Should you try to keep alive a friendship if it seems to be dying? Or just let it go?

[DemureRose]

It took me six months at college to make a single friend. And many things made me think this friendship was meant to be.

We randomly partnered up for an assignment first day of class and communicated casually through email about the assignment before finally getting contact. Since then we've talked almost daily and I have learned things that have made me feel like this friendship was fate.

We have very similar interests and very similar personalities. To an almost creepy level considering us meeting was completely random. I mean what are the chances?

The only thing that's hard for me is he isn't much of an initiator, and he was honest to me about that right from the start. Told me not to take it personal, that's just who he is.

And these past few days we've been barely talking. I confronted him about it and he just said that it's typical for him to not talk to his friends for weeks at a time and again, don't take it personal. The problem is, if I knew for certain we were as close of friends as I have been thinking until now, I wouldn't have a problem.

I'm just so insecure in this friendship, so him being standoffish is hard for me to not take personal. And with only five weeks of class left, I'm worried that once this semester ends that's it. I don't want it to be it.

It has been a very long time since I "connected" with someone this much and I don't know when it'll happen again. It sends me into a panic thinking that once this semester ends I'll never hear from him again.

But I can't really ask him straight up about our friendship because neither of us are into the whole touchy feely stuff. And I worry that acting needy or whatever will make him think I'm too much work. I don't want that.

So does anyone have any advice on how or if I should keep this friendship going or at least find out if this friendship is solid in a more subtle way?

[Damian]

He might be struggling with something that you don't know about. Sometimes I find a friend will be uncommunicative for a while, and I worry that I've upset them or they don't want to be friends any more. Later I find out that it's actually nothing to do with me or our friendship, but they've been struggling with something on their own. (If they'd told me I would have tried to help, of course, but sometimes people who are going through difficulties prefer to deal with it on their own.)

You've now got a difficult balancing act... You want him to know that you still value the friendship, but he might also need a bit of space to deal with whatever is bothering him.

[froggymom88]

Friendships develop over time and six months is not a very long time. If he says that that not talking for a couple of weeks at a time is normal for him, then I would believe him. You can only do your part by keeping up the relationship by calling and initiating activities but give him his space. You will discover if the relationship is good for you.

[Marshall64]

If the guy told you up front that he sometimes goes awhile without communicating, then you shouldn't take it personal. Guys are different anyway in that regard. That is how it is between me and my friends. Women tend to to talk much more often to each other. He also might have depression, stress from school, or shyness.

IMHO, you should say something because of you don't and it fades off, you might be kicking yourself later. Maybe make it sound like you are spontaneous with what you are going to say. You could joke about it. Just say something that indicates you hope you will still stay in contact after the semester. That is not too touchy feely. As a guy I would love for a female to say that to me. It shows that you are interested in a longer term friendship.

Have you guys ever gone out to get something to eat or anything like that?

[DemureRose in reply to Marshall64]

Sort of...I was home alone for a couple of days while the rest of my household was on vacation, and when I mentioned I had no food and didn’t want to go pay for take out, he took me to a nearby diner that takes student meal points (which he has but I don’t). Don’t know if that counts lol.

[Marshall64 in reply to DemureRose]

It does. I was just wondering if the two of you did anything outside of studying. That was nice of him.

As you take more classes you'll be meeting more people too so don't get discouraged on that front. I had a hard time at first making friends in college and all my friends and future ex-wife came later. As with this friend, it comes when you are not expecting it.

[Hidden]

Perhaps he senses your insecurity and is put off by it. Maybe stop taking the initiative and play it cool for a while. If he’s interested, he will contact you. If he’s not, well c’est la vie. Don’t undervalue yourself. Work on your self confidence, radiate enthusiasm and you will be irresistible! 🙂