How I'm beating my anxiety

[Mandy26]

Hi Everyone. I haven't been on this site for quite a while. I have been concentrating on feeling good and have been putting a lot of effort into feeling happy with myself and my life. And I am happy to say it has all paid off.

The one thing that has gotten me through my anxiety and depression is 'learning to enjoy life'. My anxiety stemmed from feeling constantly stressed; Stress about getting out of bed in the morning because I knew I wouldn't enjoy work. Stress about going home because I knew how much I had to do, and stress about going to bed because I felt I never got enough sleep. I lost all sense of enjoyment and eventually my body gave up on me and I suffered bouts of attacks.

I made my decision to force myself into finding enjoyment in things again.

Every morning I get up a 6am to walk our dog. I used to hate the fact that I had to do this. I would feel tired and stressed that I was doing this before going to work. But when I thought about it, I love walking our dog, so why was I making this unenjoyable? Now I love waking up and being up before everyone else. It was hard but every morning I would force myself to smile and would just get on with it. Now I get up without any problems.

I hated work. I was overworked, going through a redundancy process, and just wanted to be at home in bed all of the time. Now, I focus on my ahievements and keep myself organised. I take time to enjoy little rituals like my morning coffee, and my half hour scour of the internet on my lunch.

At home, I have everything to enjoy, and I don't understand why my brain programmed itself to hate this time of day. I now come home and look forward to seeing my bf and our dog. I enjoy making tea as I know I am providing for my family. I enjoy my time with my bf on the couch watching TV and talking about our day. And I even enjoy going to bed because I feel like my day has been so fulfilling, I can rest well.

And to top it all off, my boyfriend always comments on how much of a different person I am. Like I am the person he started to date all those years ago, and that makes me feel even better.

It really did prove to me that it is all in my head and it can be beaten. As much as it feels a physical illness, with the pains in the chest, the palpitations and the shakes, it can all be overcome by mental strength and persuasion of yourself.

It's not an overnight fix, and sometimes I sat and thought, I can't believe I am telling myself to fake smile, or, I can't believe I am telling myself to enjoy walking my dog in the pouring rain, whilst everyone else is in bed. But slowly, I didn't need to tell myself anymore, because the enjoyment was happening naturally.

xxxxx

[diaclone480]

inspired, truly. how long did it take you to acheive this, do you keep having to "top up" so to speak. what kind of things did you say to yourself, any mantra of sorts ?

[Mandy26 in reply to diaclone480]

Hi Diaclone, thank you for your comment I've shared so many negatives over the months I wanted to share a positive. It's taken me about 3 months (from point of the anxiety attacks) to feel how I feel now.

I do keep topping up. Every so often I step outside of my situation and I look at what I’ve achieved and the effect it is having on my life and body. I then think about what I want to achieve in the coming weeks. I make a note of things I think about and I take it in stages. I went from getting out of bed, to going out in the garden, to going to the supermarket, until finally I hit my goal and went walking in the Lake District recently, away from any comforts I had built for myself, and it was then I knew I was on the right path

One of the things I say to myself that I find helps the most is ‘Just do it’. I say this to myself every morning and evening. If I have a bill to pay, I will make a note to do it that day and I will ‘Just do it’, then I don’t need to worry about it or think about it anymore. If I think of something I would enjoy, instead of pushing it to the back of my mind, I ‘just do it’. Instead of ignoring the positives that my mind is trying to provide for me, I take hold of them and embrace them. By achieving these little tasks I started to build confidence in myself again.

I also treat myself. I forgot what it felt like to do this. I buy myself books to read, and maybe things for our home. It made me feel like a person again.

I read your first blog and I’m sorry to hear you had such a horrible reaction and bad time after this. I went to my doctor for help with depression and he didn’t listen to me at all and set me up with an appointment to see a cardiologist about my heart (I described the attacks I was having) so I felt the only person that could help me was myself. I didn’t want to be put on a waiting list and treat as a patient or number; I know that our brains and bodies are far too clever for that to be the only option. I just had to persuade myself that I could be the person I used to be. And actually, if my anxiety and depression hadn’t happened, I don’t think my eyes would have been opened so much to the good things that life can bring. Now I am much more thankful for smaller things instead of trying to strive for everything to be perfect. I really think that we can all beat this.

xx

[milo1]

WELL DONE MANDY i want to do so much but i am having long periods of dizzyness did you suffer from that you are a very brave person to turn your life around keep up all the good work and positive thoughts i hope they remain the same forever x

[Mandy26 in reply to milo1]

Hi Milo1, Thank you I did have horrible dizziness intially. I used to feel really sick. I used to make sure I got as much sleep as possible and then I would walk through it, usually taking my dog for walks. I found the more I got out (although it lasted for some weeks) the more it dissapeared, and now I am only dizzy when I am tired

I really hope you get through your dizziness. Don't let it beat you.

xx

[Leta]

Well done! I am trying similar things within my life and it really works

[Mandy26 in reply to Leta]

Hi Leta. That is great I think it is amazing how such simple changes can make big differences. I hope it carries on positively for us both. I thought the anxiety would never dissapear but it's a great feeling to feel 'clean' so to speak.

xx

[Louise8]

Well done !! I think its easy to get caught up in negative things in our life... especially work ! But thinking postively does make things a lot better, also sourrounding yourself with possitive people always works for me!! Ix

[Hidden]

That is brilliant news Mandy. So good to get a positive message on here. I think we can all take away some of this and try and add it to our daily lives to see if it helps. Keep up the good work. Karen

[Missymoo]

Well done Mandy I too am trying to face my fears and get out and about doing the things I used to enjoy. Somedays it is hard and scary but I persevere and almost force myself to complete tasks but every day it is getting a little easier, the meds help as well I think but having a positive mental attitude is also necessary no matter how difficult things may be. I am now, like you getting pleasure from doing typically mundane things that I used to enjoy up until a few months ago, reading, shopping for new things to furnish my new extension and spending time with friends and family, things that used to fill me with dread. I know i still have a way to go and that the meds can only do so much, the rest isup to me and how I approach each day and each challenge I set myself, such as browsing in tescos rather than running round in a state of panic blindly grabbing items that I think may make a meal with my only focus being to get out and get back to the safety of my home.. I am going back to work on a phased return soon and I hope that by doing that I can regain some of myself. Once again well done, I hope things continue to improve for you.xxx

[Paul1975]

Great post Mandy, this is the attitude I need to adopt I think!

[wallflower_fairy]

Hey Mandy,

I'm so glad you've got you're life back on track again ! You're blog was inspiring a put a smile on my face. I can see that sometimes it is just a person's own perception on life and nothing else. Recently I started doing nice things for myself and I started to feel better. Also when I feel down and think of my own achievements it usually perks me up. Putting things off is a very easy habit to slip in to - and not helpful, but easy to get of if you push yourself - I'm glad you got yourself into a good routine.

I go on holiday soon so I am looking forward to that - I will wear my new oufit! (Got it for a bargin so am proud of myself ).

I hope in a few weeks I can where you are now. This thing can be beaten.

Take Care and Best wishes.

wanderingwallflower xx