Struggling and curious

[Anxiety_Aunt_]

Hello all,

First post on here and not sure how it all works but I feel as though I need to vent and ask questions somewhere... I am hoping someone will be able to help or advise in some way or another. It would really mean a lot.

So, I’ve been struggling with anxiety disorder for around 4 years now which has gone from full blown panic attacks the majority of the time, to now no panic attacks as such - just continual worry, self doubt, concerns, over thinking etc. However, the past couple of months have been unbearable. I just can’t seem to function like a normal human being should. I am so overwhelmed constantly by thoughts and worries. My job is very stressful and because of my anxiousness I tense myself up all day despite trying mindfulness throughout the day to try and counteract this affect and loosen myself up.

Therefore I am ending each day in a state of intense pain and also coupled with ongoing anxious thoughts, mind racing and I just feel like I can’t stop, relax or be myself anymore. I feel like I’m constant anxiety patrol to try different ways to relax and stop thinking rather than having conversations, fun etc with my boyfriend or friends after work.

I have recently been diagnosed with depression but tried taking citalopram with unpleasant instant side effects. I have been prescribed sertraline this week but I am too scared to take it after the effects the citalopram had. I just feel like I am running out of options of how to live a normal life. All I can think is, if this is how I’m going to be for the rest of my life, I don’t want to live it. And I do desperately want to snap out of that feeling. I used to be so happy and bubbly and I miss the old me.

Any thoughts or guidance, tips etc would be so greatly received x

[seaShelly]

Your story sounds just like mine. I have always had some low level of depression but a few years ago I got hit with panic attacks suddenly. I didn't know that it was panic, I just truly felt something horrible was about to happen. Each time it came on, I thought this time it is really a different problem. I went to the ER several times swearing I was about to die. After about 4 times I was finally able to convince myself going forward that I was just panicking and didn't need to go to the ER.

Anyway- Just like you I initially tried a different medicine (happened to be sertraline actually lol) and I had a bad reaction - it made my anxiety spike, basically it gave me a panic attack!! (Physical symptoms - shortness of breath, heart racing, body shakes . I wasn't emotionally anxious but it was showing up physically). I told my Dr no way I'm taking that again. She told me all SSRI are likely to cause that initially and to take a Xanax next time. (Would have been nice to know this ahead of time...) But I was too scared to try the sertra again so she gave me Lexapro 5mg. I took it and same thing happened. I took a Xanax and within 20 min I felt much better. Continued this for about a week. Around day 7 I finally noticed I didn't get a panicked feeling anymore. After being on Lexapro for a few weeks I had a huge improvement in not panicking or worrying about silly things. I had a HUGE fear of eating something that would cause me a major allergic reaction so I only ate foods I deemed "safe". Which were very few things. This sounds nuts but that is what anxiety does to me. After 2 years I finally ate my first piece of fruit. And I wasn't worried for once. I'm not 100% better - still worry.about some things, have some physical anxiety symptoms, but I never moved up to the 10mg adult dose because I didn't want to push the ssri so hard bc they have sexual side effects. 🙄 I'm willing to deal with some anxiety I guess. But it is a big improvement I feel and all you need is to find the right antidepressant and give it a few weeks.

[Anxious2befree in reply to seaShelly]

Wow the food thing is exactly me as I only eat foods I deem safe. How do you get your head around it. Sounds crazy but I know what that is like.

[seaShelly in reply to Anxious2befree]

Fortunately that was one thing that was miraculously better after a few weeks on Lexapro. I still have some foods that I will not eat, mainly if I have never eaten it before, and nothing spicy because I don't like it and it makes me nervous that I can't feel my throat lol .

[Anxiety_Aunt_ in reply to seaShelly]

Thank you for your reply glad something has worked somewhat for you eventually - I guess I need to bite the bullet and brave taking something again. I just can’t hack the thought of being as ill as I was and potentially having to call in work ‘sick’ and make up something because I don’t want to admit I’m having a bad reaction to an antidepressant!

[Anxious2befree]

You sound like me I'm struggling myself and are not working at the moment due to it all. Have you seen a psychologist? I'm finding mine very helpful to help get me back on track. Stay strong X

[Anxiety_Aunt_ in reply to Anxious2befree]

Thank you for your reply I’m going to go back to the doctors once I’ve been brave enough to try these sertraline tablets - see if they make any difference (good or bad) and ask for more support. Can’t see how much tablets will help the psychological side of how I’m feeling. I’m also worried I’ll end up not being able to cope with work too. Last week I was crying on the way in, did some work from home and burst out crying - I need to get hold of it before i feel like it gets hold of me completely. Good to hear a psychologist is working for you. Really good to hear. Reassuring that it may also help for me if I can access it too.