Living with anxiety and being positive

Hi, I just recently found this site and thought why didn’t I think of chat rooms sooner!! All the information is very relieving to know that I’m not the only one to think I’m going insane. I have a lot of thoughts going through my head 24 hrs a day, and not all positive. About 3 years ago, an incident triggered anxiety and panic attacks. At that point in my life I though I was at deaths door (bearing in mind I was 21), I couldn’t go out and drink with my friends for fear of bringing on a panic attack and knowing that my friends wouldn’t understand. I have always been a very sociable, fun-loving, easygoing, high achieving person, and to have this enormous, unexplained set back in my life was inconceivable. School was always very high pressured, and I always felt that people close to me expected a lot from me (without realizing it). Over the past 3 years, my anxiety has changed. Firstly, I had quite severe panic attacks, which would bring on very ‘real’ physical symptoms (such as racing heart, dry mouth, tingling sensations in my hand), and the amount of times I self diagnosed myself and went to A&E is ridiculous. But I would sit in my room, in fear and dread, shaking not knowing what was happening to me. The more I have researched and learnt about anxiety disorder and panic attacks, the symptoms have changed. My panic attacks have disappeared, as I have learnt to control these panic sensations. The only time that I still panic is on an airplane. My fear of flying was brought on around the same time, and something that really burdens me. If anyone has any advice for this, I would be grateful) So now I have episodes about 4 days a month, where I feel my anxiety creeping back and my whole state of mind changes. Those 4 days I live in dread, fear of insanity, racing bizarre thoughts, very emotional and irritable. I went to my docs, as I felt like I have not yet combated the disorder and need a little help. I have been undergoing CBT with a 6 session course, and coming to the end of it now, I have to say I’m a little disappointed and upset that it didn’t make a bigger impact. I feel like my therapist has studied anxiety from a text book at uni, but does not fully understand what I’m going through. I really need to be talking to someone who is inspirational and positive about recovery. Health anxiety has been a big factor of the past year, where I panic about every niggle in my body. Headache= brain tumor, racing thoughts = insanity, back pain= spinal cancer, blurred vision= brain tumor. I have to say, my visits to the docs has reduced 100% which has to be a good sign, and I now put odds on everything. If I had to put £100,000 on actually having a brain tumor over a simple headache, then headache wins everytime! So I’m not saying I am anxiety clear, but I am proud of the progress I have made up to date. I have been very lucky to have a very understanding family and boyfriend to talk to when times get rough. So to get over this last hill, I’m planning on doing meditation, I also find the sun helps as well as yoga, moving away from hectic London to calmer Oxford, new job on a graduate scheme (which I still fear that I can cope with), and no alcohol or caffeine. Fingers crossed I get through it and can start enjoying life again!

2 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Hi I wish you good luck clara ,its so hard to deal with noones i mean friends understand what we go through you are getting so well keep going forward you have helped me feel better this morning i will look into doing yoga myself to see if it helps me there has got to be a light at the end of the tunnel ..Paula

  • Wow, after all the blogs and forums i've read over the past 6-7 months about anxiety, THIS is the one that i connect with the most! I can TOTALLY connect with everything you've said.

    I - too - feel like every headache is a "brain tumour", and every pain in my chest is a "heart problem", and every time i get too hot, its some kind of.. crazy illness! It's so stupid to jump to these silly conclusions but that's just what anxiety does when its in full flow. And thinking about these things, and worrying myself, just increases the cycle of mad thoughts going through your head, and anxiety will turn into panic, and panic will turn into an attack and then i'll end up rushing out of where i was - (like work for instance) -, sitting in a room on my own, with my head in my hands, unable to cope this petrifying experience with what's going on in my head, all because.. of.. say.. a little pain in my chest.. or a slight headache.

    Now, if someone was reading this who had never experienced anxiety to this kind of level, then they would be thinking "God, what a drama queen!", but as i have GAD (which my doctor thinks i have), then you'll totally understand how i feel. Therefore, this makes it unbelievably difficult to explain to; family, friends, work colleagues etc etc.

    My doctor has set me up for CBT and i will be starting them in a few weeks i think, so i'm kind of hoping that will help, but as for now.. ANY kind of help towards Anxiety will help.

    Anyway, i feel pretty relieved hearing about someone who experienced(ing) the same symptoms as i am, and i now FULLY know that i'm not infact - "Insane".

    J.

You may also like...