I know it sounds crazy and surreal, but did you ever have the feeling of actually being afraid of your own consciousness (awareness)? Like you suddenly realize you are stuck in your body and just the fact that you are existing gives you intense panic-like anxiety. It's like you became aware of your own awareness, you freak out, and then the mind wants to escape from reality because being conscious is "overwhelming" for some reason.
It is such a weird feeling, it drives me crazy and it has turned into a 24/7 obsession. My mind is fixated on it now. And I am not suicidal at all, which makes it even more confusing.
I had this feeling before as well from time to time and it was triggered by a panic attack I believe. But now, all of a sudden, I am stuck in this "autoloop" where I have this hyper-awareness feeling all the time and I constantly dread my own existence. I always feel like I will have a panic attack (and often I do end up having one) because of this as well (especially in the morning). The feeling produces intense anxiety. The fact that I am conscious suddenly feels weird and overwhelming for some reason now.
I've been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder but I didn't start the treatment yet. I just don't know what to do, I'm afraid I will be stuck in this mindset forever. It is so hopeless
Any advice would be grateful. I really feel like I lost my mind and I will never return to normal.