.

Remember you are not alone and there are so many like us out there that feel the same way .

It makes things so much easier and better to speak about it out loud to someone that can understand.

Don't be scared or afraid .

[Whatsitallabout2015 in reply to Agu8383]

Hi agu8383, Like i said in my post ive never shared anything of how i feel ive just lived with it, maybe more pride and doing the man thing, but really appriciate your quick comment and its good to know someone actually listened thank you. Im that guy you see at the pub pool que in hand big daft smile welcomes anyone and everyone but deep inside im a mess again thank you just for your understanding. I think mental health in males atleast were i live goes unnoticed again thank you its nice to know someones out there.

[Agu8383 in reply to Whatsitallabout2015]

I get it completely . My partner suffers from depression and I knew he needs help so I send him to psychologist and he is somehow better now, it only has been few weeks but I can see a notice . is not easy to talk about what is happening inside the mind of ours . I am always scared to talk to anyone even my family worring they think I could be crazy and yes I had moment in my life that I thought I was.

Take care

[Whatsitallabout2015 in reply to Agu8383]

i understand its not easy to live with someone with a mental illness ive seen it most of mylife through family, never thought it would catch up with me but seriously im glad you replied cos i was really loosing my faith in everything, finding this forum through nhs direct was a god send just your reply made my mind at ease just nice to know someones out there i cant talk to anyone close because i have to be the strong male type in the family and i dont want it to reflect on my son i hope your partner recovers if thats the right words to use but its amazing how many men suffer in silence reading through some of the post i realize im not totally alone admitting it takes alot for a bloke to share his feelings but until tonight i totally felt alone and didnt kknow were to turn. thank u again

[faithful_j in reply to Whatsitallabout2015]

Well let me tell u ur not alone @ all! U know that shadow or entity I believe it's a demon. I feel the same way ur not crazy at all! Im glad u found this site 2 were here 2 help eachother!

[Whatsitallabout2015 in reply to faithful_j]

Thank you woke up this Morning feeling alittle better its good to get a few things off my chest feel a bit stupid to be honest writing on here but i does feel good talking bout it somthing i rarely do.

[faithful_j in reply to Whatsitallabout2015]

The best part is ur talking 2 ppl who are going thru the exact same thing

[corsaUMM]

you really must see your GP and tell him all this. If you are hearing voices, not your own you must get the proper treatment. Make an app NOW. they are not there to judge.

[Whatsitallabout2015 in reply to corsaUMM]

Yeah i am going to make a app just feels stupid but it needs to Be done thank s for the reply and support.