Why him?

[imissyou]

its going to be five years without your existence dad .I graduated last year I had a chair put up for you everyone kept on congratulating me but all I could think of and still think of is that you'll never be there to see me win. I miss you terribly we all do,we never bring up your name like its a shame to talk about what happened I'm tired of living like this dad I really wish you were here I just want you to be here can we please go back to the Sunday brunch and all the chocolate cakes the inside jokes and that beautiful smile you shared with me only and that's not even quarter of it .I really miss you dad I really do. I need to go now put up an act like everything is okay time to give those fake smiles I have mastered in giving

[JaneN40]

Sorry for your loss. Your dad is with you as he’s got a big place in your heart X

[imissyou in reply to JaneN40]

Thank you it means a lot

[Hidden]

So sorry for your loss....

It’s sounds so sad that you don’t get the opportunity to talk about him and sounds like others don’t talk about him 😞

But No one can take those precious memories away from you and it sounds like you have quite a few 😊

Every good wish to you 🌺🌺🌺 x

[imissyou in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much Olivia it means a lot I have thousands actually he was the best dad in the world. Yeah its like a path not to be crossed its visible we are all hurting but we don't open up

[Hidden in reply to imissyou]

Yes it can be so difficult how pain is dealt with..my family tend to shut down too around painful stuff so I can relate. And yet talking would possibly help you all..in time maybe that will change ,quite often it does. Maybe they feel like you and they would love to talk about him but fear how others would feel. It’s like a vicious circle that takes us back to not saying anything...

Did you ever consider something like cruse bereavement to talk about it to a counsellor , cruse are a uk company I’m not sure where you are. I’m sure most countries would have a bereavement counselling service..

It does seem a shame to not talk about such a special person.

In the meantime those memories are precious that you have.

🌹🌹🌹 x

[imissyou in reply to Hidden]

I live in a 3rd world country and I doubt they are such services though they are Counselors but I'm not employed and I don't want my family to worry especially my mom she's the bravest woman I know I've only seen her cry once and it completely tore me apart she does her best to make everyone happy that I'm scared she is not happy herself as you said its am ongoing vicious cycle though when will the cycle break?

[Hidden in reply to imissyou]

Ah I understand.

I hope the cycle breaks and it helps you all.

Sounds like you are all being considerate of each other in a way , which possibly is causing the silence around your dad.

I guess you will know when the time becomes right for you to mention him, maybe to begin with in a small way and perhaps the doors will open

I truly wish you well and hope things happen to help you and your mum in the healing process

🌺 x

[RoseyViolet]

So sorry for the loss of your dad. Grief has so many faces and stages and we all process it at different speeds and ways. Do you have a counselor or a trusted friend you can turn to during those times when you just really need an outlet? Perhaps in your local area you could search and find a "grief share" group wherein your may gather with others who are experiencing the same pain as you are, sometimes just the simple act of feeling free to talk openly about it can really be helpful. My sister died suddenly about 9 years ago, her absence is felt everyday, but the "sting" of loss and pain of her dying isn't evident everyday now. Now, I remember the good things, the good times, recalling her silly laugh and being reminded of the things that were important to her keeping them alive within me to honor her best. I've found this great website that has a variety of articles on depression, anxiety and grief, I hope you find as much help as I did. God Bless You!! bit.ly/2jcCm6F