Horrible health anxiety

[Khuneycu]

I had a large mole removed from my back about 10 years ago for cosmetic reasons. Came back completely benign, no worries. Fast forward to May of this year (age 30 now) and it's skin cancer awareness month and I decide to really examine the scar from that mole, which regrew a little bit because it was just shaved off. I promptly go into a total panic mode thinking the scarring looks like melanoma although to my knowledge it's looked this exact way ever since I had it removed ten years ago. I have my husband look at it and panicked I ask him if it's always looked this way. He has no idea... He never worries about health issues whatsoever and rolls his eyes cause I'm constantly terrified about some symptom I have. I go to a dermatologist and she looks at it with a scope and says it's fine because the original mole was benign and that regrowth isn't uncommon when a mole is shaved off. So that calms me for a while. Fast forward to August and I decide randomly to panic about it all over again and go back to that same dermatologist and she again looks at it and says she doesn't see any concerning features but that they can fully excise it if I want or I can just watch the spot for any changes. THAT fully launched me into total meltdown anxiety and panic... I of course decide to schedule surgery to fully remove the regrowth and they don't have an opening for a freaking MONTH (October 2nd). So hear I am a couple days away and in this month I have 100% convinced myself I have melanoma, it's stage four and I am dying and will be told I only have months left. I'm convinced the dermatologist is wrong and I've read countless nightmare stories where people had moles removed and told they were fine and they came back melanoma. I have hardly eaten, I've lost 10 pounds because of that, I haven't slept for weeks, I am a COMPLETE nervous wreck and I even called out sick to work today which I never ever do because I am so totally consumed with panic and anxiety over this. I keep imagining being told it's melanoma and it's advanced and then having to tell my two precious beautiful girls ages 6 and 8 that Mommy is going to go to heaven soon and I won't be here with them anymore. I literally cannot handle where my mind has gone with this all... I even subscribed to some probably sketchy website purporting to be doctors on demand and I submitted photos of the scar to several. Two of them said it looked fine but another said he's "very conservative" and he personally would have removed that regrowth as soon as it regrew just to be safe. So naturally that made my panicked hysteria increase tenfold as I'm now imagining this melanoma cancer just growing into my body for the last ten years... I know no one can help me but I'm just asking for thoughts and for prayers for my procedure on Wednesday and that I make it through the next wait period for pathology results from the biopsy and that it all comes back fine. I'm just despondent imagining leaving my baby girls behind... I can't handle it. This has been the worst most horrible month of my life thus far. Please pray everything will be ok for me.

[Dolphin14]

🙏

You have had 3 md say it looked ok and 1 that is conservative would have removed it.

Those are good odds in your favor.

Oct 2nd is almost here and you should have results back in a week.

I hope everything works out for you.

[Khuneycu in reply to Dolphin14]

I am trying so hard to think logically like this but my fear has just taken total control of the logical side of my brain... Just trying to get through this shift at work today and then go for my surgery in the morning. The mind games I'm playing with myself are so terrible. Please pray for me today!

[Dolphin14 in reply to Khuneycu]

🙏

[Natsteveo]

Hey my lovely nurse friend

I am not going to tell you not too worry as you know I’m a huge worrier about health anxiety myself I know how gripping it can be and how crippling it makes us feel... you’ve had it back and it’s benign you’ve beaten that obstacle and it’s going to be the same this time.. when you get it in your head it’s hard to convince yourself that it’s not anything serious..

Also it doesn’t help when your being supportive to us and trying to bottle up your own worries you have been my saviour and my dearest friend through my woes it’s now time to return the favour.. your girls won’t need to be told your going to heaven because my love you ain’t going anywhere your going to get rid again like you did the first time your not going anywhere my lovely you’ve just hit a rock in the road with your thoughts babes that’s all. Remember these are thoughts from our fears nothing more...everytime a thought from your H/A creeps in just tell it “thank you for making me aware your here... but I’m going to be ok again like I was before I don’t need you to keep getting my body and mind to panic I’m fine I’m doing fine...I’ve got this I’m going to be around for a long time...I know it’s sounds weird but the more you tell yourself your fine the more your mind will start to believe it too

Keep strong

Thinking of you

Nat xxx

[Khuneycu in reply to Natsteveo]

Thank you so so much... This reply made me cry at work! I can't believe how much ive worked this up in my head this last month. I think having a month between my appt and the scheduled surgery has given me way too much time to think up of the absolute worst case scenarios in my mind. One second I'll convince myself I'm fine because when I first had it removed it was benign... But then I scare myself silly reading stories of patients who had benign moles removed and they grew back cancerous. I've made myself just sick over this with worry. I'm at work today and it's been a decent distraction but I feel nauseated just thinking of going to remove this thing tomorrow and then having ANOTHER one to two weeks to wait on the pathology report. Of course I'm only thinking of absolute worst case scenarios and I refuse the allow myself to believe everything will come back fine and that I'll be ok. This has been such a terrible battle with my very powerful mind. Thank you again for your kind message! Just trying to make it through this day at work and not totally freak out before my surgery tomorrow morning. Please pray for me!

[Agora1]

Whoa Khuneycu.... Breathe....it's amazing how we can allow our mind to go down

a path of doom and gloom before there is any need too. You've given yourself

a death sentence as well as having to leave your two beautiful little ones. Turn

those thoughts around to, "I WILL be here to raise my children through all their

memorable steps in life" This is anxiety trying to push me over the edge in fear

when I should be reserving all my strength and energy in getting through the surgery.

I have my virtual family who will support me through this. This is one of those stumbling

blocks in our path. The surgery will allow me to go around it and continue on down the road. No more searching for answers. It accomplishes nothing. We will be here on

Wednesday to support you. I will walk beside you and hold your hand. You will not

be alone. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. Keep us updated. xx

[Khuneycu in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so so much... Just having someone take the time to write out a reassuring message like this to me means the world to me. I almost know in my heart that my mind is just playing these awful games with me but I still have that awful niggling voice that says "what if you're the one who gets the bad news?" It's just terrible. I'm at work today and trying to get through the day (I'm a nurse and have several cancer patients and it really does terrible things for my already heightened anxiety). I'm trying to focus on caring for my patients who are actually diagnosed with these things and stop being selfish and focusing on myself and my own worries but it's so hard today. I want this procedure out of the way tomorrow but I'm also dreading the one to two week wait for that pathology report... The waiting is absolutely agonizing. Thank you again for thinking of me. Your message brought me so much comfort. Just need to make it through this day and get my surgery done in the morning!

[Amz1987]

Once you get the surgery and it comes back clear, which I’m sure it will. You will be able to relax ❤️ Health anxiety is the worst x

[Khuneycu in reply to Amz1987]

Thanks so much for taking the time to message me. It means a lot to me. Please pray for me and keep me in your thoughts!

[Natsteveo in reply to Khuneycu]

You’ve got this my friend your going to be just fine it’s very scary the build up to having surgery I had a cyst removed last year the size of a cricket ball !! And the recovery was good it was the waiting for my results to come back that was the scary part but I just know it’s going to come back fine and you can then ease your mind

Xx

[Amz1987 in reply to Khuneycu]

You will be in my prayers. Let us know how you go.

[Agora1]

How are you tonight Khuneycu?

Still keeping you in my thoughts xx