Feeling .rude and ignorant

I suffer from anxiety and I feel so awful my husband is brilliant but he has just asked me to invite his mum over for dinner I love her very much but the thought of all the effort is all to much when I'm well it's lovely but I said could we postpone it and he wasn't too happy am I wrong or do others feel somedays things are to hard it makes me feel low. Xxx

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  • Hi Meadow- I feel like that at times. Sometimes when I am feeling well, I book up/arrange lots of different things and then when I start to feel anxious and low again, I panic and feel I've taken on too much. However, sometimes it's good to push yourself a LITTLE bit. The reason for this is that once it's done with, you could well feel pleased with yourself that you made the effort. If you enjoy it, fine. If not, then well done you for doing it anyway and you deserve a pat on the back! Could you not talk to yourself in this way?

    The other thing is your husband. He presumably knows how your anxiety affects you. So why not say to him that you do feel very anxious about it, but could you sit down together and plan it so all the preparation, cleaning and cooking isn't all on you? What could he do to share the work and the load so you don't feel so anxious about it? Make a list - plan what you will eat, keep it simple and make sure there is either food you can make ahead and chill or freeze, or that you can both do together, or that your husband can do?

    I know myself how hard it is because we have to have my MIL over (she was widowed 2 years ago and we try and see her regularly) or go to her. I don't find her easy to get on with as she makes comments about my weight or our house so I get in a state about her coming over! I have to find ways of dealing with it even though I'd rather she wasn't coming at times, esp when I feel low or anxious. But afterwards, even though I feel wrung out at times, I think, well, at least I did it and I know I can cope even if I do feel crap.

    Just another way of looking at it which might help a little!

  • Thankyou so much x

  • I know I need to try harder I am on the middle of changing my antidepts over and I seem to have had a lot of anxiety doing this doc said its normal so I'm not worried but everything is such an effort I seem to spend my day in and out of bed have a shower then I'm tired dry my hair then I tired get dressed then I feel tired so lay down again put dishwasher or washing machine on tired again so lay down again all day my new tabs haven't got full effect yet so maybe it's that I just feel lazy and weak x

  • Hi there meadow. Firstly your not wrong in feeling the way you do so never feel you have to apologise for the way you feel, its an illness, no matter how hard we try if you do not feel up to it then people pushing is not going to make you feel any better. My best advice there would be as hedgecrone said sit down with hubby and explain. Or just be honest and tell him your panic/anxiety is preventing you from wanting this dinner because you feel so strained and tired all the time. If he is prepared to make more of an effort in doing the preparation then you will be happy to invite her so long as they both know your not being ignorant if you have to leave the room to lay down. Question ? does your mother in law know about how you are, if not then it may be an idea to sit down with both her and your husband and tell her, at least then she will understand about your condition and make you feel more at ease. My guess is, there is more of an issue with this with your husband than im sure there would be with your mother in law. The one thing i find best about being able to cope with my condition is to be honest and let people know just how it affects you, then im sure you will not feel half as bad as you do because what we tend to do is hide it all the time and for what do we do this, well because we feel silly about how it affects us, well my dear let me tell you something, who and what is more important in this world when it comes to being ill and feeling so bad, YES you have it you are, your the one who needs not apologise, you just be honest and let people know and im sure it will make you feel a lot better. Good luck and please let mw know how you get on and if anything i have said helped in any way. Take care. Debs

  • hi meadow. yeah i often feel everything is too much trouble,i think its because all our energy & effort goes on just trying to get through the day, on top of that are`nt you in the middle of getting used to new meds? best wishes stay strong.xxx

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