I did it again...

[DemureRose]

So...I lied to my friend about having to work in order to avoid going out. I mean I want to hang out with them but something else is telling me “nope you don’t want to”. Just imagining saying yes gives me such an “elephant on chest” feeling that lying was just instinctual. I feel sick about it but at the same time I don’t want to do it. I really hate that going out with my friends feels like a march to my death. There’s just so much more I think about when doing stuff like this that others don’t or at least not in the way I do. I’m concerned on who’s going. What we’re going. Where we’re going. How late we’re staying out. And who’s driving who.

I may end up going anyways just to get rid of the guilt. I did manage to word it in a way that will allow me to be suddenly free if I change my mind. But dread is too soft a word I feel like to use for my feelings.

Update: as I was writing this I got the info on what we’re doing. We’re going to a rollerskating park then eating dinner. Rollerskating??? Sounds like my personal nightmare! I won’t skate so I’ll probably end up watching everyone else and looking like a loser. So I think I feel a bit less guilty about saying no lol.

[Agora1]

DemureRose, I smiled as I read your post. Smiled because there's not a one of us

who hasn't felt what you are feeling. Commitment is overruled by the "what ifs", the

negative thoughts grow within us without even having to take that step forward.

Just the "thought" can present with physical sensations which makes us think how

can we possibly entertain that thought of going somewhere and then enjoying ourselves

as well?? Impossible.... And so within one negative thought, we are worn down, defeated

and feel guilty at the same time. We do the best we can with what we've been given.

Roller Skating isn't your thing x It's okay, maybe another time, another place. xx

[DemureRose in reply to Agora1]

Thank you! I was really needing some understood help. I have nobody to talk to anymore because it makes my mom mad when I say I declined an offer to go out. She knows I have social anxiety but still gets upset. So having this community of people who get it makes it much more bearable. I was honestly expecting a “just grin and bear it” type response but I’m happy that’s not what I got.

Only one of my friends knows I have social anxiety so that’s makes it a little easier but I know that every time I cancel they get closer. But I also know if I go they’ll call me party pooper because I won’t be having much fun. It’s my famous impossible situations. 😂

[Agora1 in reply to DemureRose]

DemureRose, The idea of this site is that it will always be your "safe place" to

come to where you know you will not be put down or judged. We understand

all too well. You are never alone xx

[Hidden]

You just prefer your own company these days?

[DemureRose in reply to Hidden]

Pretty much! My self is just much more fun 😂

[Hidden in reply to DemureRose]

Sure if you makes you happy then why not 😂

[vbp123]

Hi, I did it so many times and I still do. It makes me sick because I feel guilty because I know it is not me, it is anxiety, which makes me nervous and overthinking things. It is awful. I hope I could have the ability just go with it without dreading unexpected.

The funny thing is - in most occasions, when I did go out( work parties, meetings, birtday parties) I did feel fine and actually enjoyed myself. But apprehension prio to that- I hate that feeling.

You are not alone.

xx

[fib4]

i completely understand i do the same thing and then sometimes when i make the commitment i hope something comes up so i don't have to go LOL!!!! you are not alone in this i wish i were normal and didn't have these thoughts but i've had them for so long it seems normal LOL!!!! there are a lot of us out there sometimes i feel like i live in a cage. my only safe place is at home i go to work and come right home if i didn't work i probably wouldn't go out i even hate to stop at stores to get food. how sad is that i border on being a recluse

[DemureRose in reply to fib4]

I constantly find myself wishing something would come up! It’s like a relief/guilt ridden feeling. To me it feels like my parents are my safe place because I like going out but only with them. Maybe it’s that I don’t really have to worry about anything or myself even when I’m with them. Idk really. But it is nice to know I’m not the only one!

[Dolphin14]

I do the same thing. One thing I've learned is to take my own car. It makes me feel safer that I have a "get away plan.

If I plan something I write it on my calendar and then ruin my whole week thinking about it.

I will go grab a cup of coffee with s friend. That's about all my social activity. I will do this especially if I've declined a bunch of invitations from them. Just to maintain the friendship. I have no problem setting the timer by saying. Quick cup I have to do something else at a certain time.

You are definitely not alone in this.

[DemureRose in reply to Dolphin14]

I always feel better when it’s something like a movie or a meal because I can always see the end. I know approximately when it will end and stuff. Making plans does completely ruin my week. It’s an impossible situation because if I plan it I’m anxious but if it’s last minute I’m also anxious.

[Dolphin14 in reply to DemureRose]

Totally agree. How I feel about it is we have to do what's best for us. So, if we have to say no that's what we do. I've always been a YES person my whole life. So, saying No doesn't bother be now. I don't want to " sign up" for anxiety. I know my care team and friends and family would like to see more socializing. But, I'm not going to make myself sick over these things. Maybe as time goes on it will get easier? But for now I do what works.

Best of luck to you.