It all started when I was talking to someone on the phone and they were trying to analyse how my life was going to go, they didnt realise I don’t think but it stressed me out, then a while later a friend of mine rang and it was all about her problems with someone which I didnt Want to know about as she repeats it so often in fact I was trying hard not to listen to be honest 😐 she’s a good friend other than that though 😊
After that I was all stressed and anxious which is not what I need on the build up to a holiday, as I’m trying to deal with that as well at the moment. Hence bad sleep, which is another of my triggers.
Think I’m going to have to avoid talking to both of them today.
Sitting here doing my best to be calm and relaxed.
Written by
Laniben
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People annoy me in general, but I know I need human interaction. I’ve always said that for every hour of people time, I need 3-4 (or more) me time. When I’m talking/listening to someone, I try to notice my anxiety level, and I’ve also said “I gotta go,” in the middle of a sentence. Also, I don’t talk to too many people after, say, 6 o’clock. I know it’s me and my anxiety, but I’m in charge of taking care of myself. My real friends know when I get overwhelmed with chatter and gladly let me take the lead and get off the phone. I do try to analyze, after the conversation, what it may have been that set me off. That way I can get a better understanding of me and my issues. Sorry you had a bad night. Lynne
Yes like you I’m a people person generally, as others on here know. Think I’ll have to make a similar excuse to end conversations when they’re heading in the wrong direction from now on. and most definitely not in the evening unless it’s one of my daughters/granddaughters.
Everyone on this site are very helpful and really supportive by the way. They’ve helped me a lot but that’s what it’s all about...,understanding each other’s different situations 😊x
Sorry I have not been around for a few days as I have been away for work. Travelling alone and staying in hotels. Really enjoyed it actually as I have not had to take on board my husband's stresses when I travel with him.
Sorry to hear you had a bad night, but good that it was the first in ages. Shows how well you are doing now. I really hope you feel better now and have been able to put it behind you.
You do so well at soldiering on however many symptoms you have had to deal with, we find we have to do it I believe.
I think Lynn gave good advice about boundaries. I have had to make some very clear boundaries with my sister or she would really upset and stress me alot, sometimes deliberately I think, to make herself feel better. I will tell you about it another time if you want to hear it.
I know what you mean about people saying the wrong thing. It does tend to be friends who have not experienced anxiety or depression but I also get my sister doing it and a friend who had been through something similar.
In the case of the friend it was the innocent comment " with anxiety you never know how long it is going to go on for." That upset me at the time because I was newly diagnosed and quite determined that in my case it would not go on for long because I felt so terrible that I could not bear to think it would take long to recover. My doctor had been telling me that with antidepressants I would recover really quickly and I believed him. It turned out he was right, I just did not need anyone giving me a different message.
There was no way she wanted to upset me so I do not blame her but did avoid talking to her about it in future.
I also had an assessing CBT therapist who upset me badly by being unpleasant and bossy every time I did not answer her questions in exactly the way she wanted. She showed no interest in any progress I felt I had made. I did not particularly care about that because I considered her to be such a poor communicator that there was no way I was prepared to accept her as my therapist.
However she really did upset me when she asked the question " What is your goal for this therapy?" When I told her that I just wanted to get my life back she said "No that's not your goal, your goal is to learn to accept and live with your anxiety condition"
I now get why she said this but it was in no way what I wanted or needed to hear at that stage. Infact I have more than got my life back even though I do accept that I still have my condition and can live with it. The message I took from her was that I would never feel any better. She did not qualify what she said with any comments that I could feel better. She failed to realise that she had asked me what MY goals were, not to tell her the goals that SHE thought I should have. She seemed to feel her task was simply to get through a list of questions she had to ask so she could tick them off. She also only wanted answers that she felt fitted. She appeared to have no interest in or compassion for people suffering from anxiety disorders. I later found that she was in training when I put in a complaint about her and asked for another therapist. Her supervisor was meant to have telephoned me to have talked it all through but I never heard from him. I was put on a waiting list for another one and by the time I was allocated one a few months later was told that because I had improved alot I no longer needed therapy.
She set me bad very badly for a few weeks but I came to realise that her poor performance and attitude should not be allowed bring me down and I had at least given some feedback on how she had made me feel for them to try to address the issues with her during her training.
I am now awaiting counselling which I think will be much more suitable for me, but do not have high expectations of the quality of what will be offered.
The therapist who assessed me for this, though more skilled, had the same tick box attitude to her task and again did not show any empathy.
I once spoke to a young female assessment therapist who did show compassion and understanding but she was the only one. When I got the chance to speak to an experienced CBT specialist I found that he not only lacked empathy but also knowledge of GAD. Because I am not a worrier naturally, and am well able to keep my concerns in perspective except whilst really ill, he declared at one point that I could not possibly have GAD in his view, later agreeing that perhaps I had.
I think you said you are having a good experience with your therapist so I am really pleased about that. How is it going now?
I think it is the luck of the draw unfortunately. Generally there is not a good or skilled and responsive service offered by the NHS and I do not think this is all about lack of money. I think the design and quality of training and the people who the service attract leaves alot to be desired.
There is so much genuine concern and informed understanding shown on this website compared to what I have experienced of therapy services provided by the NHS.
Anyway, off my soap box, I hope you and everyone else has a good day today.
That’s ok Kim I thought you might have been away. Yes I can relate to much of what you are saying, the lady I was seeing for CBT decided I didn’t need to go anymore as she though I was doing really well, and maybe because it was on the NHS they have many people to see and some
really need it badly. I have to try and stop thinking about it too much but I’ve been buying bits and pieces ready to go so it’s difficult to put it out of my mind at the moment
I have this feeling that once we’ve started off and actually get there there will be a lot of
distraction and happy faces and laughter etc, it will be good. At the minute though Every time I go into the spare room where I’ve put things or I iron something to put aside I get anxious, daft isn’t it 🙄
I’m ok with that because there’s nothing she can actually do and because I said I’d paid for
My holiday and was going which was a big decision for me at that time she said I’d done well. I’m not saying I haven’t had anxious moments with some shaky feelings but it might be the build up to going 😐
Thanks for your reply. As the trigger for the anxiety seems to be going in the spare room with things you've bought for the holiday would it work to try not to buy anything else until really near the time. That way you can put it out of your head.
I think you are right that once on the holiday you will have full distraction and feel really good. That certainly happens with me each time.
Hi Kim, Yes thank you you’re right, another of my granddaughters is helping me sort it all out so I can just forget it for now, I’ve bought everything I needed now as well, she helped me
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