Detached and feel like I'm going crazy

[Suebi]

First time I have posted I've had what I think is Depersonisation since July last year , the anxiety is unrelenting especially early morning . I also feel like I'm about to lose the plot when I feel so detached from myself , any one else feel the same ?

[Hateanxiety]

Hi, I suffer with anxiety and panic disorder as well as depersonalizatin and derealization. On a daily basis I go through feeling as if I am not a real person at times. I constantly look around and nothing looks real to me,it's like I'm dreaming or watching life through a glass wall and I'm not part of it even when I'm talking to people. The people I talk to don't seem like the are really there. My doctor says it is symptoms of anxiety and had me on citalopram 10 mg but she upped it to 20mg yesterday, I have only been on the meds for 2weeks so the depersonalization and derealization hasn't let up yet but I'm hopeful. They say to give the meds at least 4 weeks so I am.

[Suebi in reply to Hateanxiety]

Hi hate anxiety thanks for your reply how long have you been suffering. I've just popped to our local shop had a conversation with the assistant and didn't feel as though it was me talking , this really is enough to drive you crazy.

[Hateanxiety in reply to Suebi]

I have been suffering 8 months with anxiety and panic disorder,I've been suffering with the depersonalization and derealization for 2 months but I just started medication 2 weeks ago. I promise your not going crazy,I told the same thing and got so upset, when I went o my doctor yesterday I started cry and telling her I didn't want to go crazy and end up in a mental ward like so many others in my family. She told me the feeling as though I am going crazy is just a symptom of the anxiety. I know how you feel,I play with my children and I know for sure they have to be there because I see them and am talking to them but at the same time it feels as thought it's not really happening. Yes I'm nervous that the meds won't work but I'm trying to be hopeful that they will,that I can get my life back,feel and see that I'm real and the world is real again.

Heather

[Suebi in reply to Hateanxiety]

Hi Heather , I saw my doctor yesterday she says like yours this feeling of detachment from yourself is anxiety and overthinking ! I started in July last year with depression and anxiety but I lost my mom in March and had some health problems retired from work which my doctor says is the reason for feeling like this. She prescribed citalaprom for me but so far I've tried to do without , I'm afraid of the side effects and they can have an adverse effect on the anticoagulants I'm on for life.

Sue

[Hateanxiety in reply to Suebi]

I haven't had and side effects only citalopram except headaches the first week and being exhausted but that went away so now I am just waiting for the dp and Dr to go hopefully. My doctor said I most likely have aways had so sort of anxiety from a child because of lots of trauma in my childhood ,then other things I had to go through the older I got. She say's the anxiety just hit its breaking point 8 months ago where my brain was like "I can take it anymore,I need a break"

[Suebi in reply to Hateanxiety]

Yes from what I've read about it trauma seems to be the thing that sets it off. The only trouble is these feeling cause us more anxiety which in turn makes the Dp worse. Are you in the uk I'm in the West Midlands .

[Hidden in reply to Suebi]

Sue

My husband takes celexa like u and does very well on it. In my thoughts and prayers

Daniella

[Suebi in reply to Hidden]

Hi Daniella Has he got the same symptoms ?

[Hidden in reply to Suebi]

Hi Suebi

No He didn't think so but i could tell he did as his father abused him as a child. Before celexa he was not in the zone and now i see he is. Give celexa a lil time. I'm here for u

Daniella

[olivejane]

I’ve struggled with this as well. It can be scary but it always subsides. You’re not alone!!

[Suebi in reply to olivejane]

Thanks olivejane it's the not feeling like yourself , loss of sense of self that I find the worst symptom . How long since you had it ?

[olivejane in reply to Suebi]

I started getting the waves of feeling that way a few weeks ago. I tried tapering off meds-I’ve sense discussed it with my dr and am going back on -with the goal of transitioning to different meds instead of being totally off SSRI. For me the derealization comes in waves throughout the day. Sometimes I am fine and really connected. Other times I feel so loopy like the world is moving beyond my reach and I’m at the end of a tunnel. I find leaning into it and becoming mindful of the feeling has helped. Have you ever used the DARE app or read the book? I’ve found it helpful.

[Suebi in reply to olivejane]

I've downloaded a sample of it a couple of days ago onto my kindle , haven't had a chance to start reading it yet. I have downloaded Clare weekes book and Paul David's at last a life which I found ok. Like you some days it's worse than others , but it stops you getting on with normal life.

[olivejane in reply to Suebi]

I got halfway through Claire weekes book. It had great info my i got a little caught up in the outdated language. The DARE book is updated and easier to apply. The app is great!! It’s free and there are some great guided audio to get you through panic attacks, General anxiety, and when you feel like giving in. I’ve really liked it and used it

[Suebi in reply to olivejane]

Yes I felt the same about her book the electroconvulsive treatment put me off !!!!! I'll download the app , I don't get panic attacks ( I used to years ago ) mine is general anxiety mainly first thing in a morning about 5 am I don't sleep well at all. After working all my life I looked forward to the day I could have a lie in - no chance with this anxiety.

[olivejane in reply to Suebi]

I’d give the app a try. There is a panic attack section but other audio options too

[Suebi in reply to olivejane]

Is it on the App Store . I've just looked and it's not there, I'm in the uk .

[Suebi in reply to Suebi]

Found it and downloaded ,thanks

[Dontpanicjule]

Hi Suebi, I, too, suffer from anxiety and depersonalization. I find when I am with people and exercising it's not so bad. I have read many articles, books, websites, etc., an this is definitely a symptom of anxiety. You are not going crazy, I can assure you of that, but it is a lousy feeling. One of the most helpful things I have read is to try to go about your daily routine and live along side it, knowing it doesn't last forever. I always feel better in the evening and love to watch the sun go down. Very peaceful. It is hard for me to get into my therapist because she is a professor and has her therapy practice on the side, but i will see her on Monday evening. Hang tough. THis too shall pass with time, patience and reassurance. Don't suffer in silence. Talk to people about it, particularly in therapy, and ask your doctor about an antidepressant that won't interfere with your anticoagulants.

You wil be ok, Suebi, just hang in. TIme is a great healer, and so is talking to other people.

Warm regards,

Julie

[Suebi in reply to Dontpanicjule]

Hi Julie thanks for your lovely reply , yes I find I am so much better in the evening but mornings are a killer , anxiety and Dp kicks in around 5am every morning . I do have a therapist but she doesn't seem to know what I'm talking about !! I don't think all phycologists recognise the problem. How long have you had symptoms ? I'm almost a year down the line ,I've had a few days where I have actually been symptom free but they always come back. I'm afraid there isn't a anti depressant that doesn't have some interaction with my anticoagulant and I'm too scared to take the risk of a potential bleed ( extra to what the anticoagulant can ).

Sue

[Dontpanicjule]

Sue, you're right. I had a very good psychiatrist from the University of Pennsylvania and she knew exactly what I had. Not depression, but panic caused by DP. I would voice my fears to her that I would end up in mental hospital, and she would laugh. She told me I was on the very mild end of the anxiety spectrum. There was no way I was ever going to be admitted into a hospital. The depersonalizations comes from trying to block out feelings. It's actually a self-protective mechanism, but ends up being rough because it takes over all your thoughts and makes you frightened that you will be this way forever.

I have had it off and on for about 6 years. I have had some very good periods. It all started when my daughter got pregnant with my first grandson. She had a tough time giving birth, the baby became compromises, she was in again for 36 hours and I was about to lose my mind. He is now 6 years old and the joy of my life. But then she got pregnant again, right away. I thought "oh no," what fresh hell are we in for this time? And it did turn into a very tough pregnancy with severe pre-eclampsia. She survived, the baby had to be taken early, and my nerves were once again shot. He is also another joy of my life.

She went onto birth control and I thought, thank God, no more babies. She got pregnant again on an IUD! I was in disbelief, so was she...so was her obstetrician. He is now 3 years old and absolutely perfect!!!!!. My nerves, however, aren't.

I use an app called Don't Panic Now which helps some, and I also use a breathing machine called a Resperate which also helps when I hyperventilate. All in all, I control things better, but it still stinks. I have hope that it wil leave me again soon. In fact, I know it will.

ANd it will for you, too. Please keep in touch. I love talking to you. Hugs and peace coming your way. Julie

[Dontpanicjule in reply to Dontpanicjule]

P.S. Sue, with the last pregnancy she got her tubes tied!!!!!!!!

[Suebi in reply to Dontpanicjule]

Hi Julie , I'm sure it's caused by trauma , I had blood clots in both lungs in Feb 16 and for 12 months I lived in absolute terror I would have more so my health anxiety was through the roof. I took voluntary redundancy from a fairly stressful job ( which I didn't want to but my health dictated otherwise) in Jan 2017 then my mom died suddenly in March 2017 . I thought I was dealing with it all until July 2017 and I went into depression and bad anxiety , and Dp . It's so scary feeling as if you have lost your sense of self . I agree with you about grand children we are blessed with Kate who is 21 and staying with us tonight, her brother is 17 these are my daughters children and my son has a 4 year old Beau and Niamh who is 9 so we have the best of both worlds . We adore them all and certainly keep me going forward. I note you are in America I'm in central England where we are having a glorious heatwave at present. Although at 31 degrees it's a bit too warm. Are you on messenger ?

[Dontpanicjule in reply to Suebi]

Hi Sue, just checking in. It's late there in the U.K. And I hope you are blissfully asleep. Very hot here. It makes me feel trapped. I really don't like it.

I ordered a new book today called "DARE" from Amazon. Supposed to be a new technique for anxiety. We'll see and I'll keep you posted.

My husband is suffering from a bad back. I will put him into an epsom jacuzzi tonight and give him NSAIDS. Too much golf. He was the American President of a British Company based in Birmingham called Severn Trent. Don't know whether you have ever heard of them. I was fortunate enough in those days before anxiety hit to make several trips with him to London while he went on to Birmingham. My goal is to come back to England one day, with divine intervention to give me the strength.

Your family sounds lovely. We must remember to be grateful for all we have, even after all you've been through. Blood clots in the lungs are apparently very common. I know of many, many people who have had them and are perfect now. Losing one's mother is a different story. Mine will be 89 in July and it is a cause of great concern for me, although she is still in excellent health. I know you must miss her tremendously.

We spend Winters in Florida and have a lovely home there across from the mighty Atlantic Ocean. Anxiety knows no difference between prosperous or poor. I still suffer.

Many hugs and good thoughts, Julie

[Suebi in reply to Dontpanicjule]

Hi Julie

Not that late for me ists just past midnight and it's so hot unable to sleep. Severn Trent are based just a few miles from us we are in Dudley about 9 miles from Birmingham . My mom was 94 and I know people say it was a great age but oh how I miss her . I lost my dad 17 years ago and although I'm 65 I feel like a child who's hankering after their parents. Are you on face book and messenger and we can chat ?

Sue

[Dontpanicjule in reply to Suebi]

Sue, Now hopefully you are asleep! I am not on Facebook, but I will look into Messenger. I have never heard of it before

[Suebi in reply to Dontpanicjule]

Email me on [e-mail] if that's ok with you

[Hateanxiety]

HI suebi,sorry I am late getting back with you. I had to go to my doctors for a medication update, it was to see how I am responding to the meds. No I do not leave in the UK,wish I did,it's beautiful there. I am from down south,Georgia to be exact. Anyway, my doctor upped my celexa to 20mg now, I had blood work done 2 weeks ago and just got the results back and all of my vitamins are low so they started me on a lot of different ones plus a multi vitamin. My blood work also showed that I have a cholesterol disorder that was genetically passed down so got med for that,as new media for my Gerd and meds to help sleep because of my insomnia. With all that going on I had family matters that needed my attention, but I do hope you are well. How is the medication doing you? My doctor wants me to take the 20mg now for 2 weeks and go back to see if any improvements. God I hope so, all I am at the moment is exhausted.

[Suebi in reply to Hateanxiety]

Hi heather hope u r feeling ok on the 20mg , you are so right about being exhausted mentally it's so tough . My cholesterol is up but blood tests show I also have elevated thyroid antibodies which may require treatment . Don't need anything else. I had a fairly good day yesterday but back to square one again today . Do you find you go up and down ?

Sue

[Hateanxiety in reply to Suebi]

Hi Sue,I find that my mood goes up and down but everything else stays the same. I'm doing okay on the 20mg as in I haven't had any bad reactions but it hasn't helped yet. I'm back to the headaches and tired a lot but the doctor said that is expected, I also have a vitamin deficiency so that has a lot to go with the tiredness. I go back to the doctor the 16th to see if I have any improvements with the meds, God I pray I do because if not they want to talk about Benzos and I am not taking those due to they are habit forming.

[Suebi in reply to Hateanxiety]

Hi Heather I will be interested in hearing how you get on with the increase in citalaprom . I'm afraid I have refused any sort of benzos as they are supposed to be so addictive. I hope you get some relief from these horrible symptoms . Take care

Sue

[Hidden]

I feel like I may be experiencing depersonalization as well but I'm not quite sure what it is? Could you describe your experiences with it? What do you do when you are feeling this way?

[Hateanxiety in reply to Hidden]

Toddt2, I personally have the experiences of feeling as though the world around me is like a dream or movie that I am watching,like everything around me is unreal. I also feel as though I myself as a person and non existent, like I feel as though I'm not myself. Some people have only one or both,for myself it is both. I hope that helps, if not please let me know and I will answer and questions you have.

Heather

[Hidden in reply to Hateanxiety]

Like watching yourself in a movie maybe?

[Suebi in reply to Hidden]

Hi toddt2 sorry for late response , like heather I feel as though I have lost my sense of self . Spacey and not altogether with it also the anxiety is very high.

[Hidden in reply to Suebi]

Thank you Suebi! I haven't been diagnosed with this, I guess I didn't realize it was related to my anxiety

[Suebi in reply to Hidden]

What are your symptoms ?

[Hidden in reply to Suebi]

I have social anxiety. Sometimes when I am talking with people I am not engaged in the conversation at all. Not even thinking about what I am saying. Like watching myself talk to someone.

[Hateanxiety in reply to Hidden]

HI toddt2,sometimes it's like your talking to people but wondering if you actually are talking to people or just talking to your self because it feels unbelievable that they are really there with you.

[Hidden in reply to Hateanxiety]

How do you cope or deal with such a thing?

[Hateanxiety in reply to Hidden]

I am personally taking citalopram and hydroxyzine,they are both used for anxiety and depression. I have been on the citalopram for 3 weeks today and started taking the hydroxyzine 3 days ago. I take the hydroxyzine when I have a panic attack and 15mins later I'm able to calm down. Usually my days are horrible and hard to handle but the past 2 days haven't been bad,I've been able to do things with my husband and children that I usually wouldn't be able to. I am able to sleep much better,the past 2 days I have only have depersonalization and derealization 1 at a time,like yesterday I only felt like I wasn't real but everything around me felt real. Today I feel real but things around me don't.

[Hidden in reply to Hateanxiety]

That's a very strange and complex things to have to deal with!

[Hateanxiety in reply to Hidden]

Yes it is.

[Suebi]

Yes totally understand what you are saying , awful feeling.