Would you or wouldn't you that's the question? I've been thinking of asking my mother some questions about my younger days if she can remember being as she has dementia , I need to know why she did things like trying to gas herself every time it was time for me to come from school, I was 10 and I shouldn't of witnessed things like this , my dad used to stand by the side of my bed with white sheet over his head everynight ,I can't ask him questions he commented suicide a day before my 16th Birthday, I have nightmares about what happened, I have to live with things daily I'm now 62 and I need answers.
What would you do ?
Written by
Littlecook
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I would ask my Mother as long as I prepared myself for the possibility of her not answering me or saying anything hurtful. Do you have a therapist to get support from if anything negative happens? I would definitely try before her dementia progresses, if there is even a chance now.
I'm so sorry you had those dreadful experiences. Too much for anyone, let alone a child. I'm sure you want answers but not sure you'll be able to get them. Not only because of her dementia but because she may have blotted them from memory as a way of coping with her troubled mind. I know this doesn't help you but neither would getting nothing from your mum either Have you participated in any 'talking therapy' with an expert? They could probably make more sense of it for you and, definitely, give you some strategies to cope with it. Good luck.
I would respectfully recommend refraining from speaking to your mother even if she did not have dementia but especially because she does. I have learned that I don't need to know the reasons why people do things or the reasons why they think they did things.
Obviously somebody who behaves that way is mentally and emotionally ill. Do you really need to know anything more than that? Would it even be possible to know anything more than that? Does she herself or did she ever know anything more than that?
I understand that you have post trauma issues and it's very difficult but there are ways to get through it without the other person being involved in the process.
If it was me I wouldn't go there with your mum I would go and get some professional help What you went through was so horrific and no child should be seeing things like that
I suffered verbal abuse from my mother from my earliest memories until the day she died Her last words to me were so cruel
It's why I have suffered from anxiety all my life as she made me feel so worthless
I have been to see counsellors and talked and talked and it has helped me so much
I know your memories are different and much worse than I ever went through but now she has dementia it's going to be hard to ever get to know why
You need to find peace and happiness now and enjoy life
Talk talk and talk to someone kind and empathetic who can help you process what happened
I too had an extremely difficult childhood and as an only child I found not having siblings to share my troubles with was really tough...I usually felt completely alone with my suffering...this led me on a downward spiral for along time making one bad decision after another just to get away from my unhappy childhood. Its taken me a very long time to accept my past and realise I can't change any of it...I understand now that my parents were obviously dealing with issues perhaps from they're own bad experiences and as a result they couldn't provide me with a normal loving childhood because they just didn't know any better. My parents are both deceased now...I was left with so many unanswered questions so I made the decision to just let go....it took time but eventually I learned to leave it where it belonged....in the past with all the other memories that I cannot change...letting go didn't mean I could forgive them...it just meant I could live without allowing the hurt to intrude on my future...letting go is liberating...it makes me feel strong and wise and its given me a great understanding of others feelings...we don't always need an explanation or answers to "why" sometimes we just need to leave it and use our understanding to help others and strive to give ourselves the self love we all deserve x
Hello Harbibo58I'm pleased to meet you ,I'm the youngest of the family, I have 2 older brothers that don't have much to do with me we only talk on been to bassis mostly anything to do with my mom .
I was only young when things with my mom and dad started ,but it's my mom that gives me the nightmares seeing her trying to gas herself in the oven or switching the gas fire on without it being lit , I was 10 when all this was happening every time I come from school I couldn't get into the house, I called my mom through the letter box and looked that's when I saw my mom gassing her self .cut a long story short I went backwards at 10 I couldn't read or write my name .
I don't want to say to much because it breaks my heart 💔 . But hopefully you can put 2 and 2 together to get the picture.
Hi childhood trauma is a terrible thing....you've obviously experienced alot as a child and it's not easy to cope. Have you ever spoken to a professional about it? sometimes that helps alot of people in managing hurtful memories...it's not for everyone but it's certainly worth a try. I don't mind if you want to private message me...it's good to talk 😊
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Have you participated in any 'talking therapy' with an expert? They could probably make more sense of it for you and, definitely, give you some strategies to cope with it. Good luck.
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