Just feel numb

[winternight]

Recent days were quite difficult. As much as that I didn't even want to hide it. I came across something that just numbed my mind, I couldn't believe it when it happened... Since then I am not able to digest it, think about it or talk about it. There are just chills in a corner of my mind. I need answers but maybe I don't want to because they might be too bad to handle. I don't know what's the true and what's fake anymore. I don't know if I know the person closest to me. What if I never did. That will break me. There seems only two possible explanations and both are so bad that I can't dare to try to know. I am trying to suppress it and shut my brain. I came to college after 4 days. Its not the same anymore... I was sitting in the class when this happened out of nowhere and I broke down in the middle of the class, I went to the washroom and couldn't get out after that. A senior helped otherwise this hand didn't stop this time by myself. Everything rushed into the mind with a burst. And i am still under it, because it's really scary. I feel I have noone.

[13cats-lives]

I don’t know if you witnessed something traumatic. A traumatic event that either happens to us, or we witness causes the brain to go into a temporary state of survival. This is your brain’s way of protecting you after the event.

After trauma, when we least expect it, it’s like the brain allows you to react in a safe environment. Although this is very stressful, it’s also a good sign that you are behaving in a normal way given any circumstances leading to it. You need to write down the events in order before you see a professional. That will give them a clearer picture of what has led you to be in their office when you visit. Hopefully you will be offered talking therapy in a safe setting. It could be that you are suffering PTSD without realising it or fully understanding what is happening for you. Get help. Take care of yourself, and good luck xx