Anxiety Side Effects?

[Mrizzledizzle]

hi guys, I'm new here. I'm not sure how this works but I have a lot of anxiety. Just about anything in life feels just untrue. While I have always suffered from anxiety I am now in a relationship that has tested my mental health with lies and gaslighting that has made me more anxious. While that person is healing as well and doing a lot better by me, there are still things we disagree on and I'm not quite sure if maybe im wrong and my anxiety is just interfering. For example, I am not sure if I possibly do a lot of word vomiting where I just anxiously ramble and over communicate. In the last my boyfriend has gotten extremely angry and would yell very loud when I would try to explain my feelings, ideas or perspectives to him. As long as he felt I was going against him or had an issue he would get angry. Well, I do this thing now that we will be talking about someone else and I will bring his past actions as an example as to why him and that person were wrong. A lot of times I think I do it because I feel the need to repeat myself because since he still has moments where he yells, it makes me feel like he still doesn't fully understand how bad that is. So I take the opportunity to show him and hope it sticks. I have also noticed I do this a lot with things I feel like I never got to say or was understood on during an argument because he would get mad and I would have to drop the conversation. I guess I'm so desperate to know he understands me that it makes me anxious to not get confirmation that he understood me verbally. Today I did it. I brought him up in a conversation about someone else's actions and while I said it kindly and had not intentions of being mean or rubbing it in his face, he felt like I did. He feels like I just love to bring his mistakes up all the time. He thinks I shouldn't do this because it would make anyone feel bad to hear their mistakes. After some time I understood that, but I told him I just like to get verbal confirmation that you understand me and Theres a lot times you don't give it to me cause you're just angry and then we have to move on. I said I'll stop bringing up issues we have resolved and topics you've understood me on but could you just confirm your understanding in the future and just understand that my intentions weren't malicious. I just didn't know you have already understood me. Make sense? Like let me know yeah I understand what you're saying so I can let that topic rest and not feel this anxious need to touch on it. I promise I won't talk about anything else again if you can help me out that way but he continues to tell me I'm wrong, that I shouldn't bring up anything from the past at all because I should just know that he has heard it multiples times and understands it. Regardless of him confirming it, he still had to hear it before so he knows.

Point is: am I wrong ? Am I just having a nasty habit of word vomiting and including him in it cause I'm anxious?

[Christory77]

This was a lot to take in. I would say that communication is definitely something that you both should probably work on. I notice in some of my relationships I can take freedoms and say things I know will elicit a bad response. Sometimes I know better and do it any way in an attempt to one up someone who play their games with them. It’s not exactly productive and I’ve learned to not do that. If arguing with this person is bad for your mental health then the answer would be to find a way to communicate that works. You also have to see this person and accept them where they are. Not everyone processes things the same way. So it’s important to try and further the conversation instead of constantly one upping or trying to win the argument.

[TrashazTrev in reply to Christory77]

Well said!