Diffrent!

[Benny3221]

I am sad, confused, and lost. I am Diffrent the kind of Diffrent that'll get you ostracized and ignored. I walk the streets alone and wonder if anyone truly cares. I pray to God day and night only to have my prayers unanswered and fall on deaf ears. I wish I was never born because all I've ever known and seen is suffering, sadness, and sorrow. They say being an empath is a gift, but I'm drowning and suffocating from all the people's feelings that I feel. I just want to close my eyes and drift away so that I can escape this hell we call earth. Maybe if I continue to be a good person god will make me normal in my next life, but until then ill have to buckle up tight and weather the storm.

[ImHere_Again]

Hey Benny hang in there. I have felt that way before,too. I just wanted to go to sleep and asked God to take me with him because I didn't want to suffer anymore. I told myself that if that happens I would cause pain to the little people that do care about me and I don't want to do that. I'm still trying to figure everything out myself. I just take it day by day. You are dey not alone with those feelings. There are many people on this site that feel exactly the same way. Best wishes for you Benny <3

[Benny3221 in reply to ImHere_Again]

Thanks for the kind words, but I’m afraid I’m slipping deeper into the abyss....been fighting for over a decade with ostracism, hate, discrimination, and mental illnesses my only hope is plastic surgery!

[Darling_Me]

I'm sorry you have to go through is and if I'm of any help I say you should turn to family when you're feeling this way, and Tell yourself every day that you matter and that you are a great person, and you can do whatever you put your mind to.

[Benny3221 in reply to Darling_Me]

I’ve tried literally everything plastic surgery is my only hope and it might just help me stop or lessen my anxiety the only problem is I’m poor.

[b1b1b1]

How are you different?

[Benny3221 in reply to b1b1b1]

I can’t pinpoint what exactly but it’s either being ugly or my facial features:/

[Krazie]

Benny, I have always felt different, too. I think that if we have gone through trauma as children or young person, before we have had an opportunity to find who we are, then we feel different. We experienced things we should never have had to know.

These are some things I did. First I went to counseling, and found a counselor with whom I could relate. This took a few years of searching. One of the things I learned in counseling was that we need to learn to love ourselves. I did that through self-talk. I would wrap my arms around myself, give big hugs, and tell myself how much I was worth (more diamonds than exist). I would tell myself I am a good person, that had bad things happen. I soothed myself. At first, it did feel really silly, but then I began to notice that I felt a little better about myself, and a little better as time went on. I did a lot of other things in counseling during this time. Slowly, I began to realize that I am different, different in very unique ways that no one else has. It is all a part of what makes me who I am. Now I like being different. Okay, that is a condensed version, but I hope you get my meaning.

[Benny3221 in reply to Krazie]

Thanks a bunch for the couraging words, but my root problems is that I have something on my face which repels a lot of people and without money to help me with plastic surgery I’m ******!

[Darryl Partner]

Not to sound flippant But your differentness might find validation and friendship via instagram. May I suggest you embrace yourself and post selfpotraits

[Benny3221 in reply to Darryl]

I have tried many times to embrace myself, but it ain’t working. I’ve tried meds, self-acceptance, positive affirmations, doctors, exercise, diet, therapy, etc.. this battle has been going on for nearly a decade and I’m beat. I honestly don’t think people hate me personally it’s just they find it really hard to look at my face . I need ideas or help from someone anyone for funds so I can do plastic surgery. I don’t think I can show my face too traumatized and scared from the onslaught of rejections I’ve endured.

[lorianxiety in reply to Benny3221]

hi Benny,I know all the posts were 4months ago including yours,how are you Today-and has anything changed -if not and its financial help you need try working on yourself as you say you did accept and treat yourself as the most important person--child/love--------accepting is the way to recovery and im sure your counsellor indicates -whether real or imaginary--in your case its real and a huge obstacle.hope you see this and that your ok,and that your life feels better.

[Krazie]

I simply cannot image that your face is that bad. I have never seen an ugly person. Were you born with some sort of deformity? Were you in an accident that left you disfigured? Exactly what part of your face needs plastic surgery? Sorry for so many questions. I just can't figure this one out.

I have a daughter whose nose is rather large for the area we are in. We live in a section of the country that has a lot of Scandinavian immigrants. Their noses are quite small. As a result, my daughter had her nose pointed out to her often as she was growing up, even teased about it . She developed this complex about her nose, and is always talking about how she wants plastic surgery. The kicker is that she is a very beautiful woman. Her nose fits very well in her face, now. But it doesn't matter how often or who tells her how beautiful she is, she believes she is ugly.

[Benny3221 in reply to Krazie]

I can’t bel I’m saying this but for me I have rather large lips and I’m a mouth breather also:/ ......I know wtf right, but apparently ppl are making a huge deal out of it. The thing is I know that I’m not going to be able to please everyone but because my bullies made me miserable for it every time we cross which is everyday at my work place I begging to believe I’m ugly and that’s how my anxiety developed.....it sucks that bullies ruined my self esteem and messed it up for others who are accepting of me because I’m extremely insecure now:/ I need jaw surgery which I think my insurance might cover since it’s medical then on to my lips:/

[Krazie in reply to Benny3221]

Large lips? I, personally, have always liked large lips. They are so much more beautiful to me. For every person that doesn't like something, there is another person who does. I used to breathe through my mouth, when I had terrible sinus problems from allergies. I learned how to manage the allergies, so the sinus issues decreased. Then I had to retrain myself to keep my mouth closed, and breathe through my nose.

If your insurance will pay for jaw surgery, there must be a medical reason. When do you plan to have it done?

You have bullies at your workplace? That is a very childish and cruel way for adults to behave. Have you discussed this problem with your supervisor? Your supervisor should be able to stop it. If not, I would go to the next person in command, until a solution is found. People should not have to go to work, and be made to feel miserable.

[Krazie]

Benny, I didn't say it before, but i am so glad you shared more with us about why you feel as you do. It's a rough road to walk, when mean, inconsiderate people choose you as their target. i always felt that the mean ones have a much bigger problem than anyone else.

I hope things have gone better for you these past couple of days! I have been thinking of you.