Hi, I'm new here and joined after careful consideration as to what I should be doing. To keep it short and straightforward, since about January this year I've been getting increasingly 'consumed' by the thought that calamity/disaster is coming to me. Strangely, I have it in mind that 'September is the month', but it could be sooner. Initially, it was just an idea that 'this year isn't going to be a good one' but over the months has progressed to what is now all-the-time worry. Now, logically, I know that this is catastrophizing and that nobody can predict the future and I ask myself what evidence I have to support the dysfunctinal belief (CBT stuff). That's all well and good but does not stop me returning to my dysfunctional belief. It just keeps coming back at me. To make matters worse, I've read that the more you believe it, the more it's likely to happen. So I take extra care to make sure it *doesn't* happen. But even that's getting in the way. When I'm approaching a green traffic light, I'm convinced it'll turn red and I'll have a crash. Needless to say, sometimes I'm right about it turning red, and I have (so far) stopped in time. I tell myself that it was a close shave.
My wife says I should see my doctor. They may then refer me to see a consultant psychiatrist (I have private health cover) - then my employer will find out - then I'll lose my job - and then I'll have to sell my house - pull my children out of private education - everybody'll think I've 'lost it' - and hey presto - calamity comes true.
Now - I'm too scared to do anything as it could precipitate the disaster.
I thought about asking my GP for anti anxiety meds - but that is not a solution - rather a cover-up. What to do?
Some background. Male, 51 years old. Married, two children 6 and 8. Employed full time in the same company for 18 years. Have had anxiety in the past (but nothing like this), only drink moderately at the weekend (only time the anxiety lessens - interestingly - or worryingly), smoke - but otherwise healthy.
Thanks for reading.