Why does it always feel like I'm being tortured? Anxiety is there to protect you, but feels more like it's slowly torturing you. It's all the time. It never takes a day off. What does it want?
Sometimes I find myself talking to it. Asking why and what does it want. Does it want my life? I offer it freely because I haven't been really living. If it wants my life it can have it. I just would like for it to stop torturing me.
I can't sit or lie still because of it. Watching a simple movie is a chore. Falling a sleep is a task and making it through the day is a job. I wish I could understand why it's so hard. Someone somewhere has to have figured it out. The solution.
I've done all the accepting I can possibly do. All the being in the moment when I have a panic attack. Trying to live and go about my business while feeling like crap and still nothing ever subsides. Feels like it only adapts to my habits. Like it gets smarter and finds ways around my coping methods.
Is it crazy to have thoughts about losing my memory in order to forget I have anxiety all together? To start with a clean slate with no recollection of who I was in the past? I wish this sometimes.
Anyways. This is just me venting my thoughts like I always do on here from time to time.
Hey anxiety. If you're here to protect me then why does it feel more like you're hurting me instead?
🙏
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Dnel82
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What you say resonates with me so much! I literally feel your every word!
There must be an operation to clip that nerve in your brain, I’d give up my house for it. Would I be prepared to forget everything I’ve learnt, start again, even learning to read & write... I think I would. This is life, but this isn’t living, and if this is how my life will be forever, I don’t want to be in it. In the same breath I tell myself this is ridiculous, there must be a way out, I’d never end my life, but someone somewhere must be able to cure me.... never lose hope 💕
Ahhh I feel your pain Jimmyluke55! Let’s hope there’s light at the end of that tunnel for all of us... I can’t continue hiding this secret from work & loved ones, so I’m hoping when I find the courage to tell people, life will get a little easier. Just need to find the courage first! 🤣
Living with anxiety certainly can suck. Especially when you don't know why you're anxious. I wish I had some type of phobia so I could at least identify my trigger(s), but I don't. I have GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), OCD (Obessive compulsive Disorder) and Adjustment Disorder. I take meds, but I've had to change those a number of times as they come with their own problems.
All I can do is manage it. I've tried everything I can to cure it, but that didn't work. For me. What does help me is knowing anxiety is finite (like everything else) and will eventually play itself out. I don't let it run my life and it sounds like you don't either. I go to work feeling like crap, but eventually I don't. I get involved in a project and the anxiety is gone. It's with me in the morning, but I put on some music and it goes away. It's not always there. It was tough, at first, for me to pay attention to when it was gone. But, in time, I learned to find those times and appreciate them. I'm anxious going to the store, but I go anyways and shop. Eventually I caught up in shopping and the anxiety isn't there. For me.
There are all sorts of techniques I'm sure you've tried so I won't bore you with those. I will recommend my favorite book on anxiety: Dr. Claire Weekes book 'Hope and Help for Your Nerves.'
Hi Dnel82, I use to be like you in that I talked out loud to this Entity called Anxiety.
My anxiety never took a day off either. I would yell at the feeling "What do you want from me?" "This is my life and I will not give it to you" I don't know if I'd call Anxiety smart but
more like conniving. Just when we get over one hurtle, it throws another one at us.
We cannot fight the anxious feelings. We can get angry with it, we can accept it for what
it is and that's a lie from our subconscious mind. Once Anxiety takes control of us, it takes
finding methods/tools to work with each and every day. This is the only way to build up
our stamina and forces to conquer anxiety once and for all.
You see, Anxiety has become a habit. We go to sleep and wake up, knowing that it will
attached to us and we may feel there is nothing we can do.
It's a matter of finding the right tool that you can practice so that once the panic attack
starts, you will be able to stop it from progressing. Think if down, Breathe it down and
know that it will get bored after a while and just stop coming around.
Read all you can about Anxiety and the Mind/Body Connection. Practice Meditation each and every day (morning, afternoon and evening) 3-5 min is all that is needed. You CANNOT
wait until you are in the throws of panic, it's too late then and you will have to see it through.
Prevening or stopping it from escalating all together is the answer which will get easier and
easier until you no longer fear it. My best to you always xx
Totally agree feel so I’ll every day with it it’s killing me love feel exhausted weak heavy legs fed up aching legs and arms just don’t get a minute when it’s not there xxx
Thank you for sharing how you feel with us. I'm so sorry you are feeling so anxious. Have you thought about talking with your primary physician about how you've been feeling? Generally that's the first step when trying to manage anxiety. If not, you could seek a counselor that might help you and be available for you. We are here for you anytime you need it. Please feel free to vent. You deserve to live a life that you want, not to be dismayed by anxiety. If you've tried antianxiety meds before and they didn't work, don't give up. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right combination for you. Hang in there, we care about you!!!
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xx
Feeling like I'm in a falling elevator and head feels spaced out all the time for four years
Weird feeling
Feeling uneasy 
Feeling wobbly
Vulnerable and weak feeling
