HEALTH ANXIETY VISUAL SNOW RINGING EARS. MS. Dementia. 24.

[Johnduggan]

I am so screwed, I dont even know where to start. I am 24, and I have most of this since I was 16 so about 8 years now. So when I was 16 I had ringing ears and visual snow look it up its some sort of rare neurological thing that doctors dont even know about and that you have to live with. When i went to my doctor at this time i had ringing ears, visual snow, constant dizziness if i stop to look at something my vision is always moving, pressure on the back of my head, depersonalization where i feel out of my own body, can feel the pulse in my head and can feel blood flow in the back of my head, I got a MRI scan on my brain and everything was clear and that was it , doctors say maby anxiety ur fine, and i learned i have to live with it, so 8 years later I have all of this still and I just realized how screwed I have been, I had something very bad happen a few months ago and going through a terrible heartbreak constant pain for the last 5 months, and it has brought all this up now but worse, but all of this has always been there its not anxiety its always been there, something is seriously neurologically wrong with me. I feel the last few weeks my cognitive abilities have gone so bad, im only realizing this the last few weeks how bad it is but i think its always been bad i just havent even realized it ! I have no memory, i cant remember anything its like I have dementia, i cant function, I have severe brain fog, i cant think or plan anything. I have no skills, I cant have conversations like normal people im honestly thinking i have autism now aswell ive always been akward and quiet so different than everyone else i just realized how everyone is so good at talking and working things out and normal conversations im just so different im blank, anyways its impossible to function like this, i feel like my speech is getting bad im finding it hard to pronounce words or to use words i cant string a normal sentence together i cant explain anything, i read something i cant tell you what i just read, i cant retain information when someone is talking to me i just say yeah yeah yeah to pretend i know but i dont know what they said if it requires thinking. I literally cant figure out anything if it requires thinking, or if theres two options like if i am doing a shift swap in work where i want a day off and a colleague is off so he will work my shift and il get my day off and then i will work.....(gone blank) a day that i was meant to be off where he was working so that he will get the day off something like its just so hard for me to figure out, mum said other day its hot will i open window, i have to properly think so if its cold does that mean u open or close window if its hot u open or close, obviously if its cold u close it and warm u open it but i have to think about it, im gone completly brain dead at 24 i dont know if its dimensia or what, or all part of visual snow ringing ears, i literally went to emergency in hospital the other week over this because my memory was so bad and i felt out of it parents suggested i should go get checked, they did a CT scan on my brain and said its clear and that it needs investigated my symptoms, i went doctor they asked me does my family have history of MS i said no, but now i am convinced this is what i have, i have an appointment with a neurologist soon and im getting another MRI scan on my brain, i am nervous about this, i cant live like this my life is ruined your brain is everything. Im going to say all my symptoms now, I have ringing ears and visual snow 24/7, room is constantly moving, im used to this, like can only notice it if stay still, so if im standing there still look at something everything has a sway to is constantly, a constant pressure on the back of my head, but i dont even know if pressure is the word to describe it, its like i can feel the blood flow so strongly all in the back of my head, if i just stand up straight with good posture i can feel my head pulsate and blood flow all in the back of my head, i have cognitive issues now, feel like i cant talk properly, explain things, cant plan or think or work anything out, have bad memory cant recall what i did yesterday cant retain information, depersonalization its like im not even there, not a real person, cant experience things normally, they try teach me a new thing in work so many times and i cant even do the first step, i work from home doing calls, im very isolated have no social skills unable to joke with people or when people make joke with me dont know what to say or anything,extremely introverted, no hobbies no interests, i must have depression i feel numb like i feel nothing unless that heartbreak i went through if i think of that its alot of pain, feel so far behind in life now im so screwed dont even think im just being negative its just the reality how do i live normal with all this people dont know how lucky they are this is worst thing ever man , im not done with symptoms, i have bad posture, kyphosis, my hands and feet are constantly cold nearly 24/7, even in warm house or in bed just freezing always doctor says maby just bad blood circulation, i can also feel my heartbeat in my stomach so strongly, doctor says maby anxiety its not anxiety i showed her then its visible and she could see and says maby cus im so skinny, anyways did ultrasound to check for Aorta aneurysm and its clear, I think I have MS as it effects multiple things and i have multiple problems and i am so worried about neurologist finding ms now but how can i live and function with this brain fog, i am having muscle twitches randomy every 5 min or 30min or hour all over my body in random places, my hands and legs shake in certain positions like if im typing and and just freeze my hand when my fingers are close to keybad they are moving so much like tremors,....and i remeber years ago feeling internal tremors like my whole body was vibrating in the inside i havent had that in years thankgod it felt like i had parkinsons, so if im just standing in a grocery store just imagine my pov, visual snow(which is pixilated vision) ringing ears contanst sway of dizziness pressure and pulse on the back of my head and a blank mind absaloutely useless cant do anything, freezing hand and feet bent over posture that i try hide, how am i so screwed, i try go gym its like i cant excerise and thats another part of MS, like i feel weak after a few reps feel like my blood pressure is high or something like a rush to my head its so hard to explain i jsut have to stop working out, i bearly move and the pulse in my stomach is so strong, i got bloods done all clear CT clear i got that mri 8 years ago and all clear but this time im scared its MS and even if its not its like i dont want them to find anything serious but if they find nothing how am i going to function if they cant help just depression meds or something i literally cant function im going to lose my job i cant think or talk to people normally or remember anything, i was living a lie i had an amazing relationship with a girl but now im going through terrible heartbreak and i know im so akward and stuff wont find another but its not even priortiy i ltierally cant do anything everything is so hard, my parents do everything for me ive just realized now there must always been something wrong, when i make food its bland like chicken with nothing on it or basic flavours like just anything that requires even little thinking is to complex its like my brain works at 5%, in a group setting everyone is there talking having fun everyone is so lucky my brain does not work im standing there with the feeling of a blank mind that always like that ringing ears visual snow dizziness all while feeling like im not even there depersonalitation im so robotic i have absaoulty zero personality or words to say about anything im jsut yes or no i dont know what is wrong with me.i have erectlle dysfunction another ms symtpom its like ive no interest to do anything have no thoughts about anything i just want to sleep, im always tired my eyes stinging even tho i sleep enough, so hard to get out of bed, also have phismosis so sex wasnt even enjoyable like how do i have so many rare things its unbelivable , if doing it its like im not even there anyways so i dont think im enjoying it i just dont know my answer to everying is i dont know, i could only keep erection if constantly been stimulated it will go after not being touched for 10 seconds, im scrawny with freezing purple hands and feet, what am i meant to do, i have to talk to customers in my job and its like so hard to function i dont even know what there saying to me i forget what they just said, and when reading out scripts its like im finding it hard to pronounce words and move my mouth, im really going brain dead, ive been ignoring all this for years trying to live with it, i didnt realize how i have no skills or unable to do anything really until the last few months and cognitivie issues but all the others ive always had, its like maby i have ms but now im having a flair up due to hearbreak and its made it all worse, everyone says im quiet and boring its true im literally so blank no personality, i guess i just anxiiously wait for neurologist at the moment to see what i have im scared what MRI brain scan will show this time,,, if u look up visual snow ringing ears for anyone who made it this far u will see what it is and how brain fog is part of all that and no cure like what do i do this is a huge advantage if i had none of this i would be like everyone else man everyones different but how is this not gonna effect every single thing in life, relationships career health everything, i cant function or remeber or work things out or learn things or do things or do anything its like i have proper dementia this is terrible. what kind of future is this, i just want to be healthy, if mri shows nothing i guess they will say its all anxiety which its not as i have all this 24/7 for 8 years or aslong as i can remember, im jealous when i hear other people talk normally string sentences together actually have opinions and stuff im usless, if i have to call someone for example if a company charges me 500 by mistake il prob just say ok like i cant actually fight anything its hard to explain im like insanely innocent and under developed or something im just so screwed its insane, i wish youse could go into my body for 10 seconds to see and feel the symptoms and the pulse pressure blood flow dizziness feeling back of my head thats always there with ringing ears pixilated vision and all of that, brain fog blank mind like it must be amazing to be able to learn things and remember thnigs, im a man 24 and its embarassing i cant fix a tyre i cant fix anything even when doing a food shop when im putting food on the belt im thinking wait am i doing soemthing wrong its hard to explain its like im constantly out of it if im driving il have to proper think after a bout 30 seconds like wait is soemthing wrong am i even in my own car is the handbreak down is my lights on im just so out of it i dont know what im doing im in constant autopilate basically i can only do things that require no thinking, like if its raining and i have the wipers on if it has stopped raining for 30min or i in a underground car park i could still have them on for ages without realizing i cant cook food i was with a frined just looking at the food blank thinking how would i even start my brain just doesnt work atall, and its terrible, is this MS or dementia or a bunch of different things maby heart issues too since so unfit pulse everywhere bad blood cirulation, i am so screwed im never going to be able to function by myself like im 24 now going through worst hearbreak ever i had the best, in 4 years im expected to have my own house together with a girl for years and maby a kid but now its all gone ive to start all over and its impossible for me to start over because of the issues i just mentioned its impossible for me to date or function with someone else if i had my own house i would be completly usess i cant even do laundry or use a washingmachine its like everything is so complex i cant work things out i am beyond screwed. at the moment my life is jsut try get by work without exposing how coginitively messed i am and that i dont know what im doing then just video games at the moment to distract from all the pain, i know im screwed i was going gym but gave it up as feel terrible and weak there, another things i have random pains in arms and legs maby a ms thing, of course when i was in the relationship did amazing things travelled and hung out and stuff but atm its just me at home not going out im only child with amazing parents helping me but i honeslty think im most screwed person in the world with all of this if i had none of this how much better life would be, im just beyond repair and im so robtoic yes no to everything its like im not even a real person , like when people go out for food and want to do things or have preferences for me its just like anything is ok i have no prerferences i have no mind just yes or no , i cant have a conversation i just have a blank mind, like what the hell is wrong with me.i just hope i dont have dimensia or ms, sorry this was so long.

[Dixie9326]

it sounds like hospitalization may be helpful in getting your head straight…. Difficult to believe no Dr has ever recommended that!!! You do have a lot of issues and each one needs to be addressed by a neurologist/Psychiatrist .

Good luck, your parents need to facilitate this for you!!😘

[Johnduggan]

MRI scan was clear what now then i just live with this? Does that mean I don’t have MS atleast? What do I do just live screwed like this still, I can’t do anything I’m ruined