WHY TODAY?

I am self-employed after my last job left me burnt out with flu that led to chronic fatigue depression and anxiety. That was a year and a half ago. Thankfully the fatigue went after 6 months, although I still tire easily.

Anyway being self-employed is great as I can control my schedule to some extent or so I thought. I've just taken on a contract with who I thought were my dream clients...but they have been overly demanding and despite me going above the call of duty they have insinuated that it's not enough.

I was meant to speak to them yesterday and it didn't happen so I spent all of Wednesday evening being physically sick with worry, then all through the day. Yesterday afternoon they said they would speak to me this morning...well it's 11:30 and I've heard nothing....this morning has been so difficult and I've been on the verge of tears since I woke up. Just as I think the anxiety is subsiding it feels like another wave comes over me. It's raining outside so I can't go for my usual destress walk (and even then what if they called when I was out). I want to get it out of the way and I wonder weather I should wait until lunchtime and bite the bullet and call them? I mean after all I have to be at their beck and call why can't they be at mine right?

Its just crap that it feels like so much progress has been made in 18 months and then you can feel like you're back at square 1. Anxiety is so cruel.

4 Replies

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  • hi too right i would go ahead and phone them then you will be able to plan the rest of your day dont put it off do it now be positive x

  • Hi Milo, I just had a text saying they were about to go into a meeting and they would 'call me in a bit' - its so silly...but I know that once I've spoken to them and know where I stand I will feel better. I've pretty much decided to stand my ground and say that if I am not able to meet their expectations then perhaps it's best that we don't continue the contract.

  • I'm self-employed too and I take the initiative these days. If someone doesn't call me I call them. It cuts out the anxiety and clears the day instead of hanging around waiting.

    My experience is that at least 50% of people who say they will call on such-and-such a day don't.

  • Usually I don't care so much, if they want to spend forever getting back to me it's their time they are wasting but because I've built this up in my mind I'm just dreading it. I will give it till 2:30 and then I am calling as I am not having this hanging over me this weekend.

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