Venting / Health Anxiety

[hippieebbbz09]

Hi!

I made a promise to go forward and seek treatment for Health Anxiety.

I have finally sought out that THIS is the culprit for most of my issues. I’ve had so many family members w/ health conditions and NOT taking care of themselves and they are no longer here - they had these conditions at a much older age , too. But, watching elders go through that, was rough at a young age for me.

Since the most recent transition of an elder , I moved in with my partner and have been wanting to be calmer , and find tactics that will help me overall, to overcome it all.

So. My current situation. Well, I work remote , thankfully, so I’m always at my house . But, I begin the day with supplements , water , sometimes chamomile tea , but on the days I forget ...it’s something else . Well, I’ve adopted new habits , and they go into the category of body scanning .... it has somewhat consumed me. I had a turning point , that I’ll share later.

My habits are , checking my pulse on the oximeter and then , I had recently found a wrist BP monitor. So, before then , it was me and the oximeter. I checked it ALL the time , partially because of what’s going on now . Then, I find my mom’s old wrist BP monitor - she never really used it and now I see why. So, I’m taking my BP periodically but notice how small the cuff is, which was VERY uncomfortable. So, I went through a period of time where , the machine would have to take a reading again or said ERR , because I didn’t have it on properly .

The breaking point - I was ALREADY nervous prior to this particular reading , I took it in the morning and had come down from a panic episode ( as you know feelings of anxiety still linger , takes us a while to calm down) ....I STILL took it , when I should’ve tossed it. It’s low on battery , and I was certain that it was malfunctioning. Ok, so I took the test , and the cuff was small, which caused discomfort and brought back more panic which led to a reading that had me crying all day. I find a BP monitor with a better cuff and adjust it properly and it’s been the same reading I’ve had on file from my dr, which is pretty much normal , but I wanted some perfect reading .

I was still in a state of depression, because my partner takes the wrist monitor one and it’s normal. He didn’t tense up though. Idk. So I then debunked the whole “malfunction” idea and was certain there was something up with me ALL day. I was staring at the ceiling , crying .

I am checking with a professional to just put this to bed , really. ( reassuring me of things I ALREADY know, I get it , but I get comfort - yet reassurance is another form of behavior from a person w/ Health anxiety)

What’s caused the worry is the health issues I’ve seen so many loved ones endure .. and that trauma from a child has stayed.

I just pray I’ve done no actual damage to myself , from body scanning so much. It’s useless . So many good YouTube videos I watched , the day after , were speaking so much truth to me. I was and am still inspired to break free from this health anxiety prison , I’ve allowed myself to be in.

It’s crazy , it went from me obsessing over my nail moon color ( which for the most part is normal ), to this rash on my leg that’s already cleared up, to now the oximeter and BP machine.( I worry if there’s damage that can be done from taking your BP too much , especially if you’re in a panic state, probably not, but that’s my current thought and I’m sad now )

Guys, I’m broken down. I can’t stay in my room forever , but I’m SO tempted to. I have no zest to just be ME, right now . Health Anxiety has kicked my ass, and I am reflecting on the unnecessary bs I’ve done , and thinking how much I’ve harmed myself, mentally , in the process .

[hippieebbbz09]

Update: Day 1 of me getting over health anxiety and it’s been somewhat groundbreaking . So, I’ve had this odd habit of mouth breathing and burping , to quell anxious thoughts and what not . Well, that had mostly tensed me up and kept me in a fight or flight mode , and it was/still kind of is a mental prison.

So, I’ve reached out to someone who is a therapist and a nutritionist - yes they’re licensed lol. Anyways , he went through a similar situation . I told him about the mouth breathing and burping , he gave me breathing exercises to do , plus suggested I exercise and up my magnesium intake, stay on Vitamin -D3 and also, make sure B12 is good. I’m doing all of those things .

Recently , I decided to tackle one of many phobias , and that’s anyone taking my bp, BP machines etc,. Well, one day of me relaxing and my reading is AMAZING, it’s now 119/90.. the bottom number could use a tad bit of work, but yeah...this is amazing . I’m crying tears of joy. Anxiety has been an as***** ....but it won’t win anymore. It feels so peaceful being this way now, guys .

I’ve also upped Chamomile tea, to a daily thing, sometimes I’ll do the tea with ginger or if it’s during the day , add in peppermint.

Also. If anyone happens to read this , any knowledge or experience with drinking corn silk tea?

...,my vacation from school is still going on and it’s the best decision I’ve made. I wanted a mental vacation for the longest. This will be a vacation that I use for healing .