I no longer know what is anxiety and what is my real problem

[oscarfox49]

I suffered from anxiety most of my life and had long periods addicted to benzodiazepines, breakdowns, and lots of stress, and since 1995 atrial fibrillation. I retired in 2003 and have had a hard working but less stressful lifestyle in France, but two years ago suffered a stroke which has left me overwhelmed with anxiety and depression. My doctor insisted most of my problem must be this so got me on to Fluoxetine/Prozac which I am still taking, and regrettably, Oxazepam, another benzo, which after a year's help, struggle and advice from a great psychiatrist, I am now off completely.

My reason for being here is that I feel ill all the time, which is probably a lot to do with after effects of the stroke which affected my speech and right face and hand/arm, but not for long as I got rapid emergency treatment.

Despite brain scans and various other checks, I find I can do relatively little without physical symptoms of pressure in my head and face, and eye, an acute reaction to any stressful situation at all, such as seeing people, going out, medical appointments etc, and even today found trying to use a motor mower left me in a state of collapse within a couple of minutes. I walk for 45 minutes in the forest every day which is difficult for me with giddy feelings and tightness in the head and eyes, and can potter in the garden but get exhausted very quickly. I also feel nauseous and have a tight band around my stomach from time to time, but mornings are the worst when I feel intensely giddy and weird until I eat my breakfast and force myself to take a ten minute walk.

The problem is that I don't know any more what is just generalised anxiety causing the preponderance of all my symptoms and what is due to the stroke, and what might be some other hidden disease or condition. I have had regular blood tests and various scans, but apart from the permanent atrial fibrillation my GP and neurologist can't seem to tell me what the cause is for my general malaise, which I find difficult to explain.

Does anyone else here suffer in the same kind of way? I think it might be some kind of generalised anxiety about my health after my brush with death two years ago, but I am consciously over that, but every time I am sent for a scan or check up I suffer very badly for days before and find the whole thing an ordeal which leaves me exhausted, even when the results come quickly and have always been negative.

Why does sitting on a mower for five or ten minutes leave me feeling as if I am about to collapse and with my head feeling like it is bursting? Why do I respond to the slightest stress so badly?

I am not expecting any 'diagnosis' of course, as we are all just fellow sufferers, not experts, but does this seem like anxiety to most of you? I already do meditation and relaxation but what else can I try?

[b1b1b1]

It would help you to see a psychiatrist on an ongoing basis for talk therapy, as well as the medication. It is also possible that you need a different SSRI, which you can discuss with him. Sometimes atrial fib. can be stopped with ablation, but I am guessing yours can't be since you have had it so long. I am assuming you do take blood thinners. I know a bit about AF because my husband had it. Do you feel comfortable that you have exhausted all medical options? I would continue to pursue medical options until you feel physical problems have pretty much been ruled out. Then you will have to accept that it is anxiety. I feel that you have not yet accepted that and worry about medical issues, which is understandable after what you have been through.

[oscarfox49 in reply to b1b1b1]

Thanks for the advice. Yes, with permanent AF, ablation is far less likely to succeed, and according to Dr Gupta of York Cardiology, neither does 'successful' ablation actually give you a greater life expectancy than successful rate or rhythm control with medication.

You have the hit the nail on the head, that I cannot work out despite all the professional help what is actual anxiety symptoms which can be so physically real, and what might be some other metabolic or pathological reason. I oscillate every day in believing one thing and then another. But I know I am consumed with anxiety every day too judging from reactions to any bit of stress or complication in life.

[designguy]

Hello Oscar, sounds like you have had quite an ordeal, you don't say if you have also done therapy for you anxiety.

I found that meds helped reduce my anxiety but I still continued to have it. What helped me was learning what anxiety really is and how to be ok with the anxious thoughts and feelings and go on about my day. I realized that what I had been taught with traditional therapy/psychiatry was wrong, that anxiety is really a paradox, the more you resist it the more it persists so the answer is to surrender to it and let it flow through you and learn to no longer fear the anxious thoughts. I found the DARE Anxiety book and youtube videos very helpful and their phone app too. Also, any books and youtube videos by Dr. Claire Weekes are really good, the DARE program builds on her work.

Hope you find some peace.

[oscarfox49 in reply to designguy]

Thanks for the advice on the Dare project. I have a very good psychiatrist/psychologist who has been helping me reduce my dependance on medication and I have watched a lot of things on Youtube but not the ones you mention. Everything is helpful and your point about the paradox of chronic anxiety sounds so true to me.

[Dell12345]

Hi Oscarfox49,

I'm sorry to here you are going through this. It does sound like classic general anxiety, it's really hard to pin down why one feels anxious.

There are lots of other medications that you could try. SNRIs like venlaphaxine often help if SSRIs have not been so successful.

It would be worth speaking to a physiatrist again. The Priory in the UK are very good, I'm sure they could do a remote appointment.

Once your anxiety is treated you may fine that the other problems are less significant, or easier to remedy.

Wishing you all the best x

[Loughborough53]

I understand every word you have spoken as I too, took oxazepam …..but for 20years and have only been off it for 25 weeks and I feel, so ill all of the time. I used to love the drug because it relaxed me where nothing else does. I practice mindfulness and deep breathing but this isn’t enough.

My psychiatrist put me on MIRTAZAPINE but I was in a daily disabled fog. I’ve tried TRAZADONE and they give me so,tiring headaches,

I’ve asked why it is so bad to take oxazepam and they say they are addictive. I feel these antidepressants are too?, also I am 70 years old and it is the onky medication I take. Well, took!

I feel awful , terrible throat and chest tightness and living hell every day …….I’ve no idea what to do . I hope you get help, please let us know how you get on , and any advice all?

[oscarfox49]

Benzos always were bad news and I got hooked when a doctor gave me valium in 1965 for tension headaches, and then insisted on giving me more each time I saw him. He then doubled the dose when the headaches came back worse than ever. That was the start of twenty or thirty years of panic attacks and tension and doctors who gave me stronger and stronger ones and most who said they couldn't be addictive or have any bad effect. It was all 'just me'. I did get off them around the mid 80s, but it was through a self help group and slowly reducing, although now we know withdrawal must be as gradual as it can possibly be and still be expected to have rebound effects. I should have known better than to start taking Oxazepam after the stroke but I would have been happy to take anything at that stage!I must admit since I finally got off the Oxazepam (half tablets, then quarters, then reducing one quarter dose of the four a day..) it was relatively easy when I finally finished the night time dose around six weeks ago Good luck with your withdrawal and congratulations to getting off the things after so long.

Deep breathing and meditation works I find but only for so long as I am doing it. It is the disruption to ordinary life that really affects me and as you say, feeling like death every day, though I have plenty of good times too mainly in the afternoons.

I have been reducing my Fluoxetine/Prozac SSRI since yesterday, down to 10mg a day, so far with no noticeable result (obviously) but I am hoping that once I am without such medications I can see the wood from the trees as to what is actually causing me to feel so sick.

All the very best to you and I hope you continue to make progress.

[Rosepetal60]

Hello oscarfox49, My first thought was: you seem to be over doing things. How about some Pacing. ( I have Chronic fatigue syndrome) I found the pacing hard to do, but feel I am getting a little bit better at it. Some resting some doing. But try not to over do anything . Stop before you think you might be over doing something. I’ve had that tight band you speak of. 🙂It’s odd isn’t it. I’ve never made the connection with anxiety. I read somewhere on HU that anxiety can follow one from childhood. That seems to fit with me. You sound as though you are doing well, being positive & getting where you want to be. One day at a time. Best wishes

[oscarfox49]

Thanks for your comment. I think you are probably spot on about 'pacing' as I tend to be compulsive and I cannot settle down to just rest for very long, having to fulfill my daily targets of walks, gardening etc etc even when I feel very unwell. But this is partly a reaction to spending almost a year doing almost nothing other than reading after the stroke until I was in such bad condition I had to force myself back to an increasing routine of exercise and activity. Your advice is very good. Thanks.

[Kacyjones]

I cannot contribute much, but instantly recognise what you are feeling.As you have had professional help I am sure you have been advised as to what to do.

You mention youtube, and there is a mountain of stuff out there, the trick is finding something that you can relate to , be comfortable with and believe. You know instinctively it is right. There are so many videos that I stop after a few minutes. Came across a very old clip yesterday and it resonated with me, it's all old stuff, nothing new, just the way it was presented!

Cheers K.

[oscarfox49 in reply to Kacyjones]

Thanks for your reply. Part of the problem is the contradictory advice you get from various medical practitioners and I am seeing a psychiatrist/psychologist who tries to find ways of helping me cope with my symptoms while my GP tries to shove pills down my throat and basically says the more the better. It is interesting that I have started to reduce Fluoxetine and after about ten days I am actually feeling significantly better... these are early days of course. I spend half my life looking at things on Youtube on such medical things some amazingly helpful, some quite ill informed and probably misleading. Thankfully I seem to have moved into a calmer more balanced period though the hot weather doesn't help! Best wishes,