most of the time i feel like im ok , but not fulfilled . Like im not living fully . Something is always there , thats holding a part of me back . Even if do something or engage in any activity , its like i cant fully enjoy it , like i cant experience satisfication and joy to a level at which im contented.
For example , if i play a video game , i might enjoy a bit , but it will just feel like plain after a while . Im not saying i am depressed ,but im plain most of the time. if i look back at everyday , for instance take yesterday , i feel like it wasnt a bad day , but it wasnt a day i can say was very enjoyable . Like it is just a day i got through without anxiety . I want to live to the fullest , but theres some part of me that doesnt allow
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Illboy
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I know how you feel, the plain feeling. I call it blah. It's like your going through the motions but without the emotions involved. That can be a sign of depression because depression is not just sadness, it can feel like plain too. Have you talked to a counselor or any kind of professional? Or your parents, since I see your 17. It's good that you are reaching here too, that is a good step in the right direction. I hope you feel better soon. Life is a journey....things will get better, try to stay positive. Love and light to you.
Hi Illboy, it's not depression as much as it is boredom. You're not getting any satisfaction out of what you are doing. You need to find something that gives you self fulfillment. You need to challenge the part of you that doesn't allow you to live life to the fullest.
More than a hobby, you need a purpose, a reason for waking up each day and accomplishing something. Nothing gives us a high as much as doing things worth while in this life. At 17, you should be able to find a part time job. That will not only allow you to make a little money but not feel so "plain". By doing something constructive, you feel good about yourself. It's just small step but in the right direction. Playing a video game or engaging in an activity will mean more after giving of yourself a few hours a day. The evenings can then become your "me" time. I have a feeling you will enjoy that free time much more when you have little time to do it.
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can this be panic disorder i need peoples opinions please.. 
Reassurance & Hope NEEDED!
