This is my first time posting on here, but after lots of googling, I need some one on one advice from people who can help me change and people who’re feeling the same & can also gain some peace from whatever replies I get.
So, back in 2016 after a series of misfortunes, I had a breakdown & suffered from multiple panic attacks & unfortunately developed anxiety from this, this resulted in me not being able to leave the house, walk the dogs around the block, get in a car or see my friends, I overcame this by pushing myself little by little & having private therapy. I still get nervous about lots of things, I still can’t go on trains & I’m not comfortable being a passenger in cars.
But in 2017, after working for overweight & overpaid abusive men, I bravely quit my job in December without a job to go to & didn’t work for 2 months, this was hard as I beat myself up overthinking “this is my time to make a change!” But in the end, after many interviews, I got a full time job, paying the same as my previous job in admin.
But every single day I feel so desperate to change my life, I feel like I have this burning fire in my chest, desperate to be released and help me develop into a better version of myself, but honestly I have no idea how to make the first change ..
I hate my body, I have always had a great metabolism so have relied on that to remain slim, but I hate how pale and skinny I am, I don’t have boobs at all either & I’m just so self conscious sometimes I feel like I can’t leave the house and face the world. I know if I want to change my body, I need to work on it, but I’m unmotivated to do it & I have IBS, which affects me, but again, unmotivated and or lazy to change my diet.
I hate my job & not knowing what to do, I’m conflicted as to what I want to do with my life, I want to be happy in my career but I also need to earn enough money as I want the nice things in life, like a house in the country, with dogs and enough money to be stable (maybe a pool, maybe not). All I’ve done since I started work is flit from job to job, I started out in retail to office work and I strongly dislike both of them.
I haven’t ever been on a plane either .. I don’t even know where to start with that, but I’m deeply ashamed of this as everyone goes on holidays and travels and I can’t even get on a train.
I haven’t been on a date in a couple of years, haven’t had sex for longer, I’ve been on a dating app just to dip my toe in, but it’s terribly boring which is fine as it isn’t for everyone. Men are attracted to me, but I always say I’m not interested, probably because I’m shy and insecure these days.
I just need some guidance, I need help, how do I change my life & see places outside of my hometown in which I live and work (hate myself for this too, that people go all over the country to do fun things & I don’t, I can because I can drive, but I don’t and I don’t know why I just do it!?) but anyway, I need some serious advice ..
Thanks in advance!