Good day bad night ??

I've always had a fear of trains but especialy the train tracks. I remember nightmares I had as a child but have no clue why, but i have always avoided travelling by train i'd rather go all round the houses by bus if i have to but I would much rather walk if possible.

So now My partner and I are trying to sort things out and get back together after being apart for about six months which was my fault as i didn't realise that all the moods i was having were down to anxiety, panic and depression and not his actions.

We had planned to go for a day out today and i was really looking forward to it.

So we walked to the train station and I knew i was getting panicky the closer we got then we was walking down the stairs to the platform and there they were.............THE TRACKS argh i tried to keep it together but i just couldn't And i burst into tears (how silly lol)

My partner was so lovely he tried to talk me round, asked me why i was so frightened (i have no clue) even offered to take me back home But I refused to give in and remembering all the great advice i'd been given on here in the past I did it!!! I waited there holding his hand for the train and when it arrived i got on, had a wonderful day shopping with a few anxiety/panic attacks (thoughts of dropping down dead in the middle of the place) throughout the day but it was worth the effort.

I'm tired now a bit tearful but maybe thats relief that i'm home safely

Fell asleep only to wake with heart palps and fears that I'm dying now in even more tears I'm really starting to think I can't cope with the downs anymore!!! I just don't know what to do

Hope you've all had a better day than usual

7 Replies

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  • bless you....sounds awful.....have you thought about or tried hypnotherapy? ;-)

  • Mantra is a Sanskrit word often translated as ‘something to lean the mind upon’.

    A mantra is a tool for cultivating awareness and reflection, and is one of the most common meditation techniques (along with breath meditation) used around the world today.

    In mantra meditation the object of our focus (or our anchor) is a short word, phrase or sound - repeated over and over - aloud or silently in the mind. As you repeat the mantra your mind fixes on the sound and vibration, your body relaxes and your breathing slows. In time there is a sense of the breath weaving itself into the rhythm of the mantra (like a seductive song) .. and this gentle repetition stills and centres us, until eventually the mantra stops and we rest in stillness.

    When we use a mantra that holds a meaning, when the words repeated have significance, then our mantra can influence our mind state, leading us away from the subconscious negative mind chatter fuelling our feelings of stress, to a sense of calmness and ease that we associate with the word ‘re-lax’.

    “As we think, so we become” (Buddha).

    "RE-LAX" MANTRA MEDITATION

    * Find a place to sit comfortably and begin by spending a few moments just watching your breath.

    * Observe your breath moving in its own natural rhythm, not trying to change or control your breath in any way. Simply being aware of the inhalation and exhalation in this moment.

    * Feel your body. Feel your breath. Let go of any tension or tightness you notice. Allow your focus to gently move inward.

    * When you feel ready, begin to silently note the mantra "RE-LAX". As you breathe in .. “RE” .. and as you breathe out the second syllable "-LAX". Gently in time with your breath .. “RE..LAX” “RE..LAX”.

    * If you become distracted simply notice that you have been distracted and when ready return to the next inhalation and the mantra "RE ..LAX".

    Before finishing, sit a little longer with your eyes closed simply enjoying the stillness and silence cultivated in your meditation. When you move back into your day, allow that peace and calm move with you, silently noting the mantra throughout the day to reconnect and remind yourself of your intention to relax.

  • Thank you for your reply, I'll try this today and fingers crossed it will work thank you!

  • Oh my goodness! So lets put aside the fact that you woke up in the night (oddly I did last night, I had the fun one when you wake up and for some reason the instant you do your mind thinks you've forgotten to breath so you gasp in air which I always find really odd) and focus on the fact the you just did something incredible!

    You should be SO proud of yourself for getting to that station, onto that train and around those shops, what an amazing achievement! You should almost expect to have a wobbly moment or too after such a massive day!

    WELL DONE YOU!!!

    Also loving John's Mantra - Off to try that one!

  • That's exactly how I woke last night but with palpitations which made me feel like that was the end of my life.

    And I hadn't actually thought of it like that lol with all the emotions and horrid thoughts I'd had I knackered myself out and of corse would've been more likely to have a wobbly moment.

    Thank you so much, I did do quite well lol ??

  • I like you find these quiet exhausting little interludes in my otherwise restful sleep, especially so as I've always been a keen sleeper and never really had any issues until my latest periods of anxiety.

    I find there's a couple of ways to tackle these ones. The first is to immediately remind yourself that this is just a waking panic attack, they're extremely common and you know you've had them before. This can help with the initial adrenaline rush. The next is to recall that as you move into panic mode (which may not always happen) you're looking at the worst of it hitting in roughly 5 to 10 minutes time, so expect the feelings to build a little.

    At this point there's a few tried and tested options. My personal favourite (much to my partners amusement at times) is to stroke my partner hair (a cat works better I'm told) this is kind of meditative. Another approach is to jump out of bed, wander to the kitchen and make a cup of nice warm herbal tea or perhaps hot milk in the microwave with which you can sit quietly in bed and read or watch a little quite TV on an iPad or Laptop or TV if you have cable and can choose programming you find soothing. Great British Bake off, Nigelissima or maybe a wildlife docu work well for me.

    You'll usually find within 30 minutes the attack has passed and you're all set to nod off again. Think of it as a first and second sleep with a little break in the middle, very common for our species in fact until quiet recently. :)

  • Hi PB1999. We have spoken before and, by what you say, you certainly have accomplished something pretty remarkable! The key! You' refused to give in. That's it! (Not easy, was it, but you did it). By refusing to give in and accepting the way you felt you have won that particular round. DO NOT go around looking for a reason for your fear of Tracks.It just wastes valuable energy. It could be anything. I have known people afraid of feathers, of wheelbarrows (yes, that's true) of practically anything. But your immediate concern is how you feel now. The accomplishment you have achieved has tired you. You feel depleted but this is a natural re-action to your wonderful day out. UP and DOWNS are inevitable at your stage of recovery. Do not be alarmed by this. If your doctor has given you the OK then the dreaded 'Palps' will not harm you. They really won't!! You are lucky having an understanding partner. If everyone had that the recovery rate from this awful illness would be greater. By the way, it is not 'silly' to burst into tears. We have all done that. Now I feel you had a good day because you ACCEPTED how you felt. You did not fight. You may have done at first but your partner helped you overcome. However you feel at the moment remember the good day. THERE ARE MORE GOOD DAYS TO COME. Love and blessings. jonathan.

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