Worst panic attack ever

[Twenty2]

I have finally left my abusive husband after more than 40 years of being shouted at. Today I went to collect some things while he’s at work. While getting my possessions I was terrified he would return so I was rushing. Driving away I could feel myself starting to panic but OMG this was the worst I have ever felt in my life. I found myself pulling over and getting out of the car and lying on the side of the road. I just thought I was going to die and I felt like this was it for me. Several people came to help and called an ambulance, which came quickly. I still felt so so bad but they got me in the ambulance and did lots of tests, like they did when I ended up in an and e with the same symptoms a couple of weeks ago. After about 2 hours I had calmed down enough for someone to bring me to my new home but am I going to keep reliving it, yes I think I will 😭

[BeKind28-]

Hello

Reading your post what I think you should relive is just how brave you have been , how you have been so strong getting out of an abusive relationship because you have realised you are worth so much more than that and well done to you that takes some strength and going back for your things with the fear he might come back is enough to give anyone a panic attack so do not dwell on the fact you had one focus on how far you have come and the new life away from been abused you are now going to make for yourself

It may take a little while to build your confidence back up after 40 years but if you have come this far you will do it and if you need any help you can talk with your Doctor and come on here knowing someone will listen

I think you have been such an inspiration in doing what you have done to others that may be in your situation focus on all the positives write them down and leave the rest behind

I wish you all the best x

[Marysblue]

Reading what you wrote I was amazed at how brave you are. Be ever so glad that you got out of that situation. Many women don't make it out. Congratulate yourself pamper yourself be proud of yourself. You've done what so many couldn't.

[Spurdog1]

Hi twenty3. I must echo marysblu. What courage, what strength, after 40 years. Fair play to you. What a gutsy person. Its a difficult life. Try to think the anxiety was due to him. I think as you set out on your own you'll leave it all behind. I may be right I may be wrong but look at that bright light of freedom.. go get it.

[Jeff1943]

May sound corny but time is the great healer. The trauma of the past is still fresh in your mind, gradually you will come to accept what happened in what is now the past and realise that life lies ahead. You did the right thing in leaving, you showed courage. As time goes by the unhappiness of the past will become diluted with the joy of moving forward.You will not keep reliving the past, you will find the calmness you seek. I wish you well in your new life.

[TegaItaisan]

I am so sorry that you had to live with this for so many years. Those years of his shouting, demeaning and belittling of you, your self-confidence is probably shot. And driving away and the previous weeks episode may have been driven by your fear that when he finds out that you were at the house, then he would come seek you out. This is what I see and feel after reading your post.

It wouldn't hurt to see someone at the licensed level. Also your primary care professional can make a referral too.

Maybe you can speak with your siblings about this, if you have any. At this point you can be an open book and let other offer and give their help.

Please keep distracted from thing about....him. He isn't worth your thoughts right now. You are much more important to yourself than he is. So take care of yourself first...and always.

Reach out to us again if you want to continue to talk.

[MindfulMoment]

and with that, close the book. Sometimes the story ends with a boom. You have survived a terrible, horrible, no good day. You were brave and strong and independent. You saw the good of people to come and help. My heart pours out to you but gosh you are strong. I can’t barely go to Walmart without a panic attack, you survived 40 years of trauma. Hats off to you, you got away. You deserve happiness, peace and calm. May the Lord fill you up over flowing.

[Rachimina]

Hi, I left my abusive husband of 17 years, about 7 years ago. I still struggle with PTSD, Generalized Anxiety, and Panic disorder. I believe it takes time for our system to feel safe after all those years living in flight mode. Grant yourself grace, and companion , to feel how you want to feel over everything as long as you need. Eventually, everything will settle into place. Sending prayers your way.

[Nonnapaula]

Congratulations on being strong enough to leave after so many years! You are so strong it’s amazing! You will no doubt suffer panic attacks for a while (no doubt you are suffering some form of PTSD due to his continuous abusive behaviour) but these are just the after affects of his abuse and will, I’m sure, slowly subside - just give yourself time!

Keep telling yourself you are free now and that you are stronger than he told you you were! Also, there is someone out there that thinks you are a terrific person, man or woman! You don’t need him to justify your life! It just takes time to realise this and stop being scared of everything!

Good luck!

[Springvale23]

Yes well done after 40 years, that’s a wonderful strength you have demonstrated.

5 years ago my emotionally abusive marriage ended. I felt I had lost 25 years of my life and regretted not separating years earlier. I cried every day for weeks, if not months. Even thought of going back as I convinced myself it wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be. Even a bad relationship is still a relationship.

You have been brave and it’s very early days. You need to grieve for the marriage that you hoped it would. Day by day you will gain a new strength and carve out a new life. Life will never be the same again and that’s good. But it takes time to re adjust.

This was my second emotionally abusive marriage. A pattern in my choice of partners. After 40 years I still dream my first husband has come back and I can’t believe I am back in the turmoil again. What a relief to wake up.

I don’t think we ever forget, but we learn to accept a new way of live and rejoice that the wasted years are in the past.