How do I stop thinking about people who hurt me and my own self hatred?

[LibraryLove]

Lately I keep thinking about people who’ve hurt me. All things my family have said to me, or didn’t understand. All the friends I’ve trusted excluded me, told me I was a sacrifice of their time, pathetic, ignored me etc. And I think about times when I’ve been a jerk and I think that maybe I’m more of a jerk than I realize and that’s why I feel like I’m hurt by everyone. I know this mindset isn’t good but it’s been so hard to stop and I love been feeling so overwhelmed by this thought cycle. I met a great friend who is really excited to meet up with me and invite me out and listens to me. She’s a friend I’ve been waiting to have and I’m so scared I’m gonna screw it up somehow. Does anyone have any tips on how to stop this thought cycle? How to stop thinking about all the friends and family who’ve hurt me, and how do I stop blaming myself?

[hypercat54]

Your previous friends sound toxic so forget them. Do you feel you make friends too quickly? It takes time and committment to learn to trust someone with your feelings and good friends can't be made overnight.

Everyone has different levels of friends - ie ones who share your interests, ones you meet at a specific place on a regular basis, or the ones who might become good friends in the future but not right now.

Be yourself but try and think before you open your mouth. This is something many young people don't do but you learn with experience. That's ok. x

[LibraryLove in reply to hypercat54]

Well the toxic friends are people

I’m friends with anymore, but it’s still hard to not think about what they did and how they’ve made me feel. And I do try to think before I say, but it’s more of the concern that maybe I’ve said something that has hurt someone or was rude and I’m too stupid to see it. I also don’t think “not thinking before talking” is only something young people do, it’s something that everyone struggles with no matter your age.

[hypercat54 in reply to LibraryLove]

Well I can only be guided by myself. When I was young I would open my mouth without thinking and it took a few hard lessons to learn to think first. I used to feel I had to be different to others to make people like me so would say some really silly and insensitive things. Instead I found quite the oppositive.

As long as you are aware you are being nice to people then if they object that's their problem not yours. Don't forget we can all be thoughtless sometimes but that's ok and if you think you have been then say sorry. You can only be yourself but be a nice version of you. x

[LibraryLove in reply to hypercat54]

Well I try to be a nice person, that’s all anyone can strive for. But I also want to point out here that you had no reason to assume I was young. Does it say somewhere on my profile my age because unless I’m missing it, it doesn’t. I came here to look for advice on how to stop thinking about people who’ve hurt me. I did not come to this site to be judge from someone who’s advice is “oh you’re probably just young and ignorant and you just need to watch your mouth.” I’ll be signing off from this website and deleting the app because I haven’t found this place to very helpful. I hope you learn as well to think before you comment.

[hypercat54 in reply to LibraryLove]

I never said you were young - only that I was when I was like that. I would point out that no one has to reply to you and if they do so it is from an earnest desire to help. Even if you disagreed with my response would it have hurt you to acknowledge it and politely say I was incorrect in my assumptions but still thank me for my reply?

No you have a right go at me and if you treat others like this then no wonder no one likes you or you don't have any friends. You can't expect to be rude and disrespectful to others and be liked. You need to look at your own behaviour to find your answers.

Oh and I always think before I say anything and treat others well. This is why you wrote this post and not me as I don't have this problem and have many friends and a good social life. I have been on HU answer a lot of people and have helped loads of them but unfortunately there are a few like you who are aggressive angry people and take it out on others. You have probably never been told the truth before have you?

I am out of your post.

[Darryl Partner in reply to LibraryLove]

H LibraryLove. Only you can decide if our community is a helpful place for you. There is a list of resources in the right hand column, if you take that route.

[Cat33]

Friends like those aren't friends

Don't beat yourself up so much people who can act like that they are not worth it

Enjoy seeing this real friend and learn to love yourself

Listen to the song The Greatest Love Of All the words are so true

You take care and let those toxic people be very much in the past

Sending hugs 🤗🤗

[pink318]

Hello- I was also offended by a very close friend of mine few years ago. It was painful and hard to deal with. Everytime I remember what she did, I was mad and heart broken. I had my devotions and it was talking about forgiveness. It says that in order for me to experience peace, I have to forgive. It’s difficult to forgive but through prayers, thank God I was able to. I still remember the offense but there’s no more pain.

I’m sorry that you are going through this. It’s difficult to let go of the pain but I pray that you will be able to forgive them so you can experience peace in your heart. Take care and keep us posted. God bless.