My Anxiety and OCD

[Marvelman10]

Ok hey everyone. First post here. 25 years old and been dealing with anxiety most of my life. Started out with the weather. I would call out of school sick just because the clouds were dark. Terrified of the idea that there could be a tornado. If I was in the car, I would constantly sit with my head in my lap and refuse to look out the window. I can remember countless panic attacks just because of heavy thunderstorms or because it got dark outside in the middle of the day. Around this time, I was also having severe anxiety about something bad happening to my family. If one of my parents would not answer the phone, I would immediately think the worse. If my dad wasn’t home in a specific amount of time after I knew he was supposed to be off work, I would pace back and forth past the window waiting for him to pull into the drive way. Around this time, I started going to a psychiatrist and got put on some medicine. I don’t remember at this point what it was. Eventually, I grew out of that (for the most part). I still tend to get very anxious if a tornado warning is issued for my area. Once I got into high school and college, my anxiety shifted to public speaking and social anxiety. This one basically speaks for itself. I would worry myself sick before presentations and avoid any interaction I could possibly have with anyone I wasn’t comfortable around. After high school and 5+ years of college, I’ve made a lot of progress in this area, although it does still give me trouble from time to time. In addition to the anxiety, I also suffer from OCD. I can’t really remember when it started but I would say probably somewhere between 17-20. Any little task you can think of, I feel like I have to do multiple times. Closing/opening doors, turning on/off the tv, light-switch, locking my phone, turning the water faucet on/off, locking doors, plugging in my phone, walking in/out of a room. If I do one of these things and it just doesn’t feel right for some reason, or if I’m not thinking of something that I classify as good in my mind, then I have to redo it. And I redo it as many times as I need until I do that successfully. I classify numbers and colors as good or bad depending on what I associate them with. For example, my jersey number for soccer was 10 so it’s a good number for me. 6 is a bad number because it makes me think of 666. So if I am thinking of the number 6 when I close a door, then I would have to open it back up and close it again while thinking of a “good” number. I do the same thing with people as bad as that sounds. My friends for example, if I’m thinking of a friend of mine that is very pessimistic and critical then I would have to redo whatever it is. Just because I don’t like those qualities and it’s not how I am or want to be. And in my mind, if I don’t redo these things with the right thing in mind, then something bad will happen to me or my family or someone I care about. I’m still dealing with that to this day. Now to my anxiety today. I’ve always been kind of a hypochondriac but this is different. I would say it started a month or two ago. I have this spot on my head that started hurting. I wouldn’t say hurting even, it just feels more uncomfortable. If I could describe the feeling, I would say it’s like when your hair is used to going a certain way and you sleep on it wrong. And when you try to fix it or move it to where it usually goes, it’s kind of tender. Like sensitive in a way. But I was really stressed with school at the time, lack of sleep, and I always had my head slouched over a book when I study. So I figured all of that probably had something to do with it. Being a physical therapy student, I figured maybe my neck muscles were tight and it was just causing a tension headache. So I tried stretching them and it felt like it was helping! So it kinda continued on and off for the last couple of months. Same spot and same feeling. Until about a week ago, it began being pretty constant. I’ve tried stretching like before but it hasn’t seemed to work. Since it started I never really forgot about it but I’ve also started paying very close attention to my body and it’s causing me more anxiety. I feel like my pulse isn’t as strong. I’m constantly checking all of them. I feel like I’m short of breath sometimes. All of the sudden, I’m questioning whether I have a brain tumor or an aneurysm. I stopped going to the gym because I’m afraid that I may cause it to burst. Any time I exert myself and my head hurts worse, I can feel myself beginning to have a panic attack. Any time I lay down to go to sleep, it is all I can think about and the anxiousness keeps me from even being able lay down. I’m constantly calling my dad so he can talk to me down as he has dealt with this same sort of thing in the past. I’m going to the doctor in the morning and hope to get some foods news. I’ll probably suggest that I need to be put on some medication as well. Sorry for the long post. Just needed to talk and get it all out somewhere. Any comments or words of reassurance would be greatly appreciated.

[Hidden]

Hey Marvelman,

First and foremost, welcome, I'm glad you're here because this is a great place where you'll find a lot of people in similar or relatively similar situations to yourself. I am so sorry to hear of your suffering and issues. It sounds like you're dealing with multiple types of anxiety such as health anxiety (a lot of us here). The weather anxiety you had, I just personally experienced. We had a tornado warning in my area a few days ago and I was lacking sleep but trying to protect my two children. I felt helpless and terrible...heart rate climbing as I had to maintain to them that everything was going to be okay, but my insides feeling fairly awful. I took medication which helped, but it's hard not to tense up (especially more so than the non-overly anxious folks). Realize what you're feeling is normal. I won't go way overboard with words here, but a lot of what you said, I can absolutely relate to. I worry about my health, my folks, and even weather. Anxiety absolutely doesn't help. You'll see a lot of suggestions to try a therapist, medication, mindfulness, meditation, and many other methods to help reduce stress and anxiety; especially during difficult periods or times. If you ever need a line to talk more about it, feel free to message me or keep this thread going. Just wanted to extend a welcome aboard and that I can sympathize with your situation. Take care for now and try to be kind to yourself as you work with and on your anxiety. Things can and do get better!

Patrick

[Marvelman10 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks man I really appreciate it. Reading everyone else’s posts and seeing how supportive everyone is has already helped put my mind at ease to some extent.

[SheWrote]

Hey there! Welcome! And I so glad you felt comfortable enough to share everything you did. That in itself took a lot of courage!!! So, good for you!!!

I would like to encourage you to get into a good counseling program and get back on some meds, if necessary. I had terrible fear, anxiety and panic attacks for over 35 years! And it truly debilitated me and prevented me from truly living. So, please do whatever you have to in order to find freedom from this! It is no way to live, I know, I did it for a very long time! And now I am completely free... and life is so good! I have done more in the last three years than I did in 45.

You are stronger than you realize. And, this fear that has control of you only has power over you if you give it that power. I am here if you want to talk more. You can get past this! I believe in you!