I have Anxiety since my childhood, craving a new life

[LegacyColor]

Hey, this is my first post in this forum. I live with my mom and sister. My sister and I are brought up by our single mom. When I was 8, my mom and dad got divorced. My mom was a victim of domestic abuse. My dad was a drug addict. My dad just hated my mom, he always had a doubtful mind towards her.

I had an evil childhood. The toxic relationship of my parents affected me the most! This realization gave my mom the courage to leave my dad and to start a new life! I have never seen my dad ever since then.

Unlike my sister, I did homeschooling as I had panic issues and social anxiety. I had no troubles academically, I even scored greater than my sister. Behind my every success my mom was there! My mom was in charge of my studies, planning/scheduling/organization and everything. I wasn't good at doing nothing on my own! Yeah, I did studying and coursework on my own. But I kept seeking help from my mom to schedule my weekly tasks and to remind me about little things!

Once my mom got sick, it turned my life upside down for a while. Like I forgot exam dates, went to math exam without a calc and so on! God's grace, I completed my schooling. Currently, I'm in community college.

I badly want to do things on my own, at least from now on! My mom and sister have no issues like me, so it is very confusing for me to understand why I'm struggling so much like this.

Even my mom is concerned about me as she is getting aged. She baldy want to see me being the responsible lady of our family!

She tried giving me advice to planning and scheduling my assignments and backed off from reminding me! But I lost from my track after a few days and failed! We met a nearby ADHD coach evokelearning.ca/coaching/a... (he was my mom's school mate) as I guessed of an ADHD diagnosis. He examined me thoroughly and he said he couldn't find any distraction issues with me! I forced him to start a training session for me there. But instead, he asked me to get back to life and try hard (He assured me to think about the coaching only after putting my best efforts to overcome my fear).

After confronting with the coach I have become a bit confident, hope I can do it! Currently, I'm looking for methods to overcome my issues. I even started to meditation and yoga to keep myself calm.

I wonder if any of you can suggest any books or strategies help me out.

My mom thinks that I have these issues due to my evil childhood. So she wants me to go for a counselling session with a psychiatrist, but I don't! So, please let me know your thoughts on her suggestion.

Ps: I'm done watching plenty of motivational videos.

[Brightfuture22]

Hi Legacy,

Welcome to this forum, I hope you have an amazing experience here and find all the support you need!

I am sorry you went through such a horrible childhood, I cannot imagine what that must have been life for you!

The best advice I can give is see a therapist, even if you think you don’t need one. A therapist helps in so many ways and different areas that it is wonderful! Also continue the meditation and yoga. Those are helpful ways to relax and regain composure!

Have you seen a dr about your anxiety? They may be able to provide more medical advice/solutions.

Cheers! 💜

[LegacyColor in reply to Brightfuture22]

Thanks, Bright!

I consulted an ADHD coach instead of a therapist. I would have seen a therapist, right? I will be considering that suggestion seriously!

Gratitude in abundance for all the support groups. I have been through most of the posts. I found a lot of stories and healing tips.

Over the past years, I have been to a doctor to treat my anxiety, now I discontinued it as I don't want to get over medicated.

Thanks for replying.