I'm I going crazy 😫

[Danielleapet]

Hi where do I start well in the last 18mths Iv had a baby couldn't return to work due to my mom been ill (she was going to have my little boy) so became a stay at home mom which is the hardest job in the wold .. I'm 35 Iv feel like Iv gone from having a good job my own money to just been a mom now I love my little boy so so much I have a loving husband and two other children to a previous relationship but the last 6mths Iv been feeling very lonely it's just me and my baby all day everyday and about 4 mths ago When I went out or drove anywhere I'd started feeling shaky, heart racing, dizzy, feeling like I'm going to die crash my car etc etc it's like a go into a bubble and it's just me and how I feel I drive home not knowing how Iv even got home in one piece get in and feel safe so this Iv been having a few times a week if I know Iv got to drive somewhere I can't sleep for panicking about it but now this week I don't even feel safe in my own home Iv got a knot in my belly 24/7 I don't want to be on my own with my little boy I'm scared I have an attack and he's not cared for propley because I'm in such a state been to doctors he gave me propanalol 10mg 3 times a day I just feel crazy like I'm taking to myself in my head all the time thinking I'm going to die and leave my kids without a mom etc it's horrible and want it to stop this week has been the worst ever was fine last week happy calm but this week completely the opposite anyone else suffer like this ?

[RyRywifey]

hey, I'm so sorry you are feeling like this, it's like self torture. I know first hand because it happened to me. In 2015, I was perfectly normal, happy, never worried about anything, just living and happy. Then Sept of 2015, my bf at the time that I was extremely close to, accidentally totaled my car, he previously totaled his as well so we only had mine to use, because of that I had no way to work so I lost my job, he left me, the I had no way to take my daughter to school so began homeschooling and became a stay at home mom, couldn't afford rent so had to move in with mom but she was never home to give me any time to myself from my little girl, and when she was home she would get intoxicated and we would fight constantly. But I had a marijuana induced panic attack on Nov of 2015 and haven't been the same since. I already felt like my world was crashing down and maybe I was slipping into depression, everyday I felt impending doom like something bad was gonna happen and I would feel so nauseous and knotted stomach s and be so sad and fearful of leaving my daughter without me. I lost like 20lbs in one month because I couldn't eat, I developed Derealization.... smh it was awful... so awful... I didn't know what was happening to me. I thought I was losing my mind... since then, my daughters father and I have been trying to work things out (he's not the ex that totaled my car) me and my daughter have relocated to a new state, I'm still a stay at home mom and still homeschool. I love being with my little one all the time but sometimes need a little time to myself In which her father doesn't really help, but things are not as dark as they were and I'm still stuck in the same state of mind. With all the racing negative fearful thoughts, feelings of impending doom..smh.. so you're not alone at all.

[Danielleapet in reply to RyRywifey]

Hi Hun just needed to chat to someone I'm having a real bad day I just feel exhausted, lost ,down, fear of going crazy think I am going crazy constant knot in my belly fear I'm going to get locked up away from my family for feeling like this I'm so scared 😔

[RyRywifey]

Sorry so long, you don't have to read all of my venting but seeing a therapist helped me so it may really help you. I stopped because I relocated but I'm looking into another one where I live now. My therapist in my old city diagnosed me with anxiety/panic disorder, depression and PTSD... I'm no expert but your symptoms sound so familiar to mine so I can only guess that we may have some condition in common.. feel free to message me anytime if you need to vent or chat. And I really hope you feel better 💕

[Danielleapet in reply to RyRywifey]

Hi RyRy and thank you so much for replying to my message I feel like I'm not alone and others are going through the same or have been through the same situation and yes after reading your situation I do sound very similar I did go to see my doctor the other day he said he'd like to start me on propanolol then go back in two weeks of I'm not feeling any better I just wish I could switch this feeling off wouldn't wish it on anyone 😞 But really does help talking to others who have experienced the same things see my husband just don't understand as there's nothing for me to be stressed about etc and I am happy I love him to prices we have a lovely life / family but for some reason I just feel like this racing crazy thoughts panic thinking I'm going crazy .. Came across this websight last night when I count sleep so glad I found it talking to people who understand and thank you so much for your advice 💗😘 xx

[RyRywifey in reply to Danielleapet]

I'm happy you have a lovely life, that's very supporting. My daughters father listens to me and tries his hardest to understand but he really doesn't but I do have his support. He tries to help me in every way. It's a terrible terrifying thing to go through and can feel isolated and lonely at times because you live in your head so much. But you're not going crazy at all. You just have symptoms of anxiety and or depression and it may have come from when you left your job and became a stay at home mom. That's a big change and adjustment. This is such a good community, it has helped me sooooooo much. So you're in the right place. Welcome to the family ❤

[Danielleapet in reply to RyRywifey]

Thank you so much feel so much better for talking to you thanks for taking the time to listen and reply back to me your a star 😘 Xx