I type my thoughts just to vent. I am overwhelmed with negativity and I'm sorry about my post. I have been for a long time now. Anxiety is everyday literally. Why do i continue to be tormented by my own thoughts? After all they're just thoughts. Why won't my subconscious mind just leave me alone?
Why won't it allow me to just let go so i can move on an go back to living a normal life? I can honestly say I'm not enjoying living. I'm sure like many others I tend to reminisce about just ending it all. Anxiety has taken away the joy of experiencing life for me. I'm unable to have a good time because of it. While everyone around me is experiencing life I'm trapped in my own mind with my tormented thoughts. Constantly being reminded.
I seriously hate waking up in the mornings. I wish i could just sleep and never wake up. I've only been with this disorder for 3 years and i dread the fact that there will many more years of this. It's sad that i can't escape myself because I'm with myself every waking moment.
I try to "live" and "experience" or at least pretend to. I try to be "positive." My subconscious mind just doesn't give a sh*t and continues to be a burden to me constantly reminding me that i have anxiety and to always feel bothered by it.
Coming here to health unlocked has made me realize two things. First I'm not alone in this. And second sadly to say I've realized there's no hope. I'm sorry to say that and don't mean to upset folks with such negative words but i feel it's the truth. We are all on here suffering and expressing our grievances. Looking for a solution that just isn't there.
My mind is my own worst enemy and I truly hate myself for it. I dislike the person I've become towards myself and people in my life. This is just f**king unfair. We have to fend for ourselves because according to the medical industry pills is the only bandaid out there for this. I feel there's no REAL awareness about anxiety and nothing being done to help sufferers with a better solution. That's just my personal opinion. We are left to fend for ourselves and figure it out on our own while non sufferers around remain confused as to why this is happening to us.
I apologize to those who i may have offended in this post it's not my intention and hopefully I didn't violate any community guidelines posting such negative thoughts. I understand this community is for positive support and I'm all for that, and I try to contribute when i can. But other sufferers can relate to my train of thought at the moment.
How can we get past this if our mind doesn't allow it?
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Dnel82
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Hey Dnel82. I'm sorry you're feeling down and the way you do at the moment. I can relate sometimes too. I wish i knew what to say to help. I know it's a struggle.
Benzodiazepines. Nasty and addictive nature, can quickly lead to physical dependence. Very difficult to stop this medication if taken chronically........BUT highly effective for treating YOUR symptoms. I know you don't medicate and I get that....but you've got to get your life back. Youre right that these meds are like bandcaids because the don't heal you, however they can make life manageable if you're in a really bad place like you describe. And based on the what you've described, what do you have to lose???????
You can do yourself a huge favour by buying Hope and Help for Your Nerves by Dr Claire Weekes. There is also audio material out there too.
I’ve been in your shoes and know exactly how that torment feels. I felt no hope of ever recovering and this lady's teachings gave me my life back, along with Paul David who wrote At Last a Life ( anxietynomore.co.uk)
They both advocate acceptance as the way to recover. If you follow their teachings, you WILL recover.
I’ve posted a lot of information on this forum, all of which is based upon those teachings which helped me enormously to overcome horrendous anxiety and all the symptoms that came with it. I also did it without medication, purely by learning and understanding what was happening to me and learning to accept it and see it as a friend that was only trying to protect me. The truth is, it is only trying to protect you...from yourself. You are doing this to yourself by fighting the symptoms and not accepting them which just fuels the fire. You have negative thoughts because you have anxiety. Just let them be there, it’s just nervous energy finding an outlet and needs to escape. Allow it all. Every single bit.
You won’t get better until you stop trying to get better. It’s the trying part that inflicts all that pain. I don’t mean lie in bed all day. It means accepting how you feel and being ok about not feeling ok and moving on with your day, regardless of how you are feeling. It’s tough but things will start to improve bit by bit. Recovery doesnt happen right away because it takes time for your mind and body to heal and for peace of mind and body to return.
It will return, as sure as night follows day because that is our natural default setting. Don't go looking for it, trying to force the issue. Recovery will find you. Have a passive attitude towards all the symptoms. What will be, will be. Do normal stuff and just let yourself think and feel everything and do nothing to try and change it. Doing nothing about it works.
I understand not wanting to depend on Medicine because my whole life I felt like that and attempted suicide 3 times unsuccessful ... until 5 years ago- I was as close as you can get
to death, ... now I’m really gonna share ::: I took 30 Demerol pills and if not for my best friend (who passed away a year on the 20th of this month) I would be dead & it’s a A miracle that I do not have brain damage .. I was 4 breaths per minute. So, u see.... I I know exactly where your at too well & it is a fight every day BUT.... espec when you are not on medication &
the correct medication. I know the feeling of that awful black thought being the first thing that you think of, when you wake up in the morning & it’s like damn it, i f**** woke up -
Now with the proper medication yes I sometimes struggle but nothing at all !!!!! COMPARES ....to the torment I woke up daily with all day, everyday!! And, No, i’m not a physician but I have been where you are right now and my advice is (please please help yourself with this battle ). and go to a psychiatrist or start with your primary care physician —- I promise you it will be worth it, I have witnessed many blessings since that awful day five years ago, & I’m very thankful that I’m here .... Anything for my own self
Hi Dnel82, don't apologise for saying how you feel, I am sure many more of us who suffer from anxiety recognise much of what you have written. I do disagree with you saying that there is no hope! I am getting some really good days, days that I push myself to see the Good out there ,I try to think positive from waking up until I go to sleep. Ok it doesn't always work, I know if I go outside anxiety and panic attacks will follow but I am still trying to push myself to keep going. Yes I have been told that I have PTSD anxiety depression etc etc but I will Never lose Hope as at the end of the day it's Hope that keeps me going! I know sometimes it feels like we are ignored or passed by, by the very people who should be helping us, but they will listen if you are able to say the things that worry you, I have been asked many times " What do you think causes your anxiety attacks?" My answer is always the same "I don't know!" If I knew I would avoid the triggers. Even if you feel there is no hope, come on this site talk (post) what's going on with you and try and read some of the Positive posts how people ARE recovering or are feeling more positive It gives me a Boost when I get all negative ,I have posters on here that feel more like Real friends than the people I know in person. People here Care and show Real Compassion, I hope you find it here like I have.
Do you mind sharing why your anxiety started, you can even message me the reason. Maybe then people can help you. It isn't impossible either to recover but if I'm completely honest with you it sounds to be like you're not facing up to something that needs dealing with or you're suffering a post event issue, which is it.
A lot of what's going on with me/experienced I've expressed in my bio and in most of my posts on my page if you find time to skim through it. But I'm sure it's very similar to what most of us on here are going through.
Yeah I've read it, It gives nothing away. "I suffered an event that lead to me being like this" although I doubt it was just that event but more than likely a few that have been building up over time. You don't have to explain yourself I won't ask you twice.
I've been here for a few year's now. Mainly just to give the odd bit of advice and whatever. When I first joined I couldn't leave my house due to agrophobia, panic and anxiety. 99% of the people here 3 years ago are no longer here and I watched them slowly get better and go back out there. You have a strange attitude to your mental state, it's like it's you against it and it's not a part of you.
Like I say I don't ask twice but good luck with your recovery.
Hey there. I so applaud your openness and honesty. I woke up this morning feeling much the same. Finally i guess i kind of snapped for a few moments because i preceeded to argue and fight with the air around me and whatever adversary should be listening..For me it is satan. I also had a one on one with My God. All in the mist of a heated debate between myself and again whomever should be listening as i was alone. Lots of colorful words and expressions left my mouth..not proud of them, but felt the need to lash out. Funny thing.. this impulse of fight even though directed at no one and nothing in specific seemed to alleviate my anxiety and symptoms for the moment...maybe we need to embrace the fight adrenaline responce as opposed to the flight adrenaline response. In other words in some positive way..regain control as to how our mind and body chooses to respond to this what i call mental and physical torture.
Maybe when we become warriors and act on offense as opposed to defence we can get our life back..I stress in a positive way Fight back..or go ahead and verbally battle it out with the air..not individuals. Lol. Im thinking..boxing martial arts..rachetball..whatever removes this pent up negativity and anger...cuz like you i am fed up..and mad as ****. FIGHT IT.
Btw ..My reply to fight it..i understand is contrary to some of the advice here to embrace it..in many cases that works..for me it hasnt. And i dont have access to meds. As my doctor does not believe in them. For anyone. I think they can help. But that they need to be used responsibly. ONLY AS NEEDED to alleviate those moments of intense overbearing anxiety or panic.
Rolling with the flow, leaves me feeling helpless and a sense of no control. I am strongminded and a person use to having some control over my life..for me letting anxiety lead doesnt work. Each case and individual is different. Its not good to bottle up the righteous anger toward this thief of our peace.
WE need to find a outlet. Some positive way to vent.
The only way to defeat the enemy is to be prepared for battle and fight just as you would if presented with a face to face confrontation. If we where under physical attack, would we embrace it? Or would we fight? We are programmed to be Survivors.
Anxiety is not the enemy. How can it be the enemy when it is designed to protect us from danger and simply doing its job? It has stopped the human race from becoming extinct. If we sense danger, the brain instantly sends messages to your adrenal glands to flood your body with chemicals to prepare you to fight, flee or freeze. It is designed to make you feel very uncomfortable in the face of fear to make you react. If it didn’t do that, your safety would be in danger e.g. being attacked by a wild animal. If you fight the symptoms created by your natural fight/ flight response, your brain still thinks there is a threat so sends more signals to the adrenal glands to pump you full of more chemicals, producing the very symptoms you are....fighting! Fighting keeps you in the fear-adrenalin-fear cycle. The threat is not external. You are the threat, You are doing it to yourself by fighting it. You are fighting with yourself.
If you accept the symptoms and allow them all to be there with zero resistance, you stop fighting and stop sending messages for the brain to raise your anxiety levels. Gradually, your anxiety symptoms subside and fade away.
You say you are a fighter. We are all fighters. Me included. How do you fight a cold or flu? Do you say that you are going to battle with it until it goes? If you broke a bone, would you fight it and poke at it, demanding that it got better? Would that help with the healing process?
The body’s natural healing abilities do it for you, despite your best efforts to fight it. Chronic Anxiety is exactly the same. It’s a nervous illness so recovery works the same way.
If you do want to fight it, fight it by accepting the symptoms and carrying on with your life, regardless of how you feel. Do it all as if you did not have anxiety. Not through gritted teeth but by accepting that you will feel rough for a while. What will be, will be.
I fought it by changing my attitude through knowledge and understanding of how anxiety works. Fighting or resisting the symptoms adds more tension and stress and keeps the nerves sensitised and the reason why you feel very anxious.
Does it seem to you that you have a chemical disorder, rather than a mental or spiritual one? If it's chemical I suggest you try huge doses of vitamin B1. If that calms you down, then start researching vitamin B deficiency and start adding foods such as chicken liver to your diet. However, the body/mind is chemical, mechanical and electrical. All three components need to be satisfied. Exercise is important for the mechanical aspect. For the electrical component you need to get "out of yourself". This can't be done by introspection; you will have to include prayer and helping others. I know a man who volunteers to help his own depression.
I totally relate to every word you wrote. I hate "living in my head " but that's the way it is now.
I have recently tried two drugs . First thing in the morning I take 1/4 to 1/2 tablet of Xanax.(0.25mg) and if things get bad again in the afternoon I take another 1/4 or 1/2 tablet. The Xanax really takes the edge off. I can actually function !
I just started Gabapentin about 1 hour before sleep. I take only 50mg (it doesn't come that low in dosage so I dump out 1/2 of a 100 mg capsule). It is off-label for anxiety and depression, but people have had good results from it. Only started last night - so no report on treatment results. I did sleep really well and was able to get out of bed without my heart racing.
Anxiety is a very hard condition to treat. I have tried other drugs and CBT, but the side effects were too much.
Good luck finding a treatment. You might try some Claire Weeks anxiety/panic videos - she has a few on youtube.
I would like you to know what these thoughts are. I understand that you are "Constantly being reminded" by, as I assume, thoughts. What are you reminded of exactly?
Based on experience, using my intellect has helped me understand my symptoms and how others could help me. I dug deep down into the past to realize the thinking errors I was experiencing. I thought I was long gone just as you seem to feel.
May life return to "normal?" Maybe, maybe not. Maybe you'll have a better life than your normal life (i.e. life without anxiety). I have learned to not seek for symptom relief, but rather peace.
This helped me personally, and I hope it helps you too. Though, I understand if some of this does not resonate with you.
If you need anyone to Private message you can message me, I’ve had many nights feeling the way you do. Sometimes you just need to vent.
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Why can't I just be grateful !
I can't get out of bed in the mornings
Worried so much that I can't focus or sleep
