Can I love myself? Arghhh! Life after my Mom’s crossing over.

[Tikirob]

Sorry I have been out of the loop since my Mom (hate saying it) died. We had a tough relationship and I did not talk to her in the months before although she reached out to me. It was very very sudden. Now I am Having a hard time motivating. Thought about calling my mom for the first time today as did when I was sick for reassurance I would be ok. I think about the happiness people said she wanted for me and I am being miserable. My luck keeps changing to keep me from enjoying life (denied SSI, stomach issues for two months, car steering broke, 900 dollar repair, relationship ended, no residence to call home, mother died, etc..) I thought perhaps I wanted to die 4 months ago, my excuse was God gave me every opportunity to have a good life and I failed to do so, but I pushed on past depression and lived now to see my mother die. My life has fallen apart and I have no children to be strong for, no family except for my Dad who basically admitted our family was a long mistake. That was a death too. All the unfairness and unease my Mom and all of us felt was really the result of people who were blinded by good heartedness and stubbornness at the same time. I see other friends who have great ties with family and are successful at being artists. My attitude has been my failure. I really wish I could start over. Taking more chances. Separating from my parents but loving them too from a distance and really giving my talents there all. I now am looking at getting old the mistakes of life blaring around me. So scared to meet God and explain my failures and the selfishness I have exhibited. It’s cold. I just want a nice day with love from somewhere. I’m getting too old to have a family where I can give love and be loved. Sorry to lay all of this on you. I know I am a hard person to deal with and all you would have to do is ask my friends and family. Feeling down.

[kenster1]

hi I am sorry for the suffering that you are experiencing try not to link things like and stuff take it as separate issues that can be resolved.work hard in trying to get your own home and then you will feel more settled.i am sure your grieving is the biggest hurdle and its very important you speak to someone.the more you speak the easier it gets in time I am sure your dear mum will be willing you on encouraging you to be strong.if we can be strong when can be anything we want.always here for you take care.

[Catwoman2018]

I can totally understand how you feel now you've lost your mum. I lost mine 5 months ago and the urge to pick up the phone and call her is always there. Even this morning, I thought " I must tell mum " and then remember I can't. It's really hard being so down and coming here to this community is the best thing to do. Lots of support, friends who care and will listen and be there for you unconditionally. Try and stay strong, I'm here for you anytime. Sending you big hugs and lots of love. x

[Bradfordjoiner]

Hi tikirob

It’s horrible loosing your mum and there won’t be a day gone that you won’t forget about her .... try not to judge yourself I find I do this and I make myself a prisoner to my own thoughts ..... i love this support group for comfort and there is always someone just there to listen ... time is the big healer ... I wish you strength in your fragile loss ....... you will pick yourself back up .... so don’t feel that your stuck ....... all the best mate 👍🏼

[Refusetolose]

My heart is so heavy reading this because you sound just like me . I lost my mother 10 years ago due to a tragic accident . I am her only child and she was a single parent. For me, every year got worse . I compare it to a game . Like how every level gets harder . I too am filled with so many regrets and pain . These years without her I just existed I didn’t truly lived . It breaks my heart looking back at the promised future I had and now I feel like it went down the drain bc of all of my depression and pain . Now I have anxiety which is an absolute nightmare. For so many years I had so much hate and anger towards God . I do believe in God and despite it all try to have a relationship through prayer . It is a very dark and difficult journey but in the process I have learned that we must look for the light within ourselves no matter how difficult that may be . I am currently going through the same thoughts and feelings as you . I wish you all the strength to get through this . You are not alone .

[Pontiac1979]

Man you really hit home my mom is in the nursing home with altztimers and doesn't know anyone she went from being my mom 1 yr ago to being on her death bed I have a daughter that we don't have contact breaks in my truck just went out of work for a hernia and it's been 30 to 50 below zero the last week so you are not alone maybe better days are coming

[pink318]

I’m sorry you are are going through a tough time. God loves you, go to Him and He will accept you for who you are. The Bible says that if we repent of our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us.

Don’t be hard on yourself. Give yourself time to grieve. I’m sorry for the loss of your Mom. My Mom passed away in 2013 and until now, I cry every time I miss her. Cry if you need to. We are for you, you are not alone. I pray that you will not give up no matter what you face in life. Please keep us posted, God bless.