Longer post because I’m sad lol

Does anyone else ever feel like they’re mourning for themselves? I miss my life so bad. I was so independent.. I’d hop on a train and grab ice cream at 9:30pm because I wanted to treat myself after working on a ton of music. I’d work on music nonstop. Go to the gym daily and feel wonderful. I wouldn’t worry about my health. I wouldn’t panic on the trains from agoraphobia. I’d just fantasize all day about marrying my boyfriend and my career. Working harder. Future trips to faraway places.

I’m REALLY hoping this is withdrawal but I’m starting to get freaked out because it’s been 3 weeks off. YES, I tapered. I had really crappy adverse effects to Zoloft.

I’m just sitting around right now at my boyfriend’s not feeling like me, crying by myself, wondering when this is just gonna stop. I felt so dizzy earlier and I literally got scared I would die or faint.

I do not want to be stuck like this forever. God I wish I never took Zoloft. I wish I never let my anxiety crush me. Yes, I’m afraid of not feeling better, and mental health, and I never believe doctors. My hypochondria is not gone. But I really really wish I could just take a time machine and not google the symptoms I had with my stomach in February. I would give anything.

My boyfriend has been so kind and patient to me. I feel like I disappointed him this morning when I felt strange even though he told me to lay down and stay at his place.

I’m so so terrified I’m going nuts. My doctor and multiple others laugh and assure me I’m fine but it is so scary for me to even think about.

I just don’t even feel like me right now. It’s foggy, I feel distant, I feel hopeless. I never ever felt like this in my life. I’m praying it’s just the chemicals adjusting.

I just wish I had a friend to sit with right now.

[JAYnLA]

Hey Uni. Consider this. These terrifying thoughts and feelings that are coming up needed to come up at some point. Better now than later, right? You have the space to deal with them and you're doing your best to do so. These experiences aren't fabricated from a drug you took - they're real mental processes that you can work on demystifying and releasing. That's how we heal. I'm doing the same in my life right now and I have felt pretty much every way you mention in this and other posts. I trust that this is a process of evolution - it's not a final verdict about how I will feel for the rest of my life. It is a purging. A transition. Sometimes I worry that I can't handle it - but since I've handled it repeatedly, that argument has lost steam. You are no different. Hang in there, Uni. We are all learning from your experience as I hope you're learning from ours.

[Hidden in reply to JAYnLA]

Thank you SO much. It’s so hard. How is your tapering going? I get so scared of not being able to handle it. Ugh. I’m keeping record of this for others and myself; I’m really praying that I will feel better soon because this is a lot!!

[JAYnLA in reply to Hidden]

Yes it is A LOT. That's an understatement. Feeling like your life is over? Yeah, that'll put a person in a bit of a 'mood'. Fortunately, it's BS. As for my taper, I'm doing a cross taper to prozac. I'm a bit more nervous and off balance at the moment, but I know it's because of the switch. The experience you had on Zoloft is what I think I had on Lexapro. Scared me to death. It took a year for me to feel like I could try something else. So far so good.

[Hidden in reply to JAYnLA]

Exactly!!!! I literally feel like my life has hit rock bottom. It’s terrible. Thank you sooooo much. It’s amazing how different we each react to meds. Everyone kind of gave their opinion to me yesterday about how I apparently tapered incorrectly and it seriously stressed me out. I’m glad you’re doing ok! The nerves are definitely from the switch. You got this!!!!

[JAYnLA in reply to Hidden]

And you've got this as well, Uni. The chances that two weeks on Zoloft has caused actual damage are low to non existent. I saw people chiming in about your taper schedule and kind of wanted to wring their necks. You were on a tiny dose for a tiny amount of time. You're OKAY.

[Hidden in reply to JAYnLA]

Thank you so much 😭😭 it triggered me so much. I don’t understand how people wouldn’t think that would freak me out??

[Laniben in reply to Hidden]

OH yes I feel like that so much more especially on bad days

Hugs ❤️ x

[SxufferingSxoul]

I get that all the time, and remember I told you that Zoloft causes withdrawal symptoms that can stay up to more than 2 months. And I understand what it’s like to regret googling symptoms, it’s awful I know but you can get through this I promise! I suggest that you check your vitamin D level because it causes these feelings sadly, vitamin B deficiency worsens hypochondria. Wish I was there to give you a hug and comfort you x

[Hidden in reply to SxufferingSxoul]

Thank you so much. It’s so hard to stay focused in the moment. I got my D vitamins checked and my B; the D is good now that I’m taking vitamins and same with the B ones. I honestly think my hypochondria got bad because I was so sick from the flu. Like, yes, the “symptoms” were there but I think throwing up made my B vitamins deplete. Ugh thank you so much

[SxufferingSxoul in reply to Hidden]

The fact that your vitamin levels are okay now is just more evidence that these are all Zoloft withdrawal symptoms! A few days before I travelled to see my aunt for a month I stopped Zoloft without telling my doctor. I know I’m stupid lmao. That one month was one of the worst months in my entire life, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t even stay sat down from how restless I was. I got constant issues with breathing, neck seizures, spasms in my chest. All from anxiety getting worse as a withdrawal symptom of Zoloft. I was constantly feeling like I had an infection since I was nauseated as heck too! All these physical symptoms from frikin anxiety that worsened as a result of Zoloft withdrawal! Don’t worry it will go away soon, you will be okay! I will always be here for you x

[Krn210]

I promise you are not going nuts, and that all of us have been there. You are still that same girl, you’ve just changed a little with time. Once everything calms down some you will find her again. *hugs*

[Hidden in reply to Krn210]

Aw thank you sooooo much. I needed this 😭

[Hidden]

At this point it might be morphing from zoloft withdrawal to just plain old anxiety and that'll be the first step in feeling better because it'll be a LOT easier to control it once it's less chemical. I promise on my life you will be back to normal soon.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so so so much. I appreciate it 😭😭😭😭

[Leighakay]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

I have been feeling this same exact way lately. I beat it before with therapy and medication but now I'm pregnant and it is back. Don't lose hope and give up. Things will get better. It was the hardest fight I have ever had to fight and now I'm fighting it again. I too feel like I am going crazy and losing my mind and my life. I was once super independent and always had to do things on my own for myself. I wasn't given a choice. When this first happened to me a few years ago I felt like my whole life was falling apart and didn't know how I could ever get things back on track but I did slowly. Now I'm in the same boat again with a 3 year old and a new baby on the way due in September. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time and pray to God sor help all the time. Also I recommend the book by claire weekes called, self help for your nerves. You are not alone!

[Hidden in reply to Leighakay]

Thank you so much!! I started to feel like this since taking meds and getting off so I’m hoping it fades It’s hard!

Awww congratulations on your motherhood! You’re amazing. Thank you!!! I love that Claire weekes book! I’m gonna listen again ❤️

[Kkimm in reply to Leighakay]

Hi

So sorry to hear how you are feeling. I have been through it too but am much older and my daughter is grown up. She has actually been a fantastic support to me. I dread her ever having to go through it.

I really hope you start to feel better before your second child is born. It must be so difficult to manage when you have a three year old and are pregnant, my heart goes out to you.

Are you able to get any therapy or take antidepressants when pregnant, I imagine not the later. They were a life saver for me. Perhaps you are not keen to take them anyway but may be able to after your baby is born if you are feeling able to consider them. They can make you feel much worse before you feel better which seems so tough considering what you go through anyway.

You will get better, hang on it there.

My best wishes for every improving for you.

Kim

[Leighakay in reply to Kkimm]

Thanks for reaching out to me!

I'm currently editing to see a therapist in late June. I made the appointment a few weeks ago and that's the soonest I could get it.

It's very thought to manage this while being pregnant and having a 3 year old. Luckily my fiance has been a good listener and supporter.

I'm really hoping all if this gets better soon. I think the hormones contribute to a lot of it too so hopfully after I have the baby I am able to get some relief and maybe back on my medication.

[Kkimm]

Hi Unicornsrule

I am so sorry you were feeling this way.

You are an amazing person and are doing so well. This was 13 hours ago so I am hoping you are feeling better by now.

I really wish I could wave a magic wand and cure it for you and everyone else who is suffering from this nasty, conniving, condition called anxiety.

Do you think it would help to go back to your doctor or therapist and see what they think is the way forward?

You have a wonderful bf to support you and you do all the right things in carrying on your busy life. It sounds a very exciting and full on life with great a great career that you have and I am sure will you get well in time. I definitely had moments like you described in your post two years ago and feel wonderful now almost every day, back to an even more fulfilling life than I had before. I know you can do it too.

If you feel like saying, how did it all start for you? I will not bore people again with how mine did as I feel like I have told the story so many times but I will say it was a living nightmare for the first 6 months or so.

I cannot remember if you have ever mentioned using the acceptance approach as described by Claire Weekes in books and on YouTube but know alot of people find that really helpful.

You are very brave and will get there.

Kim

[Hidden in reply to Kkimm]

Thank you!!! I’m not as low but feel pretty meh and foggy. Thank you soooo much.

I see my psychotherapist every week and he gave me lots of grounding techniques. He’s not a psychiatrist but he’s made notes of how I felt pre and post Zoloft.

Thank you so so much. It’s inspiring that you feel great again!!! I really want to get back to being me I know that I will!

My panic started in February; I was dealing with money stress and then got a stomach bug. The stress and flu triggered my IBS, but I thought I maybe got like celiac’s or something. So I googled.. they found nothing.. the symptoms persisted.. I thought they missed something.. I got a full on panic attack that made my head spin! I never experienced it before. So I googled, not knowing it was panic. Legit thought I had MS because I had numbness and tingling and dizziness. I didn’t see a neurologist until a month later and I was cleared after doing MRIs and EEGs (at this point I thought I had everything!!!). My GP thought I was fine but wouldn’t run tests. So it was bad! I developed agoraphobia from the panic. I took a break from nyc to come to Boston and just sat around doing nothing because my agoraphobia was horrific. Once all my tests came back negative, I was horrified I had psychosis or schizophrenia and my hypochondria was a “delusion”. I’ve been cleared of those, too, but took Zoloft to help. It did stop my panic but it also created a total zombie out of me where I just felt out of body and spaced out and weird and even depressed!! Since going off, I still feel very odd. I get mood swings. It’s so hard!!

Thank you soooo much, Kim! I love Claire Weekes and I’ll look more books up!

[Hidden in reply to Kkimm]

And you’re never a bore! Your story helps me❤️

[fib4]

what kind of stomach issues did you google? i'm always doing that too

[Hidden in reply to fib4]

Pretty much everything under the sun. Don’t do it. ❤️

[fib4 in reply to Hidden]

and what was the actual problem?

[Hidden in reply to fib4]

I had a stomach bug, and IBS! Basically, if your doctor is worried, then you should be. If not, do not worry.

[fib4 in reply to Hidden]

what were your symptoms

[Hidden in reply to fib4]

Everything IBS related. If you haven’t talked to your doctor, do so. I’m not trying to sound harsh but talking about symptoms triggers anxiety more. It’s not healthy for me to talk about them.

[fib4 in reply to Hidden]

i apologize didn't mean to upset you. having to deal with social situations triggers mine or even leaving the house

[Hidden in reply to fib4]

You’re fine! Let’s put it this way - if you go through my posts, you’ll see that I went through a LOT with worrying and hypochondria. You do not want to get worse. Don’t google. If your doctor said you’re fine, then you’re FINE

[fib4 in reply to Hidden]

i have hypochondria big time i drive my husband nuts with it every time i have something i think the worst or start googling than that makes it worse. my husband threatened to lock me out of my computer LOL!!!!!

[Ragdoll15]

I am in the same situation as you are. I have just weaned myself off venafexine because of the awful side effects. The withdrawal symptoms were horrendous but it's now 3 weeks since stopping and I am feeling dreadful still. I don't know if I am still in withdrawal mode or whether I need to take something else. Like you my head is foggy and I can't seem to cope with anything or anyone. I keep thinking how my life used to be and grieving for that person that I was. I do hope you can find some relief from your suffering.

[Hidden in reply to Ragdoll15]

It’s really hard!!!! I’m in the same boat. I wasn’t even on Zoloft long! How long were you on yours?

[Ragdoll15 in reply to Hidden]

I was on venaflexine for a year.

[captained49]

Me too

[Hidden in reply to captained49]

Hang in there

[Hidden]

Hey, how was the concert?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Amazing!!!!! It was so good to get out and be outside all day!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Glad to hear it! 😊

Are you planning any more?

[Hidden]

When you feel like dying just say bring it on..

No matter how we feel or how we may look to others..remember one thing its great to wake up to another day, even if i still feel constant faintness,dizziness, fast heart rate...we must continue to be greatful for another day wether its to stress, fight, deal with symptoms..bottom line your still breathing...dont let it get you down be strong...stand with me

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I’m not weak minded but thanks for the post lol.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Lol ok im not a therapist myself..well its good to see you have a good sense of humour...hahaha lol