Such a good night

I am normally in bed by 8 But it's 1 a.m. and I'm still up, tonight was such a nice night, I'm actually getting soft and was in tears, I had a good Christmas with my family and I had this strange feeling come over me that it's going to be my last, like I know something is wrong with me and there isn't anything I can do about it. I sat watching movies with my mom and sister's and had the kids all there and it felt normal for once, I watched Harry potter, I laughed and joked and played games with the kids, we had a huge dinner, I then went outside because this feeling hit me, that this will be my last Christmas and the last time I had this feeling I was in Iraq and I had a feeling that the holiday we were about to have was going to be the last one as an entire family and my dad died 4 months after Christmas that year. Its a strange feeling like you just know and not anxiety..... I went out side and asked God to Just please give me one more with my family. I don't want it to be over yet. I love them. I am still awake because I don't want it to be over with. I believe something is not right with me and I wont make it to see next years Christmas........ I know you all will say I'm just feeling down but it's not that, I really have this odd feeling like you just know. Its inside and you just can't sense it. I hugged my mom for so long tonight. Anyways don't take your days for granted for real, anxiety can crush the strongest souls but don't let it keep you down and you miss out on living. Take care and remember you have only one life, merry Christmas you all.

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8 Replies

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  • I hope that you feeling is wrong and you will be here for many more Christmas' to come. Hold on to the peaceful feeling.

  • Armyguy, You did all the right things last night with enjoying your family all around you. And what mom doesn't enjoy a long hug from her son. But the strange feeling you were having doesn't have to be about the end but the beginning of your embracing what is truly important in your life. Knowing this is what life is all about. Not taking life for granted and remembering to live everyday to the fullest whether anxious or not.

    You had an evening that most people never get the chance to share with their family when someone they love is taken unexpectedly. We all live on borrowed time, the objective is to live our lives to the fullest. And should one of us die today, there would be no regrets.

    Merry Christmas Armyguy!

  • Hello ArmyGuy thanks for your service!! Secondly, I think its your anxiety that has that gloomy feeling coming over you. I have been in a real good place sometimes and then tell myself oh things are going too good you must have gone insane and not known it!! Boy do i have stories for days. You will be fine and be around foe a very line time!! Not trying to scare yay with that thought 😃 but seriously you are ok!!! Your buddy, Nicky.

  • I agree with you WhippedCream, because Anxiety certainly gives you that impending doom feeling when nothing at all is going to happen but your mind makes you believe otherwise

  • YES IT DOES😢

  • Maybe your feeling was right, maybe it wasn't, only time will tell.

  • Worse thing to say to someone who has anxiety disorder. Cmon let's keep certain comments to ourselves here. Smh

  • I can relate to your story. I get "that feeling" occasionally and just KNOW it means something bad is going to happen to someone close to me or myself. I too have lost someone shortly after having dreams of what I believe we're sort of a premonition. Since then my life has been like yoirs. A daily struggle for all things "normal." I suffer from anxiety daily like you. I have panic attacks often. I go through times where I'm constantly checking my pulse and BP. Have developed PVCs and gut and back pains that are constant. I can't fall asleep or stay asleep. I have so many physical symptoms that I feel like I'm dying or have a fatal disease most of the time. Been to the doctor a hundred times. I am a single mother which requires 100% of my time and energy. My fears of dying are insane. I fear I'll die in my sleep and my child will find me and be an orphan as his father is the one I lost after the premonition. I've done therapy and anxiety meds. They do help, but they don't repair. The thing I learned is that fear is not a natural emotion. It's man made. We create it and if allowed it can eat you alive. Ieven knowing this I still struggle like you. But it's places like here where we can be free and express ourselves. We can find comfort in not being alone. I have a couple close friends I can vent these feelings too but I know they are sick of hearing it and I don't want to be a burden so I internalize it like you. It's true we don't know what tomorrow may bring. But since it's out of our control we need to just simply live. And it's easier said than done when feeling crippled by anxiety and fear. I believe if you are talking about it and wanting to get better than you are always going in the right direction, which YOU ARE. We analyze every second of our lives and thoughts instead of embracing the experiences. It absolutely just sucks. But we're not alone. Reading your posts brought me comfort today so you can check off you helped someone today. And I bet there are many others who feel the same reading your story when it's 3am and they're sweating and hearts racing and can't sleep. I wish you find peace within yourself and always have the will to live another day. Thank you for your help today. Have a happy new year!

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