Don't know if I can do it.

[suriael]

Hey guys, I've been a shut in for the best part of 4 years all to avoid panic and anxiety.. only leaving the house if with someone I trust and usually pretty short trips that leave me exhausted , unfortunately I sometimes make promises of doing certain things and when it comes to doing them they seem beyond overwhelming and I usually cancel. I promised my step mum and dad that I would join them on a boat for a week sailing around parts of the coast which also requires a flight to get to.. now that I write it down I realise how stupid of a promise it was.. either way that's happening in 2 days, it's 4 am right now and I've just convinced myself that I am going to tell them that it's impossible and I won't be joining them.. my fear is that such a big leap will push me into such high stress and panic attacks that I will either traumatise myself further or be a risk to myself and others. I've never done that before but I've also never been in a situation where I couldn't go back.. I know its a long piece and I doubt I'll find the right answer in time but if anyone has experience with taking the biggest leap that they dreaded with some serious fear please let me know.

[icer]

It's definitely a big leap, and a hard decision. I've been thinking the same thing about a camping trip I'm supposed to go on. Its never a bad idea to cancel and tell them the truth. But If you want to go, I'd say train yourself up. Like go out by yourself and have a day out to get used to the outside world. Then it'll make it easier to go out. And if you do go, just know you'll be around safe people in a safe environment. I hope this helps

[suriael in reply to icer]

Of course it helps, just knowing someone reads and understands helps always. I appreciate that. Your advice is sound and I just wish I spent my time better and did train myself before this. But I can't change the past, alot of introspection in the next 24 hours before I reach the final conclusion. I don't want to squander these once in a life time moments.

Thanks again friend.

[icer in reply to suriael]

I feel you. I hope everything goes ok. One of the best quoted I heard about dealing with anxiety is "to go out and practice" meaning to face your fears little by little, whether its social or personal anxiety. Thats the mindset I have, and its slowly working. Be well.

[Agora1]

suriael, I hear the fear in your post. I will agree that it is a big step to take. Anxiety is provoked by knowing we don't have a way out. And yet, there comes a time that we need to take that step forward in faith. After all you won't be alone, family is there with you. It may

prove to be best experience in your life until now.

Your mind set plays a big part in how this trip will go. Right now you are in anticipatory anxiety which happens to many. Once we get past that and the trip is in sight, with proper breathing and methods brought with you on the plane and boat, you may just be able to pull this off.

Be prepared. Listen to relaxing meditation on the plane. I think once you are on the boat,

the water, the waves and the beauty of the sky can be your relaxing focus point. Whatever you decide, I am behind you. As you can see, your world has been getting smaller and smaller by giving into anxiety. Maybe it's time to spread your wings and fly, only you can make the decision. Wish you well my friend. xx

[suriael in reply to Agora1]

Thanks for the great reply, deep down I know I'm looking to be told that this is the big leap, the big moment that I have to push through. Your words are exactly what I need to hear, it comforts me to think that it's a pivotal moment that will end in growth and progression. All my doubts are real, there will be panic and anxiety at stages I am sure but I think how much anxiety and how bad is just unforeseeable and it scares me. Taking this journey almost feels like walking into into a storm knowing you will lose your way back but hoping there's shelter ahead.Again thank you, I appreciate it alot.

[Fearoffear in reply to suriael]

Agora is absolutely right you can do this. I went on a 6 hour flight with 2 special needs kids and an 18 month old and was afraid I would try to claw my way out of the plane with a panic attack. After 6 month before that a 4 hour trip with the same but the 18 month old was 12 months old. We got to go to Disney Florida and California one for each of my boys. Anyway sorry memory trip for a second. Please pack yourself a stay sane carry-on. Put magazine, pictures, colored pencils, coloring book or activity book. You can put a little something sprayed with a scent that calms you in it so you can smell it. A fidget spinner or any comfort item you can easily carry. Remember you have to carry it. You can do this you are a warrior!!! Gentle hugs bring back pictures for us!!!!

[suriael in reply to Fearoffear]

Thanks for your insight, I have considered getting some cross words and things to play with.. I do get fidgety and either twist my beard or pull on my ear lobes constantly when I'm under stress lol.. thanks again

[Cicinoodle]

It's your choice to live in fear. If you like it then keep doing what you are doing. If you hate it then make the decision to be strong and fight for your right to a happy life! There is nothing to fear, but fear itself!

[suriael in reply to Cicinoodle]

I don't know if I would say its my choice, I am not here because I enjoy it. physically my body abuses a fear response causing me to feel all kinds of things.. it isn't a choice to feel discomfort its just a fact and discomfort is just not something you can always will away quickly.. but yeah ultimately strength and will power decide whether I overcome and re train myself. However it is my choice wether I take these big steps and I will do it. Thanks

[Cicinoodle in reply to suriael]

Look that old anxiety monster in the face, and fight it like there is no tomorrow. You deserve a peaceful happy life

you can do it Suriael. you are strong! One small step at a time, until you are healed xo

[suriael in reply to Cicinoodle]

Appreciate it friend

[2islandboy]

I'd like to highlight two quotes from all the above postings:

"Taking this journey almost feels like walking into a storm knowing you will lose your way back but hoping there's shelter ahead."

"However it is my choice whether I take these big steps and I will do it."

YOU wrote both of these! You have the vision, ability and strength to make this trip. Take it in little steps, like in AA, don't agonize about the whole trip, just take each little step as it comes along. The times that I have been frozen with anxiety in public, it seems that there is always some stranger who comes to my aid. REALLY ALWAYS.

By the way, I am terrified of heights. See the picture of the guy working on top of the lighthouse, next to my login name? That's me - 20 years of daily facing my fear working on lighthouses. How do I do it, I always wear two safety harnesses and even though my hands are shaking I go over the edge knowing, to paraphrase you "if I lose my way back, there's shelter ahead".

In the military, I made my first static-line jump out of a helicopter, with 22 other soldier trainees. When the jumpmaster came to check my parachute and reserve, he asked if I was scared. I just showed him my hands, which were shaking violently. He grabbed my hands and said, "good to be scared". I jumped and had one of the most wonderful experiences of my entire life.

Have a great trip. Reach out to all of us, as you travel. Be afraid AND go forward. Enjoy your new life.

[suriael in reply to 2islandboy]

Appreciate it man, truthfully reading what people write as well as my own responses help me break things down.. something about writing it down and knowing I'm in the place where it's normal to talk about helps. You've done awesome, I worked high rise and industrial roofs for a few years before all this started and know how scary some jobs are, it's an inspiration that you've spent so long fighting your fear and somewhat surprising that it's still your choice of work haha

I appreciate your insight and your wisdom in these crazy situations.. I'll definitely be making a post or two on my journey, to find other like minded people who wonder if they can do this and maybe inspire them would be awesome too.. thank you friend, be safe

[Hidden]

Its so hard buddy i feel like i cant breath and im constantly petrefied i feel ditached bit if you push yourself to go it might take your mind off it all are u on any meds at all x

[suriael in reply to Hidden]

I'm sorry about your struggle, I know disassociation or detachment too well. even in the comfort of home with family sometimes I'm going weeks feeling completely detached and just afraid.. but for now ive had alot of medical tests that show me in fine health and Im a bit clearer of mind and using this to push myself a bit. Unfortunately I went through withdrawal syndrome from escitalopram when I was about 20 and have been avoiding any ssri type medication since. I do have some prescription xanax that I have small amounts of in a serious situation but that's about it.. thanks for your words

[Hidden in reply to suriael]

No problem ur not alone i hope you make the right decision and that those involved will understand x

[2islandboy in reply to suriael]

"now ive had alot of medical tests that show me in fine health and Im a bit clearer of mind and using this to push myself a bit"

[jmmasters]

Build a relationship with God and trust in Him and I promise you and I mean I promise you, ALL of your fears, anxiety, and stress will go away. There are so many inspirational prayer videos that help can relieve your stress and help rewire your brain to relax and trust in the Lord. He helped my husband get through the darkest time of his life and he is living proof that God hears our cries, worries, and pain and He helps us. Through him all things are possible. I pray you find the strength to defeat the anxiety and panic attacks. In God’s name I pray. Amen 🙏🏼

[Claire51]

I was a virtual shut in for 30 years , after having a long rewarding career and promotions, showing 2 horses, and all the day to day feeding cleaning of them , plus being left to bring my son up alone. I have made improvement now but still only able to get out and staying close to where i live to feel safe, I even missed my Sons wedding , i will never have that time back, i try not to get weighed down by regret after all we are dealing with Anxiety which is hard enough and makes us feel guilty as it is. Make a choice and commit to it, if you plan in joining them see if you can get some medication like Xanax for the flight to relax you, and help you should you need it whilst Sailing , probably be just fine once you join family , But broach you problems with them either way , so they understand more about your anxiety and panic disorder, as there will be other times you will need to make excuses or cause yourself needless distress in the future. it is a shame it is so close to you trip as you could have arranged some CBT prior too trip. As for me i would never get on a plane or a sailing boat but that is just me. I wish you all the very best in what you decide to do., better to have tried and failed, but by same token this can cause more harm to yourself too finding yourself in a worse position before you tried. Only you know yourself best , do what works for you , good luck with whatever you decide x

[suriael in reply to Claire51]

I'm sorry you've had to deal with this so long and I'm glad youre improving, even if slightly. I am just spending my first night at the destination as I write this after a long day of traffic, boarding and bussing to this spot. It was very intense and I don't think my heart or breathing was calm for the whole day, and constant moments of panic that I had to push through.. I was so scared I had plastic bags in my pockets incase I was going to be sick >.> Once I arrived it hit me all at once and I'm just on the back end of a huge migraine.

going from believing that I would pass out or collapse from panic just if I spent too long with my family in the local shopping centre to flying across the country puts a few things into perspective.. but it's not over yet. Thanks for the advice and If you want to talk I'm all ears 👍

[2islandboy in reply to suriael]

Man, you did it! So proud of your courage and the new, free, YOU. You give me the strength to push through my own anxieties. Thank you Suriael. Keep us posted, we are all with you on this fantastic trip!

[Claire51 in reply to suriael]

Very well done Suriael , so pleased you made it, often it is the anticipatory Anxiety that freezes us, i am so very pleased you pushed through , enjoy and thank you for offer of support .

[Clurmac]

I have suffered all my life in and off so know how you feel. I have been walking down to board a plane all the time thinking this is my last chance to turn back. But I’ve always got on as what lies at the end of it is always worth it. You probably have a coping mechanism that you use in every fat life. Call on that if you start getting anxious. You will be absolutely fine and just think how proud of yourself you will feel when you get to the other side. Good luck I hope you make it x bet I now fly to Oz every couple of years

[suriael in reply to Clurmac]

Well I'm on the other side and you're right I am proud of myself.. alot more holiday to go though and still plenty of hurdles with the anxiety but to conquer the first and possibly biggest one has gotten the ball rolling. Thanks for your words mate ✌

[Clurmac in reply to suriael]

Amazing well done you 😊