Living with Health Anxiety for the past 16 years and I'm 22 years old.

[Tasha93]

Hi guys,

I've joined this forum recently for two reason. I have had severe health anxiety since i was 6 years old! Yes 6! Hard to believe i know but I sure as hell haven't been able to forget it. It all started when i was at school one day, okay you may all laugh as i do now but i remember sitting on one of those wooden picnic benches alone and two girls came over to me and told me that the 'yellow stuff' on the picnic table which i can only assume is moss that if i touched it i would turn into a frog. Well instead of a normal child either laughing it off or taking it with a pinch of salt i ended up in a full blown panic, crying, feeling hot, couldn't breath because i was so so scared of turning into a frog and that my family wouldn't be able to find me! So that's my first memory. 16 years on a worry about any little headache or red mark/rash on my skin and even chest pains. I'm sure you know the drill of 'oh god this must be a brain tumor not a headache' or 'I'm 100% sure I'm dying of a heart attack from these chest pains' or 'Yep that rash is definitely meningitis or something more serious'. It's ruled my life for many years now and I have days where i can kick the anxiety's ass and go 'you know what, bring it as i will not let you ruin my day' but then i have days where i go into complete panic and nothing anyone says or does, not even doctors can make me feel like I am wrong and it's just a panic attack and i just sit and wait to blackout and die...Awful i know! Anyways, i just want people to know that if they ever need any advise or just someone to listen/talk to if you're recently diagnosed with anxiety or if you've like me suffered for years then i am here to help Also if anyone has any tips of dealing with health anxiety that has helped you deal with it then please feel free to let me know!

[Ldoc1993]

Yes you very much sound like me! Health anxiety rules my life I can't live a normal day to day life without it overruling me! Every pain to me is something fatal, I hate it. It all started when I lost my mother suddenly at 14 but I dealt with it well or as well as I could have at that age but 3/4 years later horrible anxiety appeared totally out of the blew! I had my first & worst panic attack of all time, I literally thought I was dying!! I phoned an ambulance & everything and when I think back now I feel like such an idiot but at the time I truly didn't have a clue what was happening to me. The doctor said it was the trauma from my mum dying & it was basically delayed anxiety because I kind of just got on with life when it happened if that makes sense. Cut a long story short I was anxiety & panic attack free for over 4 years but a few months ago it returned, again totally out of the blew! Here if you need to speak! Hope you're ok! X

[Tasha93 in reply to Ldoc1993]

Hi Ldoc1993, I'm sorry to hear of this and it's return! Its such an awful thing to have to live with. Did you do anything specific to overcome it for so long or did you just take each day as it came? It is mad how you suddenly feel like you're going to die and physically don't know what to do with yourself other than to ask for help then once the worst is over you feel so silly afterwards! I'm always told not to but it's one of those feelings you can't help after such an episode so i can relate to that. I also worry about worrying whereby i mean that i panic about putting too much stress on my heart and causing a heart attack but it's not as simple as saying to yourself 'right i need to keep calm for my hearts sake' so it's just a vicious circle. I think I've only started worrying about this recently because I've had 3 family members suffer with heart attacks over the past 4 years. Thank you very much, I too am here if you ever need a chat! x

[Ldoc1993 in reply to Tasha93]

I was on Sertraline & had cbt which massively helped me! Yeah it's crazy how much anxiety can physically make you feel like crap as well, and like you said it's a vicious circle. You panic about having a panic attack which then brings one one, you can't win lol! My health anxiety just now is focusing on my heart, I worry about every beat, constantly check my pulse, chest pain etc urgh it's horrible! I've convinced myself over the past few days that I have heart problems, I used to smoke but on wednesday half way through the day I just stopped & not bothered with it since because I'm so worried about this 'heart problem'. I can't even go to the doctors because I haven't been out the house in over a month! Are you on any medication or what helps you? X

[Tasha93 in reply to Ldoc1993]

I know the feeling!! I've recently had a fitbit and it tells me my heart rate which i'm forever checking! I worry when i think it's 'too high' but that too high to me might in general be fine! I have been on all sorts over the years but i get to a point where i stop taking them without the doctor telling me to which is obviously me not helping myself. A couple of months ago I went back to the doctors and they prescribed me with Sertraline 50mg to take once daily which i did for around 3 weeks and i then became ill with viral Labrynthritis (inner ear infection) which effects your balance and causes a dizzy sensation to which the doctor advised it could possibly be the tablets but to leave it a week and if it hadn't eased to ween myself off them which i did and i still have the dizziness where they then diagnosed me with the Labrynthritis. So I'm currently not taking anything however I have a phone appt on 22nd August as they couldn't get me seen any earlier. I have been referred for counselling too but i am waiting for the referral now. I have been on Citalopram, Propanolol, Sertraline, Diazepam and some others but i can't remember the names! x

[Ldoc1993 in reply to Tasha93]

I got put back on Sertraline the other day but I got side effects like the dizziness, feeling sick & no appetite etc so I never took it again but I'm going to phone the doctors on Monday to see if I can get put on something else as the side effects make me more anxious and I'm also going to see about cbt again. It's good to know that there's other people out there the same as you that understand what you're going through & you're not alone although you do feel alone x

[Tasha93 in reply to Ldoc1993]

Well i hope the doctor manages to get you sorted soon! it is extremely comforting to know that there are others who feel the same way! Whenever you're panicking no matter what it always feel like you're alone but im hoping by joining this forum whenever im feeling an episode i can just come here and realise i am not alone and there are people to talk to who completely understand what you're going through! There's nothing worse than feeling like you have to explain yourself to someone who doesn't understand or get it! X

[Ldoc1993 in reply to Tasha93]

Thank you 😊 Yeah it definitely does feel like you're alone & like you said there's nothing worse than having to explain yourself to someone that has never experienced it before! That's exactly what I do when I feel panicky or just need reassurance that I'm not the only sufferer, I come on here & it does help me! X

[Tasha93 in reply to Ldoc1993]

Well im glad it helps coming on here! I only joined yesterday and i feel better already! always here lovely! X