What qualifies as traumatic?

[DemureRose]

I can remember a time when I didn’t have an anxiety disorder. I can remember finding joy in things that now just bring me stress and worry. Because of this, I have had to consider if I have perhaps been through something in the past few years that has created who I am today.

When I was younger, I loved hanging out with my friends both in and out of school. I’d go over to people’s houses and they’d come over to mine, we would have a lot of fun. I was never much into sleepovers but I still did them, and I enjoyed them in the end.

Now though, the idea of a sleepover can send me into a panic. The idea of hanging out with friends makes me physically ill. I haven’t had an overnight get together with my friends in almost three years. And I had a panic attack/breakdown before that sleepover.

Based on my own memories, these extreme feelings began happening around four years ago, when I was a freshmen in high school. At the time, I was still trying to find my place in a friend group, having left my previous one that I had been in for five years (we didn’t leave on bad terms. We just grew apart). Anyways, 8th grade year I was friends with these girls who were honestly...they were b**ches. Horrible. Horrible girls.

They were really good friends and I was just sort of the charity case loser hanging out with them. At first it was fun, I got to be popular for a while. But then the bad stuff started happening. They’d ditch me whenever they got the chance. They’d tease me in front of everyone. They’d make me do their work for them. All sorts of stuff. So 8th grade year wasn’t the best.

Freshmen year was supposed to be great, and it was...in the beginning. Around the middle of the first semester I started to hang out with these two girls, one I actually knew pretty well. And I fit in so nicely that I thought I had finally found my friend group. Finally.

The end of freshmen year is when things slowly started getting bad. By the time sophomore year rolled along, things were bad. They were being total jerks to me, teasing and making fun.

When I turned 16, I had bad driving anxiety so I didn’t drive much and boy did they give me heck about that. Every chance they had they’d ask me over and over why I didn’t drive and even when I explained logical reasons why I didn’t, they wouldn’t let it go.

When the next girl, the one I knew really well, got her license, she drove everyone almost immediately. At first, she would only drive around this one girl, which was totally fine with me. But when they hung out, I would see videos of them at weird places or doing things they shouldn’t. So when they’d invite me to come along, I’d say no. This was where my opposition to hanging out with friends started.

At one point, we were all on good terms and I thought they’d passed the mean phase. We made plans to get together that weekend, and I was genuinely excited. That Saturday, I texted the girl I’d know forever and asked her what time we were meeting. She told me the plans were cancelled. I was disappointed but didn’t think anything of it. A few hours later, I get on Snapchat and see that every single one of my friends are out having dinner...without me. And every single one of them posted about it. It seems dramatic, but that pain of betrayal was almost unbearable. I balled my eyes out. It was awful.

Stuff like that happened over and over again the rest of the year and once summer hit, I didn’t talk to them again. I was done. But I still carry the pain that they caused. And I have started to wonder if maybe that event could have caused the severity of my social anxiety.

I definitely have new habits because of what happened. If my friends are even a little late to a gathering we planned, I automatically assume it was a joke and they aren’t coming. If I’m watching a movie where a person is ditched by their friends, I get emotional and panicky. I constantly apologize and avoid conflict in fear I will drive away the friends I have. I don’t tell anyone details about my personal life because I don’t want it used against me like it has been (stuff like crushes, who I think is attractive, etc.)

I know this was long so to anyone who made it this far, thank you. If you did make it this far, please tell me if you think that I could have a mild case of PTSD or if I have been traumatized. Or if I’m just being overdramatic and this is how it is for anyone that’s been betrayed. Be honest.

Thank you.

[san_ray70]

Hey Rose you do not say your age now, how long ago you were at school. I was not the most popular girl at school, but I had two best friends and every now and again we fell out. As life went on we lost touch, I went to work made new friends, I stayed in touch with one of the girls mums because my mum still lived near her. I even went to her 25th weding anniversary. I have not seen her since, I can not say I have had the same experience as you, but I was always shy when I first met anybody new. I am now 71 I have been married twice, I am now very happily married. Life goes on, my husband has a heart condition and I am scared he will die before me. You cannot let life get you down, I have a daughter and son who because of their father do not talk to me. I have started a new life a new family, but I still wish my daughter or son would get in touch. My daughter suffers from depression, has for 20 years. Please try to get help and make new friends, good luck sorry for the long saga.

[Agora1]

PTSD Rose, how could you avoid it with all that happened? Unfortunately,

this happens to many during the school years, causing social anxiety to grow.

Once you start to mature and find who you really are and have confidence

in that person, life should get better for you.

PTSD needs to addressed, it is not going to go away by itself. A therapist

can walk you through the steps in leaving the past in the past and healing from the hurt. Once you are

out of school, no one in your future knows what it was like for you. You can be

anyone you want to be. You no longer have to measure your standards to others.

You become your own person. With time, comes wisdom and self confidence.

You are not being over dramatic, you are being honest as I am with you.

Wait til your 10 year reunion. You will be the one who walks into the room

self sufficient in knowing you grew since high school. I can bet you that those

girls will still be clickish, huddled together at a table still acting immature.

Get the help you need for PTSD and never let anyone put you down again.

You don't deserve it. You've blossomed into who you were meant to be xx

[DemureRose in reply to Agora1]

Thank you. Your words really meant a lot. It’s such a weight off my shoulders to know that my feelings are indeed justified. I’ve felt silly about them for so long, so it’s nice to feel understood. Thank you so much for your advice.

[Agora1 in reply to DemureRose]

I've been there Rose.. so I understand. xx

[Damian]

It's hard to know where anxiety comes from sometimes. Nothing truly awful happened to me either. I had to move school as a child; the new one wasn't very good and I got bullied for several years. Perhaps that was the start of it, but then I think of all the things that didn't happen... My parents always got on well. I didn't grow up in a war zone. We were financially secure (though not especially well off). Being bullied seems trivial compared to any of those things, so would it really have any effect?

Something I've wondered is if things that isolate you are particularly bad. My grandparents lived through the War, and I'm a Brit so that meant nights hiding in an air-raid shelter. That must have been unimaginably awful and frightening, but it was something the community went through together. Perhaps that kept it a bit more manageable. The things that happened to us weren't anything like as bad, but they were about being socially isolated, so we didn't have support from others in overcoming our problems.

There is also supposed to be a genetic link to anxiety, so it's possible that our anxiety was made worse because of genes and not anything specific that happened to us.