I went out, yep, not far, but out all the same,

[VincentVega]

went down the road to get my meds, felt knackered when i came back, didnt look up off the floor for a second but take the positives right, be strong all the force is with us, oh no thats something else isnt it, VV x

[clairep]

Hi well done you little steps u did it what an achievement.Small steps lead to big ones treat yourself good work

claire xx

[VincentVega in reply to clairep]

Thank you Claire, i just felt really up for a change last night after finding this site, i want to make some progress, but like you say little steps first, thank you for your support Claire, TTFN VV x

[ellabella]

Hahahaha that's Star wars I think W. How amazing are you???? Well done sweetheart! you have achieved a victory! as Claire says above do treat yourself to something nice, she should as well after making it across that bridge earlier this week. Proud of you both xxxxxxx

[VincentVega in reply to ellabella]

Hey EB, thank you, feels good to have so much support, TTFN VV x

[Poppy45]

Well done VinventVega! That isn't just a little achievement it's a massive one! Just leaving the house can be a nightmare some days. You've got a great sense of humour about it which I know helps

[VincentVega in reply to Poppy45]

Hi Poppy, thank you for your kind words, yes i do like to joke sometimes about this horrid illness, although, we all know there isnt much to smile about on those really bad days, i almost want to laugh at myself sometimes when i think of the thoughts that have been racing through my head about a particular situation coming up and you should have seen the speeds i reached while out it was all over pretty quick and i was knackered, thank you for your support Poppy TTFN VV x

[BriarRose]

Absolutely, Vincent, NOT a small achievement, a massive one - the Force strong in you must be

Yep, you and Claire should treat yourself to something nice - celebrate, you got out of the house!

As I put somewhere else, and someone liked it;-

"Question: How do you eat an elephant?"

"Answer: One slice at a time!"

Wouldn't recommend it for sabre-toothed tigers though

Well done, keep posting, you've got a brilliant sense of humour!

BTW, what is your OU degree in? Be interested to know - but just being nosy

Love

Rose xxx

[VincentVega in reply to BriarRose]

Hey Rose, you do make me laugh Rose, i think we have the same sense of humour, your very funny Rose, we all need to laugh though dont we, sometimes its so hard to see anything else but sadness,ive just about had enough of being so unhappy, every day i wake up with this bloody anxiety, you beg it to just leave you only, but it wont have it, how bad are those feelings Rose, you feel a total loss of control over your own mind. Anyway, enough doom and gloom, thank you for your continuing support Rose i am very lucky to have met such a nice warm caring person.

Oh, of course you can ask me about the degree, you can ask me whatever you like, i am doing one of those topics your not supposed to talk about, im doing an Hons in politics/social science, which i do really enjoy, i have an interest in world politics but this last course is pretty hard going. can i ask what you studied at uni Rose, i liked your choice of books to read on the loo btw. TTFN VV x

[RedDelight27]

Well done huni you made it out and that's the main thing....it might not feel like much to you but it's a huge achievement like everyone else has said!

I hadn't left the house in 2 months and it was only last week that I started to go out and like you it hasn't been far but we made it outside and that's the main thing :-)! Onwards and upwards xx

[VincentVega in reply to RedDelight27]

Hi RD, thank you so much, im taken a back by the really loverly people i have met on here in only a couple of days. well done to you to RD, it is a big step to take to break that cycle of avoidance, its much easier to stay in the safe place. i was in the same position 8 years ago, didn't leave the bedroom for a couple of months and was taking some meds they put me on that sent me to outer space, it can be done, slowly, and like you say onwards and upwards, TTFN VV x

[mumma]

fantastic and I hope your feeling chuffed right now. Doing anything that usually makes you feel anxious is a great step

[VincentVega in reply to mumma]

Hi Mumma, i feel on a total high at the mo but i know not to get carried away this is a slow process that you have to stick to. im pretty much anxious all the time Mumma its just the level, my biggest problem is like others in the fear of the fear TTFN VV

[Hidden]

Thats great well done Vincent....doesnt matter that your eyes didnt leave the floor just being out there is a major step....may the force be with you!! lol

[VincentVega in reply to Hidden]

Hi Caz, thank you for your kind support Caz, it was all over pretty fast i can tell ya, did the same bit again today, bad day, but still did it, so all good, TTFN VV

[Hidden]

Congrats mate, one small step leads to the right direction.

Shamus

[VincentVega in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, Shamus, the steps were pretty large,and pretty fast, but like you say its the right direction and you have to start somewhere cheers Shamus TTFN VV

[Melgil58]

Hello well done that's how I started getting out again down the shop and back quick as I could but gradually slowed down and had a look round and try and lift your head up cos we havnt got a sign on our forehead saying look at me I'm about to do something weird because we havnt good look to you you've done great keep it up Mel

[VincentVega in reply to Melgil58]

Hello Melgil, thank you for your kind words of support, its like you know me because thats just how i feel, like i might do something strange and that people are looking at me, i hate the distance thing as well as soon as i turn around it feels worse, not better because now i have a distance to get back and i cant do circles either because of the half way point, but ill work on it. not feeling great today, but still managed to do the same route again, so far, so far, so good, TTFN VV

[Melgil58 in reply to VincentVega]

Hiya Vincent it's good to hear back from you sorry you've had a bad day but things do improve although iv had it for yrs it's not so bad at the minute but when I was working I just kept going with it instead of getting help I used to be an industrial painter on bridges stations the underground traveling to jobs over 100 miles away everyday the driving there was awful 20 fag trips dry mouth sweats general nervousness stopping every motorway service for the toilet me mates always thought it was hilarious I didn't I should have recognised I had a problem when I got to the job I didn't speak much to anyone I couldn't wait to get back in the van and get home usually another 10 fags and it took me less time to get home than it did going to the job and i never stopped at the services as I say I should have got help but I didn't I tried to tough it out it didn't work its left me burnt out I'm now getting help and feeling a lot better your getting help and that's good and your getting out take it at your own pace you'll get there and life will improve for you and yours I wish you the very best. Mel

[VincentVega in reply to Melgil58]

Hi Mel,

How strange it is that we all have similar paths that led us to this point. i too should have got help when i needed it. i lost my mum when she was only 53 and instead of getting help to deal with it, i just chose not to ever think about it, time went past then my wife became extremly unwell with progressive ms, something again that was out of my control. i was in a position at work as an operations manager that i could pick and chose what i did so i managered to hide my problems for many years, and although i cant believe it now, i too was driving for 3hrs a night to get to work and back, which went on for 20 years. but in the end i got stuck in a traffic jam for about 3hrs and just panicked for the whole time. i then went sick with more excuses, took all my a/l, until it all led to me being medically retired. went from there to my bedroom for a couple of months. this has be going on for the last 10 years, though i did have a bubble that i could get around in, which i have lost twice now, this being the worst though, but i made it out of it before, and i am pretty set on doing it again, its extremly difficult, but i dont want too much just how i was my little bubble back. i feel for you and every one else that has to live with this horrid illness, which is also so difficult to talk about and explain to people, if i say im feeling unwell every one thinks you have a cold or something, try explaining no its in my head.

its made that much more difficult because of how unwell my wife is, she has to rely on me 24hrs a day, and i cant even rely on me sometimes. its funny because ever since i was a youngster my mum insteeled in me never to lie, so i grew up never telling porkies, but now i have become the best bullsh!ter there is, any excuse to avoid a situation where i believe im going to get those feelings that i am in so much fear of. im not saying that its any worse for me than others, of course not, but it doesnt help that im quite a big fella, so people never think i could have this illness, even when getting help because my deb is wheelchair bound everyone talks to her first, and she has to say its not me why we are here, im physically unwell, its the nutter behind me you want. though, i must be honest the support groups for my wife are by far and away better than mental heath support. anyway im going on and on again, TTFN Mel VV

[Melgil58]

Yes we are similar in a lot of ways lost my mum when she was 60 my mrs when she was 57 which knocked me about a hell of a lot but I'm coming up now I am also finished work wise at 58 and like you I've become a champion bullshitter although when I used to deal with the public I used to be pretty good at it then as well but I never knowingly did a bad job for anybody even tho it got me in bother with the boss when it took a bit longer to do a job right any way thanks for sharing i'le keep an eye out for you and keep in touch Mel

[VincentVega]

thats extremly sad to hear Mel, i believe there are always such painful roads that led us to feeling like this, i'll keep an eye out for you too fella, keep strong Mel, all the best VV

[Lavendergirl222]

Well done .....