I am struggling to live each minute- literally each minute
I only sleep a couple of hours each night.
I have lost a lot of weight and look ill
I am married with 2 children. I do not know what to do. My children don’t know. My wife is in denial about the seriousness of it.
I don’t want to be hospitalised- it would kill my children. I don’t want to take my own life- that would be worse. But I feel I am literally wasting away. Stomach in knots. Running on adrenaline and cortisol day and night.
I cannot sleep. I have no ideas left
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PositiveSurvival
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hi,sorry to hear of your illness and the affects its taken on ,have you spoken to anyone else about it and if your losing weight(are you unable to eati I tmust be a medical problem and need to rule out physical side---you seem to be in denial too regarding your mental /physical health and its essential you seek medical help.please let us know how you are and respond further if you can.!
Hello. I just want you to know that I've been where you are now, and it is indeed terrifying and feels utterly hopeless! But there IS hope! If you can possibly muster just a tiny bit more strength, please reach out to someone in a professional capacity - even take yourself to ER. You sound utterly exhausted from the fight, and what you need right now is for someone to take that huge load from you. Being hospitalised won't kill your children - it means that their Dad is being strong and seeking help toward recovery so that he can be there for them, now and in the future. That is a very positive thing to do. If your wife is in denial, taking yourself to somewhere you can get help will show her that you are indeed in need of help - and will open her eyes. I'm guessing that she's just very scared and doesn't know how to help. In this way, you will be taking some of the burden from her and it may well be a relief for her to know that you'll be safe and receiving help. Suicide will only rob you of your existence and the hope of a future with your loved ones, as well as leaving a lasting legacy of heartbreak for them which lasts for the rest of their lifetimes. Be brave - you can do it. Call a cab, take yourself to ER if you really can't ask anyone to take you. There is always hope......Sending much love.💕💕💕
I know how you feel- been there. You are a brave, brave person just getting through each day! A couple of suggestions:
1) Don't worry about the sleep. I've had raging insomnia for incredible lengths of time and the best thing I ever did about it was to stop worrying about it and just get up and putter around. Tell yourself over and over, "Oh good. More time to get some things done." Embrace insomnia. Think of yourself in a grandiose way- all the best creative types are up all night, pacing, pouring out their tortured hearts into their work. The more you embrace your insomnia the more it goes away. I mostly sleep like a baby now because I don't fear insomnia!
2) the insomnia is of course an offshoot of general anxiety. The anxious part of your mind is churning, mulling, ruminating, projecting, forecasting, kicking and screaming. Who can sleep when you're paying attention to all that it's saying? Start practicing ignoring your anxiety- all it shouts, all it screams, all the symptoms it brings. Your anxiety is very distinct and separate from the rest of the mind. You've allowed it to take over. (so did I, so do many- this is an incredibly common mistake). Start seeing it as your protection center gone awry. It's time to tame it. The way to tame it is tricky- but it works. The resources I list on my profile have everything needed to learn how to do this. I do hope you check them out! They are amazing and bring relief, and eventual recovery. Start with dr. Weekes, she's my favorite I listened to her over, over and over again until her messages started to sink in. Once you start viewing all of this correctly, nothing can stop you.
It takes time, patience and practice, but you can start on this incredible journey towards feeling better!! Wishing you all the best
One more thing. You have been to the doc, yes? Doc needs to check basic things if not done already. Thyroid problems can cause all the symptoms you describe, for example.
I was very depressed like you, couldn,t sleep or eat, lost 20 pounds and didn,t want to live, every minute was torture. This was back in 2006. I was put on antidepressants citalopram, it was a long haul to feel more like myself maybe up to 6 months, I took them for 7 years, came off them because of palpitations, I regret but had to, I,ve never sunk to that extent over the past 5 years but have dark days, haven,t had a good nights sleep since just an occasional one. You need help, see your doctor. I feel for you because I,ve been there.
If you live in the United States, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-talk. The center has trained counselors 24/7 who will listen and offer emotional support. The Hotline welcomes all callers not just those who might be suicidal. It's comforting to have someone to talk to when our situation seems hopeless.
PositiveSurvival, when mental health issues become all consuming, it is time to stop self doubting and get the help you need. Going in-patient might be the best thing you could do for yourself and your family. Always better to "walk in" and not be "carried in".
It was the best thing I did for myself when I became overwhelmed and was just existing, not living. I found the time to work on myself, get well and come out a better person with some purpose in life. I hope you choose what's right for you. Good Luck my friend.
I too feel like this, have for over three weeks, valium is helping me at my lowest. Just started taking 10mg citalopram, really struggling. Each day a battle, I have lost lots of weight too, each day I think I'm better and I'm not. The mornings the hardest, I just want to sleep and I cant. You are not alone this must get better. I'm fine by evening, then dread going to bed because of what the morning brings. We will get there, hope you well soon 😊
I was in the same position as you not long ago, not able to eat, hardly sleeping, and at my wits end. I don't have much else to add to what others have said, but thought it might help you to know that once I started to take anti depressants I got a lot better in quite a short time. As well as the anti depressants, I did a course of CBT and I talked and talked. It sounds as though your wife may not be able to offer the support you need, I think you need to find someone to really talk this through with, I found that once I started to share how I felt it suddenly felt that things weren't spiralling out of control and nothing felt quite as bad. It is so hard when you don't sleep, I know it used to make me feel like I couldn't cope, but at the end of the day I did, and I'm pretty sure you will too. If you don't have someone close you can talk to, there are helplines. Don't feel ashamed about using these services , from personal experience the people on the other end of the line are fantastic, and sometimes it is easier to talk to someone who doesn't know you and have expectations. Hope you find the support you need.
Have you spoken with a health care professional? I was where you are now. I felt so hopeless. No one understood. Then I got treatment (am still getting it). What you’re feeling is temporary. Life can be so beautiful. If having anxiety has any silver lining, it is that I am so grateful for normal boring days. Just happy to be feeling good. It is possible for you.
I am really sorry you are feeling this way, I can imagine what you are going through I suffer from anxiety mostly and it leads to bouts of depression,I take Effexor everyday. just know that there are people who care about you and love you and want you to be safe. Is there anyone you can talk to? A close friend, Pastor or a sibling parents , if you don’t have anyone to talk to there is the Crisis Text Line you just Text to 741741 and a trained professional will help . If you feel like you want to harm yourself call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. There is also a great organization that can offer you some free counseling advise and can even refer you to counselors in your area FOTF Counseling Line 1-855-382-5433 Please know they’re others out there that care about you. You will be in my Prayers.
I am glad you are getting some help. they're is a good book by Max Lucado called Anxious For Nothing that has also helped me quite a bit. I also find that Fellowshiping with the other guys at my church also helps me a lot too. here are some references, hope they help. bit.ly/2yc8nk5 still in my prayers my friend.
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I listened to her over, over and over again until her messages started to sink in. Once you start viewing all of this correctly, nothing can stop you.
I feel like i cant go on much longer like this.
I don't think I could feel any lower
Struggling and curious 
Thanks to those who have reached out on my previous post
Advice needed on sleeping pills 
