I am normally in bed by 8 But it's 1 a.m. and I'm still up, tonight was such a nice night, I'm actually getting soft and was in tears, I had a good Christmas with my family and I had this strange feeling come over me that it's going to be my last, like I know something is wrong with me and there isn't anything I can do about it. I sat watching movies with my mom and sister's and had the kids all there and it felt normal for once, I watched Harry potter, I laughed and joked and played games with the kids, we had a huge dinner, I then went outside because this feeling hit me, that this will be my last Christmas and the last time I had this feeling I was in Iraq and I had a feeling that the holiday we were about to have was going to be the last one as an entire family and my dad died 4 months after Christmas that year. Its a strange feeling like you just know and not anxiety..... I went out side and asked God to Just please give me one more with my family. I don't want it to be over yet. I love them. I am still awake because I don't want it to be over with. I believe something is not right with me and I wont make it to see next years Christmas........ I know you all will say I'm just feeling down but it's not that, I really have this odd feeling like you just know. Its inside and you just can't sense it. I hugged my mom for so long tonight. Anyways don't take your days for granted for real, anxiety can crush the strongest souls but don't let it keep you down and you miss out on living. Take care and remember you have only one life, merry Christmas you all.