Desperate for relief from panic/anxiety

I have given up on myself. I think I've tried everything out there and read everything on controlling panic/anxiety yet I wake with FEAR consuming me....why? because I dwell on death and poor health. Is it abnormal? YES! Can I control it? NO! I am fairly in control and comfortable when I go to bed at night. I wake with fear consuming me, fear of morbid thoughts of my death and ill health. Fear I will never be "normal" I am taking away any enjoyment from my own life. I have a supportive husband, who tries to reason with me to no avail. I'm on prescription meds. As for meditation, deep breathing and yoga.....I cannot get there! I feel very alone in this yet I do know so many suffer like I do. I want to wake looking forward to the new day, to laugh and smile, enjoy little things in life, to NOT shake with fear. I want to be in control. I feel like a pathetic failure, which I am. I go back to see my physciatrist next week...the poor man is not a miracle worker! He tries, but I don't think there is any hope. I don't believe I am depressed, just angry and scared ...scared to live, scared to die. Well THAT was a very depressing and pathetic. vent. I will now go and try to keep myself occupied so I don't think as much.....if there is an answer out there I wish someone would share it with me. Thank you for letting me vent.

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19 Replies

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  • Try to relax. The law of mind and implacable what you think you create what you feel you attract what you believe becomes Reality.

  • Thank you for your response.....I will try my best.

  • Hi kama24, I was once the same as you, scared to live, scared to die. With a new day it brings fear of the unknown. What may be coming up today that we may have to handle. Will we be able to handle more stresses when we already feel we've reached our max? You are fortunate to have a supportive husband which should help make you feel so not alone. While on prescription meds, you should be working in therapy or on your own to get to a healing place. The meds alone will not do it. Meditation, deep breathing and yoga are highly approved methods of reducing fears and stress. It must become a part of your life on a daily basis. It is necessary for the well being of your mind and body. Medication alone will not do it. You are right in that the psychiatrist is not a miracle worker. He can only hope to quiet your mind with drugs, the rest must be up to you. You need to start putting your energies from the anger and fear you feel, into reversing your way of thinking. Accepting that this is anxiety. This is what we were given as a life challenge. What made me open my eyes to my life passing me by was a book I read called "The Dash". On our gravestone we all have 2 important dates. The date we were born and the date we died. The dash between those dates were what was really important as to how we lived our lives. I didn't want my "dash" to be meaningless. I wanted it to be filled with the love of this journey called life. My thinking then started turning around and with that the fears and symptoms went down as well. This was my life and I wanted in back. Kama, I hope you use the anger towards the symptoms and the anxiety itself. Take back your power, get back in control and make that "dash" significant. Peace and calm dear.

  • Thank you for sharing your wonderful wisdom. I did attend cognitive behaviour therapy classes that attempt to get you to look at situations in a different way. They did help to a minor extent. I have heard about The Dash....I've done a lot of reading and therapy books. It just seems that my mind is too strong for me to control. Yes, I am afraid to live, and afraid to die.....doesn't leave much else. I often go through a long list of things I have to be greatful for in my life, hoping to change my negative thoughts. It is a fear that has a firm grasp on me even though there were years when I did enjoy life, the panic was still there, but it usually took a trigger point to cause an attack. Now it is constant, and yes taking all pleasure form me. You are so right, I have to find a way to get control over this before it is too late. I guess the only person to help me achieve that is me......I try...I truly do.....I somehow need to get braver.....thank you for taking time to respond.

  • I feel exactly the same as you, lost and stuck in a situation, afraid of everything.. Here if you need a chat xx

  • I am fairly new here, and have no idea how to connect for chat :-(

  • Its nice to know that I am not alone in this? I am afraid of things I have no control over such as my husband getting sick and dying...he is 73 and healthy. I am not able to truly enjoy him as I am so afraid of losing him...anyone else in this place?

  • There is so much in life that is not in our control. Most people just enjoy each day and go with the flow, but we are different! I do not think I could survive without my husband, I think sorrow and grief would do me in. We are in our late 60's. I know people say "you are stronger than you think"...well it is not always true! I am however so happy my hubby of 47 yrs still plays hockey 3x a week, bowls once a week, plays golf in the summer and does part time accounting. He truly loves life, and I'd rather see him like that than the way I face each day. I never dwelled on things like this until I aged....I find each morning I wake with the feeling of anxiety and doom.....trying so hard to talk myself straight!

  • thank you so much for replying. It is truly a sad situation when we are our own worse enemy! Everyone is different, some braver than others, some stronger.....I've had a year plus of this and I think it is wearing me down.

  • I've been dealing with it for years, some bad some good always something. I've recently started to exercise a bit with a walk, it does help to clear my mind on times, we just have to try and not let it get us down x

  • Thank you again for replying.......it is not easy to deal with fear...like a large bucket of ice water has been dumped over your head! As my husband says, take it one day at a time....trouble is there are so many not so great days

  • I feel for you as I do the same thing everyday 24/7! the only thing that makes me feel better is keeping busy but as soon as I relax my mind goes mental, thinking the worst for me and my family. I don't know ehere to go next, i'm unsteady on my feet all day and when standing have to really clinch my feet and lower leg muscles to prevent me from feeling like i'm going to fall over but never do...

  • There are days my legs feel weak and wobbly, yet other days they are ok. I'm so sick of waking up afraid!! I do all I can to take my mind to another place, but it won't go! We are being deprived of our life. I honestly think there are people who can meditate, deep breathe, do yoga, but NO I am not one of them. I have tried....I try the mind tricks, thinking and naming all I have to be thankful for..and I do have a lot compared to many. I get angry at myself for being a coward and a sissy. I worry when I over think...especially that there may be NO cure for this and THIS is what my life is going to end like. Frankly I'm pathetic.

  • Are you in the states? If so I recommend Rogers Memorial. They have centers in various places in the US. Changed my life after decades of suffering with similar symptoms. Grayson has a a book called freedom from ocd. There is a good read inside about health anxiety.

    You mentioned in your post you cannot control it. You are right. You can't and the more you fight it or try to control it the more distressing a toll it takes on you. Part of overcoming this is acceptance. Right now your are highly sensitized to the thoughts of death/illness etc. . These thoughts (and that's all they are) provoke strong emotion. The more you try to stop it the worse it gets. That is why they are called obsessions. Think of it this way, if I say, "Do not think of a pink elephant" -what do you think of? learning to accept the pink elephant- the eventuality and possible horror of death or illness is the key.

    Hope you feel better soon. Tell your psychiatrist you need an exposure and response plan. Wasting your money talking each session is wasting your time and money. Tell him to create an exposure plan for you to desensitize you. Your husband can reason with you and reassure you a thousand times a day but that will change nothing. This is not to be won on rational content. The best Doctor can tell you that you are perfectly healthy. Sure, might feel good for a few minutes, hours, days or weeks. . . But then you are back to square one again. Acceptance is the key. And the anxiety may get worse as it gets better during this journey. That is why it is important you have a counselor/psychiatrist who can develop a gradual hierarchy of exposure therapy that slowly increases the difficulty level of exposure therapy.

    An easy journey into meditation. You do it laying down on the floor or your bed. No crazy poses and such. It is by John Cabot Zinn who is the "granddaddy" of mindfulness for anxiety reducing mediation:

    I do it every night as I lay down to go to sleep and sometimes in the morning if time allows.

  • Hi I am in Canada. Our medical bills are paid for through the gov. here. I certainly agree with you that being told not to think about something is not the ans. Thank you for including the video. I am going to watch and listen to it now. I am at the point where I'd try any suggestion of help. Thanks for replying.

  • Kama24 I feel the exact same way. Seems like it won't go away. It makes me feel so ill and something wrong. I've been to the hospital 4 times and seen a doctor as week for a follow up and they say everything is fine but I feel like it's not. I literally cry every day and night and asking why is this happening to me... you're not alone and hope you feel better soon. I'm here to talk

  • Thank you so much for sharing. I am constantly trying to reason with myself to no avail why my mind dwells on this one depressing issue so much. I KNOW it is not normal. I KNOW I should be able to control it, I KNOW it is hard on my family, and I am sure they know I do NOT want to be like this! Every morning I wake and hope I will be in control.....I know medication is only a bandage, I know there has to be and is a way to get a grip but I can't seem to get at it. I too get so down, I cry and think of what a failure I am....a burden on family.....I want it to stop. I try everything I read about. I had many good years but I am now thinking that age is really what is affecting me....and the morbid thoughts of ill health and my own death.....I should be enjoying every minute of what I do have NOT worrying There is a video on YouTube I want to watch and try to absorb....if it helps in the least bit I will share it. I wish I had just one friend who could really relate.

  • If you are angry then you are moving out of depression. Depression is different than fear and anger. Depression is despair and giving up. It's where you end up when you give up hope. Anger is always a secondary emotion (versus a primary one). Anger is the emotion we use to cover up either fear or pain/hurt. All 3 of those emotions are about control - the need to have control over life and circumstances. The problem is that control is simply an illusion. For instance, you can have a job and make money, but that doesn’t guarantee you will be able to pay all your bills, especially if a crisis comes up.

    Emotions are actually layers that you move through, in a particular order. If you are depressed, then anger is a good thing because it represents moving out of depression. Anger is the emotion that gives us ‘fire’ or passion for making things in life change. Depression has no motivation energy in it; which means life doesn’t get better when we are depressed. Anger gives us enough mmph to change our situation, relationships, work, home, etc.

    When you are ready to let go of anger and control, then you begin to experience either fear or pain (or both). As you allow yourself to begin facing your fear and pain, you begin the walk into freedom.

    It sounds like you are a Calm E-type, which is why panic and fear are such issues for you. Realize that life is a journey; which sounds so cliche, but it really is. The more you simply face each day the more freedom and calm you gain. This is what your E-type seeks to master. Let go of what's happened in the past. Stop worrying about what may happen in the future. Worry is a useless emotion. And you cannot change the past, or control the future. Therefore live your life in the moment. Talk yourself down and focus on the next 30 seconds when you panic. Then you can learn to erase your anxiety, and begin to gain true personal freedom.

    This is why young children tend to be so happy. Because they have not yet begun to worry about things they cannot control. They focus on what’s in front of them right then in the moment. In the moment, there is freedom. But this is a skill that must be mastered, not something that comes naturally to most people. As you master being present and focused, you spread greater calmness to those around you.

    Also, essential oils and flower essences (energy nutrients) both are known to help with emotions and balancing the body. Perhaps your panic is coming from an energetic imbalance or a lack of energy nutrients? A blend of essential oils such as jasmine, sandalwood, neroli, and vetivert could help. There have been several studies that show their effectiveness for sleep and panic. You might want to take a look at these products. They have a formula called Calm which is targeted to help with the symptoms you describe. But take a look at this page if you want, to you see which might work best for you kaliana.com/pages/find-your...

  • Thank you so much for such sage advice! I am actually going to copy, paste and keep much of what you said so I can re read it at times. I fully admit I do live in the past and dwell on things too much and I also get ahead of myself with "what ifs" and get into the future before it has even taken place. I am currently waiting to go for a heart test, and am terrified of both the test, because what if I die during it and what if I do make it through the test BUT something serious does show up and what if surgery or extensive invasive tests are required. I am not enjoying the here and now due to this constant fear. I have to try everything in my power to overcome this, It's been 2 yrs of constant fear and anxiety on a daily basis. Thank you for the link to look at too. I pray I can find strength and get control.

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