Every day starts the same. I feel anxious of death, disconnected from life and I just feel hopeless. I cry every day. I've just started a new meds. Wellbutrin . I take this along with escitalopram that I've been on since March, because the doctor thinks i'm depressed. I have no enjoyment in life and just feel like I want it to end. I want to run away, but I can't run from myself. I feel like I'm bringing people down around me, and I know I'm worrying my aging parents and my husband who is a rock has to listen to me cry every day. I'm having CBT but I don't feel like it works. I can't get a grip with how life should feel and there's a certain amount of loss of self so it's hard to use the tools they give me, or hard to apply it or something. I feel lost in existence and hopeless. I can't find the person I used to be and that makes me so so sad. I have a trip booked for next week, but I don't want to go. It all seems such a waste of time. Life seems so pointless. We live, we die. Why bother? I know that I loved life before, and I have friends and family who love me and somewhere I can remember that they love me and me them, but because I can't feel it, it just feels like even that isn't reason enough to exist. I have suffered from dp/dr and existential thoughts and now inner tension all the time. Sometimes writing here helps.