Helping husband with severe anxiety/OCD

[nina121]

I'm certain that my husband suffers from anxiety disorder or OCD or combination of both. I saw several self-help books in his collection on this topic. he refuses to seek help. we spoke and argued about it several times. He is a very intelligent, sensitive and caring person. I'm very supportive and I love him so much, I hate to see him suffer. what can I do to get him to seek help? He refuses to acknowledge that something is wrong. Although (given his book collection I know that realises he's got anxiety disorder). He has diagnosed himself with tens of physical illnesses (usually it turns out that nothing is really wrong) but refuses to address the mental ones. I tell him that it's his anxiety that is causing all the physical symptoms. his argument is that he knows how to fix his life and make things better, but there is always something new that needs fixing.

I'm a very chilled out person but I feel his anxiety is leaving me in a constant anxious state myself. I want to help him and get him to try CBT (he is anti-medication). we argue, I cry, he feels bad, promises to seek help then does nothing.

[Hidden]

Nina121 I know you care for him alot and want to help him. But you really can't force him to seek help if he doesn't want to. Just be there for him, support him as best as you can. Try not to take it personal when he goes through his moments. My anxiety and depression started last year, before that I never ever suffered from this. It started because of my boyfriend, he suffers from anxiety and depression and I honestly think he's a bit bipolar as well and I really do think his condition got to me. The constant shutting down from him the uncertainty of how the next day will be, it really affected me, that's why I tell you try not to take it too personal and let it get to you. I know it's hard because he is your partner and you want what's best for him. But you will drive yourself straight into depression. Maybe you can try and review the books he has with him for a natural at home treatment like meditation.

[nina121 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Swan0101, I appreciate your reply and I understand. He's not aware that I've seen these books, he doesn't want to share that side with me. Despite my efforts at assuring him that I love him I think he's worried that if he admits to a mental disorder I'd see him as broken or something...maybe I should look for books on how to support someone with anxiety.

I did though suggest meditation, he's just not convinced that anything can help. he dismisses any suggestion by saying that he doesn't have time, and focuses on fixing the issue. but life is full of issues! something else always comes up, a missed train can result in a meltdown.

I'm just worried that if he doesn't seek help, his condition will get worse, he doesn't sleep worrying over things, I worry he might get a heart attack one day because of this constant stress. He seems to just want to shut everything and everyone out. Do you think it's best that I stop mentioning seeing his GP (I only suggest that after his major breakdowns when I feel lost as what to do) and just let him deal with his issues his way?

[Hidden in reply to nina121]

I think that would be best for now. We don't want to make him more anxious. Focus on supporting him. Read some materials on how you can do this. Alot of people don't like meds, I personally don't like them at all. Many people prefer to handle their anxiety in more natural ways.

[Alun001 in reply to Hidden]

Hi there, I guess the problem here is that he can't find his own solution. With super intelligent people they seem to think they can work stuff out, but often their intelligence is blocking their Emotional Intelligence.

He needs to find the solution in his creative brain not his rational logical one. When things are calm, just a casual remark like- if you could find the answer through thinking about it, you would have done it by now ( this satisfies ego ).

Followed by - perhaps there's something to explore in the subconscious mind, which might answer it? ( gives an avenue of exploration, diversionary thinking and self empowerment)

Let the seeds be planted and give it a few weeks!

Peace!